The Grace in Grace

Graduation Night... Future entrepreneur in the making? 

Legs up everyone! 

Because of Grandma, she is able to be who she is today 

She is born with passion and made for greatness 

If Tomorrow Never Comes

Sometimes late at night I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

Chorus:
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she''s my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

Chorus:
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she''s my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes










''Cause I've lost loved ones in my life. Who never knew how much I loved them.Now I live with the regret, that my true feelings for them never were revealed. So, I made a promise to myself to say each day how much she means to me. And avoid that circumstance, where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel"---> This applys to me.

I lost my grandpa in year 2003, I can still remember how awfull it felt. I missed the chance to say good-bye, missed the chance to tell him how much I loved him. I watch him go, watch him get weaker and weaker. I was running in and out of school and hospital, it was really difficult for me.. But nothing was more harder than watching my grandpa slowly fade away, and I could do nothing. I have learn to cherish my life, cause I don't know when I will go. Mom is always nagging, pushing me to the wall.. But I know deep inside her, she just care. Behind her anger words, I knw she cares. Mom, don't worry.. I will still keep my promise of providing you and Dad with the best that I can..

I just simply love this song.. Friends, famliy members and him..
If one day I were to leave for Heaven just like that, remember that I will still remember you all. I didn't leave you all, I just went ahead to the place where all of you will go.

Okie, okie.. enough of all this.. Haa..

Woke up at around 9.40 in the morning, I could have slept till afternoon, but I had to be up for my injections. First time injecting myself with insulin, scary at first.. Boy, I was really nervous, I may be brave, but come on! It's my first time. The insulin went all in, slowly, bit by bit.

It's going to be a lazy saturday! No church, no nothing.. Kind of weird, I must look for something to do.

Family members, STOP nagging! Stop, stop, stop!! I had enough! I know you all care alright, I know! I just need some quiet time, ALONE! Leave me alone will ya? I know what to do, if I don't I will ask. Mom, I know you are concern, but I am not turning into someone useless! Do you know your words hurt me, just by telling me, "You are just becoming like a useless person!" I'm not alright! So what if I am on injections, does that make me any different?

Dear Lord, please give me the endurance to all this that I am and have to go through. Without you Lord, I can go much further. Calm my anger down, let me not vent it on my family members, I know that they are just concern about me. Tie down whatever Satan wants to do,Lord.

Lord, I know I will be having a hard time and others around me will be having a hard time too. Lord, bring me through, bring me through. No matter how hard the way ahead of me will be, Lord, give me strength. Don't leave me Lord, don't.

So many things is happening right now, I'm slowly running out of strength... Lord, renew me. If I could choose, I don't wanna live the rest of life like that. I would choose to go, so people around me won't have to worry yeah.. But I know I am here for a purpose, a great purpose for me to fulfill.

Calm me down O Lord.. Give me your strength. Let be even stronger and firmer..

Outside the doctor's office.. I'm brave yeah? :) 

Strange, I'm not afraid anymore...

Compare it with the first time, when I learn about my illness. My fear is gone. Yes, I did cried today, when the Doctor told me that I have to be on injections.

Yeah, friends.. I need injections.. Everyday, 2 times a day and for three times a week, I needa check my blood sugar.

Don't worry, Gracie will be strong. Satan can't do anything to me, Satan is defeated!

I went to the clinic alone, but I know the Lord is there with me. He has took away my fear, there is nothing I have to be afriad of. While waiting, I prayed.. "No matter what is going to happen, I know that, Lord, your will is always higher then mine. You will guide me and walk me through. All I have to do is trust in you."

The nurse took my blood twice and also took a little blood for my blood sugar test. Painful? Of course it is, but thank God, it's all over. Needles, needles.. They are going to be my next best friend. Everyday I will have to inject myself at the stomach area.. I wonder how long will this whole thing last. The doctor can't promise me anything, it's better not also.. If he made a promise and can't fulfill it, I will be crushed. There's still hope that I can stop injections and go on medication. But what ever it is, may God's will be done and not mine.

Never have I thought it will be me. I am only 17, a long way to go. I did ask God, "Why me?" I might be asking this question, but I know all things happen for a reason. When I was sitting in the doctor's office, I was hoping for the best.. When he said that I have to undergo injections, to be frank, I was crushed. Tears will rolling in my eyes, I keep asking God, "Why me? Why? I'm only 17?" I just finished my O levels, I just survive a hard year.. I've been through so much to be where I am now, why must this happen to me? Since young, I have been made different.. I have gone through much more than others of my age.. Is this what I should get?

I can choose to be angry at myself, at my Mom.. But I know that's not the way. When I went and met the nurse who was going to teach me how to inject myself.. I broke down. I wasn't worried about the pain nor what will my friends think.. I'm just worried about my future.. But now, I don't have to. If I were to leave for Heaven, won't it be great?

I may suffer on earth, go through the torture of the needles or medication.. But I will be happy when I reach Heaven. The Lord will tell me, "Welcome home, child. You fought a great battle." I have many dreams I wanna achieve, I have many things I wanna do, but may that all be in God's will. I wanna be a motivational speaker, an entrepreneur, write book, missionarie, singer for God.. I'm not giving all this up.. But I now place them with the Lord.. If it's His will that I can achieve all my dreams, Hallelujah.. I pray that I will live to fulfill them.

Friends, if one day I were to be gone.. Haa, remember me. Remember me not of my injections, not of my illness, but of the time we spent together. Remember all the memories we once shared. It may be gone, but at least it is living inside you. I'll be watching you from above. Don't say "touch wood", things can just happen. Look at me, one moment I am fine, the next I am down with injections.. Doctor found blood in my urine as well, I don't know what's gonna happen next.. More test results to be made known soon. Will update you guys..

I'm sure I am facing this, because I got what it takes. I will be strong and fight this battle till the Lord calls me home.. There are many others who are going through tougher thing than I am.. I'm not alone.. Amen.

Oh boy, I just had a fun time reading someone's blog! Been a long time since I enjoy reading other people's blog! For Ling, Joyce and others.. Not that I don't enjoy reading your blog..But the one I just read simply... Makes me laught!! :P The use of her language, emotions and how she descript her everyday is just so out of the world. I found her blog address on friendster, she's one of my friend's sister.. After reading her blog and compare her personality to my friend--- They are poles a part! Daring, outgoing and frank is-->she Preserve, quiet and gentle nature is -->he

Hard to believe that they are siblings..

Believe it..

Just got back from lunch, had KFC with Eli and Charlene. The curry flavored chicken wasn't bad. I read finish the book of Ezekiel and am moving on to Daniel. I was in the office this morning, drawing half way when I suddenly took out my Bible and finsihed off the remaining chapters of Ezekiel. Though I may not understand fully what the Bible is trying to tell me sometimes, but I know God do speak to me through His words. Certain times, when I don't understand certain part of the Bible, the Lord will open up His way through other friends or pastors. Lord, you are just so amazing.

Thank you guys for showing me support and encouragement. It hasn't been easy for me this past few months, but I know I can still carry on. I guess I will just have to let go some of my emotional problems. Well, maybe he's just ain't the one yeah.. Who knows it might be better off just becoming his friend.. Give me some time, I will get over it. I did it for Lawrence, I'm sure I can do so for him.. I guess..

I will miss him still, but I'll control my emotion for him.I had said I wanna let God handle right.. God, it's all yours..

Nothing much to do now, don't have any inspiration to draw, so here I am! LoL.. Wait till I have inspiration, I'll be up and about drawing! Hee..

Going for hospital checkup tomorrow. Only then will I know what type of diabetes I got. If it's type one, I might have to inject myself everyday. However, may the Lord's will be done and not mine. What ever happens, He will carry me through. I know out there, there's many people that cares a lot about me. I know Si Yun and Erwin did research on my illness(thanks for your time and effort). Not forgetting friends who prayed for me, mentors and teachers showing their concern. What ever it is, God will guide me through.. I trust in Him.

I just realise, I have been hurting myself.. I just realise, I am in so much pain, that I have become numb. Tears are rolling in my eyes, but I'm forcing them in. Burden upon me, I can no longer breath. All this while, I was just pretending, pretending that.. I'm alright.

Looking through all the e-mails you send me, it's just like a knife, stabbing me. Not that you had said something wrong.. I guess I miss you too much. I'm only gald that the card I wrote to you touched you, but... Do you see the meaning in them?

I'm tired, drained out.. Don't do this to me. I'm not that strong to handle this.

What are you doing? Did you recieve my e-mail?

With my birthday drawing near, I don't wanna ask for much.. Do you know when is it? Your wishes will make this birthday special. For years I have not celebrated, it always falls on exam period.. This year, is it going to be any special? All I ask, is just to hear you wishing me.."Happy Birthday, Grace"

I wanted to let go, and this pain ease.. But I know I will hold on.. Because I'm afraid of losing you.. I'm scare.. do you know the fear in me? Why am I so foolish? I just can't let go..

People around me just can't feel the pain.. even if they do.. it's not on them. God, can you? I know you can.. Heal me, will you? Wrap my wounds, tie me up, let me not hurt myself anymore. I'm foolish, let me come to sense.

I just feel like crying out now, but.. I can't. I just want to hear your voice, but I can't. I just wanna see your smile, but I can't.

Do you know how I feel? You don't, you don't, you don't!!! I hate you.. because I cared too much, till I hate you.. I'm sorry..

Someone hug me and tell me everything is going to be alright, please?

Behind every success, there's always a struggling period.. Behind me, a wound I don't know how it's going to heal.. Because I'm digging in it, bleeding non stop, yet..watching it bleed..

Was suppose to have lunch alone, but Adrian came back. Now, he's sitting opposite me.. So not the same anymore.

Was all alone in the office for quite some time, before I finally step out to buy lunch. Didn't know what I wanted, but when I reached the junction, I decided to head for 7-11. A newly opened 7-11 just across the road. Bought cup noodles and soya milk. Wanted to enjoy the quite moment alone, but doesn't seem to work now.

Feeling a little lonely at first, wanted to settle down into a sad mood, but I think God didn't allow that, he arrange Adrian to come by. Eli actually didn't come to work today, he didn't call, so me and Charlene didn't know that he was not coming. Charlene was then complaining how irresposible Eli was, for not calling.

Here I am, sitting in front of the computer, typing and eating at the same time. A bit sad arg, but I'm fine, really. Just wanna have some quiet time..

Just step into the office not too long ago. Guess Eli and Adrian went down for the TYEM Academy already. Duane and Irene are on the plane, on the way to Italy! Oh boy, they are going to have fun!

Met up with Si Yun yesterday evening, she told me there's another project that is coming up. I'm quite keen in taking it up, but I know I got to settle some emotional and peronal issues before I can go on full force. Si Yun is one special person that can understand how I felt and relate to me. She's always ready to listen and would never failed to know how I am feeling. Yeah, think she is right, I am carrying too much burden and had allowed myself to go a bit too far off. On the way back, Si Yun was feeling "heart pain" and "helpless" for me. She was saying, "Grace arg, you are only 16, why are you going through all this?" I told her, "Think I want it this way? If given a chance I want to be a normal teenager."

But I believe all things happened for a reason. I might be carrying a lot of burden, but I trust God will lift them up for me. For everything that I have overcome, I am made stronger and firmer. Just like the vine, God is trimming me to allow more to grow. In the process of trimming, of course it will be painful. "Blessed are those who perservered to the end" the Bible did mention. I may be sowing my seed with tears, but I will harvest with joy. Amen!

Looking at me on the outside, I may be cool in handling things, but have you ever wondered how is it like in my heart, or inside my brain? I don't know how to type it out in words, nor express it with my mouth! EC once told me that I am a worrying person, yeah, I must agree to that. But over the years, I am learning how not to worry so much. Give me time, I shall change for the better.

As for 7Faith, it's not over. It's starting! I believe in experience and skills. I wanna learn as much as I can in TYEM and from others. Meanwhile, I am learning from my mistakes as well, Hallelujah!

For him, I have allowed myself to go on too many wrong steps, as mentioned by Si Yun. We were sitting at the foodcourt yesterday, when I starting banging the table with my hands. I didn't know why I am doing it. Si Yun then asked me what was I thinking while I am banging the table, I told her nothing, and that's a fact! She then told me that, while I was banging the table, she was actually looking at the glasses over at the drink stall. She was imagining me smashing the glasses to vent out my fustration and the pain I am holding on to. Indeed, I think she was right. For now, I might have broken only 1 or 2 glasses only. Imagine the pain of breaking them.. I know thw first glass I have broke, is accepting the fact and surviving the pain that he left the office. Second, I guess is drying up my tears for him?

I send him an email yesterday, I send it with fear. Grace, fear not, for fear is defeated! I can go all out and face the risk of losing the friendship, or I can keep back and hold on to some hope, which is painful to me.

It's weird huh? I miss him so much, hurt myself so much.. But I think he feels nothing. Lawrence told me once that when you miss a person dearly, he or she can feel it. I doubt so for him..

If you so happen to read this, I really am, do missing you now..

Everyone is slacking now, except for Charlene, she's doing Alice's work. Duane is busy surfing his internet while I'm updating my blog! Boy, ain't Duane one lucky guy, he's going to Italy tomorrow! For two weeks, he'll be enjoying himself, watching soccer match, shopping and all you can name. Oh boy, one day I will be able to go for a holiday on my own expense.

For those friends who know me long enough,they would know that I yern to go for a bacpack trip, all over the world! Come on people, who wanna go with me? Haha!!

I used to travel to the airport a lot, not to catch a plan, but just for a walk or just to be somewhere peaceful. I missed those days, now I don't really have the time to walk over there now.

Over at lunch, we had Japanese ramen, now all three of us smelled of the place we've been to. Eli was on MC today. Went down to TYEM Academy to take a look today while I was on my way back from Popular. The grls are alright, but for the boys.. Haha~ I finished my second drawing book and had just started on my third book.

Just send him an e-mail, together with my cartoons. I hope he'll reply. OhHh, Grace is desperate! Haha!!

Meeting SiYun later at TCC, she said she wanna bring me go somewhere else instead of meeting me at MOS Burger. I told her I'm fine with anything, just don't sell me away!

Finally!! Charlene burned the CD, but my Diseman's battery went flat yesterday. Asked SiYun to buy for me, I wonder if she will remember. First song was my favorite, To where you are by Josh Groban and the rest are Li Sheng Jie's song.

Strange, strange, strange.. Why did he came to mind again? Becauseof the word "sheng"? Haha, because his chinese name has a "sheng" in it too. Still remember that day I wrote down his chinese name and showed it to him. He didn't know how to write his chinese name and so does his parents! He's just so potato! Haha..

Oh well, when Duane's gone, it would be so different. Imagine, lunch with Eli, if Charlene is not joining us. Lunch with him? That's gonna be so weird! Haha, not that I don'tlike Eli, but he's smart, way too smart and "prominent", it's scary! Now I understand what SiYun meant when she told her about me. Sometimes, the way Eli speak can be.. you know.. "hurting"

Haha, but I believe each and everyone of us is made different. If all's the same, where's the kick? Haha.. You need leaders and at the same time fellowers.

I wonder how is EC, is she feeling alright already? Maybe I'll sms her later and ask. I hope she is doing fine..

Meeting in church tomorrow for the family day. Three meetings after work in a row! This week is somehow packed for me already. But, this is not my busiest week yet.. In future I'll be even more busier! Imagine, EC once told me that she even have meetings on saturdays! Haha.. So, once a friend asked me," Why you sleep untill so late then wake up?" I told her, "I'm just enjoying what I can enjoy now." True huh, EC? Haha, still can recall during Chinese New Year, people are busy visiting, you were sleeping till late noon!

Listening to the CD Charlene gave me, simply magnificent..

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distance star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for a while to know you're there
A breath away not far
To where you are

I know you're there..

Duane and Eli knock off early today, they came like around 8 plus. TYEM academy was finally launch today. There weren't many students, but heard it went well. Had lunch over at Eli's Mum's cafe. The food was simply nice! Had a great time sitting and chatting together.

Oh yah, bought a new drawing pen for the cartoons, I just love this new pen! It's smooth and easy to use!

Have to attend a meeting later at Aunty Florence's place over at Selatar. Don't really know where the place is, but oh well.. Lydia will meet me at some bus stop.

School is starting next month, sort of looking forward to it. Wonder what new friends will I make. Adrian was asking me when will my school start, I told him next month. However, when school start, I would want to carry on working. I need the income.

Didn't really think too much about him today, not untill Duane mention his name. I was caught up all of a sudden. I admit I still do miss him, feelings for him is still as strong as ever. I'm still waiting for his e-mail, or maybe even a call from him? I don't know about this time.. I guess I'll just put him in my heart, prayers and memories.

He came into my life, for less than a month, but he left a deep foot print. He'll be someone I will never forget. His smile, his eyes, just kept me lock up within him. I wish I could sms him, call him, talk to him or just simply e-mail and he reply. I have no reasons to e-mail him, I'm afriad that I might scare him away or he'll find me a disturbance. I'll just leave it all to God. Sometimes things just can happen unexpectedly.

I just want him to know.. I will always have you in my prayers, thoughts and memories. The memories we shared, might not mean anything to you, but meant a lot to me. You tend to keep a lot of things in you, bury a lot of secreats and emotions in you. I would love to be the one to open it up and hear you speak. Give me a chance, you will get to know me better, Don't just assume that I'm just a teenager and know nothing much. Don't judge me this way, it's unfair.

I wondered, will you ever read this? Even when you do, will you know that I'm talking about you?

Take care yeah..

" You Raise Me Up "

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up:
To more than I can be

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up:
To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up:
To more than I can be.

Just got back from church, the sermon today ay CHC was great. Learnt something, after a long long time. When over to Yio Chu Kang Gospel Hall in the morning and left after the morning service. The bus to CHC was late today, reached church at around 11.10a.m. Waited for EC at the lobby and went in to service together with another of her friend.

Sermon was about sowing seet and harvest. I must agree with Pastor Tan, we get what we sow. If we want good harvest, we must sow good seet. Also, we should give our best to the Lord and others. Nothing can change a person, only God's word. If we want love from others, we must sow the seet of love. Sow with faith, knowing that the Lord will guide us through.

After service, we had lunch at the cafe. Was surprise to see SC was there also. Didn't know that she came back from China. But EC told me that SC will only stay for about a week and she will have to go back. During lunch, I sat with EC and friend, SC and friends sat at the other table. We joint up only after the crowd in the cafe cleared. SC seem happy to see me, she came and gave me a pat on the back. I told her I might be going over to China this July, and she said to let her know if I am going over. Actually wanted to get her contact, but didn't ask her. Oh well, if I am really going to china, I will let EC know and she will inform SC.

EC send me home just now, now I smell like her car! She wasn't feeling well, heard that she threw up a few times already. you should go home and rest! SC went home as well, she was sleepy. Had a nice chat with EC in the car just now, she was asking me about my health and work. Thanks for your concern, buddy!

Had a chat session with grandma just minutes ago. Haha, it's so strange.. Many of my family members actually looked down on me. Or should I say, all of them. Take for instance my O level, non thought that I could have made it, but I did! They expected me to fail, but..Hey hey hey, boy did I pass! Same goes for my PSLE, non thought I could pass, but I made it into express! Haha, why huh? My own family members don't believe in me, but on the other hand, my friends believed that I can pass. For most of my life, I have been looked down, why? In case you don't know me well.. I was a failure back then. My results in primary school days were rock bottom. I show no interest in studying and I don't seem to care.

When I finally came to my sense, I still show that I'm not interested and lazy lah.. But hey, I don't have to show you in the face that I'm hard working right? People, people, people.. Wake up, I don't have to work right in front of you to show you that I'm serious. But I kinda like the feeling, when people look down on me but got shocked when they learn that I did well! Haha..

Look down on me, mock me, laught at me, but beware of who is going to get the last laught. To all my mockers, thanks for your "motivation" that kept me going. But of course, in my life there's a lot of real motivators. Take for instance my grandma and mentors! Without them and many others, I wouldn't be what I am today. Friends around me played a part too! Carmen was one of them. Everytime I would aim to beat her in her score, and that pushes me to work hard.

Not forgetting God! Without Him, I wouldn't have the strength to hold on and fight the battle till now. In my weakness, He's my strength. In my sorrows, He's my comfort. When I fall, He will be there to lift me up. Ailing once asked me, "Grace, how come you can do well in your studies and excel in other things?" I told her, "Because I got God"

Now, not forgetting him. For those who have been reading, you might be wondering who is this him that I always talk about, that is causing me to torture myself. Well, he's a friend I got to know while working. He left the company already. The rest you know it all, if you read the past post. I've decided.. Leave it all to God. I will just do my part. Like what EC told me in the car, there isn't a need to worry. Half of the time we worry for things that we don't have to. Ok EC, I will change and be less worrying. Trust in the Lord fully!

Just got back from the youth fellowship BBQ, oh boy, slept for only a few hours! But I'm not tired, gotta go church in the afternoon. Not bad the BBQ, had food and drinks, cycle all night long.

On friday, a group of us went out for our mini class gathering! Though little people, but it's still fun. Carmen, the lazy bone don't wanna go! I just discovered one interesting fact, Liana can't crack egg!! Haha, boy.. It was fun just by looking at how she crack her egg.

I've found a new singer that I like, Josh Gorben. He got nice vocals and his songs are quite meaningful to me. I've ask Charlene to burn the CD for me.

Girls at the steamboat.. Yah, I must admit for most of the time, my mind was thinking of him. Looking at how you guys can get to be with your love ones, it just made me wonder. Am I any different? He knew about it, he knew I had a crush on him.. But I guess he'll just treat me like a little sister? He once told me that 16,17 years old are too young to fall in love.. Does that have to apply to me as well, unfair. He's gone from the office for almost a month, still I have not gotten over him. I still talks about him in the office and occasionally I would sit at his table.

I'm torturing myself. I just gotten over Lawrence and now come another one. Why, why ,why, W-H-Y?

Liana told me I don't have a partner for a reason, capable woman usually don't have partners. I don't want to be the same, why can't I be capable and at the same time, successful in my relationships as well?

Seriously, I don't know how to face him. Yeah, we'll be like friend, but imagine how awful I will feel inside me. Should I invite him to my birthday party? Should I just forget him and, let this whole thing be memories, again?

Yeah Grace, nicely said.. You're gonna go through what you have just gone through, again. Oh boy, Lord, have mercy on me. I'm firm on the outside, but I'm weak on the inside.

Oh well, Lord, please hear my prayers and let me take care of my health.

I miss him.. Stupid me..

Just got back from lunch, a wonderful meal! Am surprised that somany classmates of mine is viewing my blog, especially Carmen! Wow, I would never imagine her reading it.

We're meeting up later at Marina Bay for steamboat. It's been a while since we all get together. Joyce and Carmen won't be able to make it, guess it's only four of us. Oh well, no matter what it is, it's good that we gather.

Finish drawing for retail chapter one, finally another thing acomplished! School will be starting soon next month, but before lessons starts, I'll be going to Gula for mission trip again. Been more than a year since I last went there. I wondered if there's any changes.

As usual, though about him last night, in fact most of the time. He's one strange guy that doesn't use mobile phone as much as the rest do. He can live without his phone! Not to say I can't, but I would feel uncomfortable if others can't contact me. He can have hisphone with him, but off. So, imagine how hard it is to contact him. I got his house number, but...How can you expect me to call him every now and then right? He would be scared off by me. I can only have him in my memories..

The girls have been wondering who is this "he" I have been talking about.. Hmm.. Haha..

Your Element Is Earth

You excel at planning and strategizing. You could be a champ at chess or Survivor. Well grounded, you are able to be realistic and rationalize. On the inside, you have a hard core. It's tough to phase you. You are super productive, and you are able to think anything through. Focused and super charged, your instincts are a good guide for your next step.

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be (?)
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen

As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
'Cause you are mine
Forever love
Watching me from up above

And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

Charlene introduce me this song, a nice and touching song. Study the lyrics, it's magnificent. You can feel the feelings of the song, when you really pay attention. You can feel how much the writer miss the person to whom he/she is writting the song to. Seperated, but love is still lives within them.

Gave me a feeling that..The person in the song, had passed on. The writter misses the person dearly.. Touching eh..

It's somehow similar to how I feel, of course not so much into it. He's still living eh! Haha.. I'm just enjoying this song now..Wonderful. The music is nice, the vocal is nice. This is what I call, song! Listening to the songs nowadays... Haiz.. Don't know what they singing also..

Duane just left the office for meeting, left me, Eli and Charlene. Had lunch over the Bugis juction, not as crowded as I thought it would be.

Recieved his email today, this guy really work through the night and would only sleep in the day huh? An owl to be eh..

I jusy completed the drawings for Presentation skills, fianally an accomplishment! Haha..

Oh yah, Charlene suggested to go for a Karaoke to celebrate my birthday, since Duane will be leaving soon and can't join in my BBQ.

Oh, for you guys out there who's reading.. I might be holding a BBQ party on the 7th of May over at East Coast Park. I'll try and book pit that is near to Marine Cove yeah.. Not too sure yet.. But 80% I'll have the BBQ up and going. You wanna go? Welcome, tag to let me know yeah, or sms.

Charlene wanted to read my blog, but I told her got a lot of secreats arg! Haha, others may not know what I'm talking about, but I think she will yeah.. Haha..

Normal day at work, nothing much happened.. Oh boy, didn't read my Bible and quiet time yesterday... Grace, don't be lazy. God took time to care and watch over you. He don't ask for much...

Grace will be good... Haha!!

HmMmm.. I wondering what he is doing.. Is he still sleeping, in his dream land? He has been working late, I think. Rushing out all the lesson plans and time table. Wonder what date has he got with Eli on the 24th? Haha, I would like to know, but.. Let's not be too nosey. Thought about him again last night while I was about to sleep. I just miss those good old days.. Calling, chatting, lunching, laughting.. When will days like this come again? Maybe never yeah.. Anyway, I still have my memories with me. Be glad that we are still in contact.. Haha.. Let God's will be done and not mine..

It's way pass midnight, just got home from the BBQ. Am surprise when I saw Joyce's tag. Been a long time since I last saw her.. Love her blog music!!

Had a fun time at the BBQ today..

Did I?

Yes.. I did.

When we went over to his house today, I was quiet most of the time, didn't speak much, I don't know why also. His house is full of peranakan stuff, a lot of them. His family history is so rich. Stayed in the house for a while, had Mee Soto, prepared by his nanny. Yeah, got the chance to see his Mum, Sister and Nanny.

After so, Charlene, Irean and me walked over to Centuary square for the movie. We were walking, when I saw him and Duane at the lobby area. He had to go back home, as he forgotten his glasses. I went back with him, we talk along the way. He was concern for me, asking how I am and stuff. He even did a research on my illness, that's nice of him. I'm sure he's scare of getting it himself too. Cut down on your coffee and chocolate!!

Got to know him a little more today, know about his family history and people. Before the movie start, we went to get bubble tea, all of them stuff their tea in my bag to smuggle it in! I told him, if I'm caught, I might be ban from the theather forever!

The movie was great, funny! At first it was a little boring, but it get funny in the middle! I didn't sit beside him, sat beside Eli.

Know what... at the start.. I think the both of us were... Hah.. you know.. shy or something.. But, we get back to normal soon after.

Eli drove and we arrive at Duane's aunt's plave like 6 plus? Didn't really notice the timing. It was raining a little when we arrive, but it stopped eventually. I found myself looking at him most of the time..

During BBQ, I and Charlene stood together, then he joined in as well.. Hah.. At the table, he sat beside me all along. Though not close together, but I thank him for sitting beside me. The group of us chatted, had a fun time.

Listening to the music from Joyce's blog.. made me think. Did I really put him down already? I know I haven.. This day that I have been waiting for just bypass so quicky.. There might never be a chance for him to accept me, but.. Hey.. Sorry I am emotional. He once told me that one should let go of his/her feelings for someone if that someone shows no interest.. Easily said, hard to be done.

After today, I don't know when will I see you again. When I email you, what reasons do I have? Why? Why do I deprive of feeling feelings? Why you? Even your youngest brother is older then me.. Are we just meant to be friends?

Agnes told me once to go for my feelings, Si Yun told me to do the same. I did, I wrote you the card on the last day of your work.. Nothing happens..

You may think I'm foolish.. I'm stupid.. Some nights, I went to sleep with you in my thoughts.. Some? I think most. I struggled so much, I cry myself to sleep. Once I came to office with my eyes swollen, Charlene thought I cried the whole night.. I told her, I didn't. But in fact I did, for you.

Looking at you, I want to know you more, I want to care for you.. But on the other hand.. things are stopping me. With my illness now, how.. is this dream of mine coming true? I don't know.

After I learn of my illness, I don't know how long can I live. Who knows I may be gone tomorrow? What are you thinking? Please let me know..

I miss you

By holding up a $20.00 bill.
In the room of 200, he asked,

"Who would like this $20 bill?"

Hands started going up.

He said,

"I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this."

He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.He then asked,

"Who still wants it?"

Still the hands were up in the air.Well, he replied,

"What if I do this?"

And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.

"Now, who still wants it?"

Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, we have all learned a very valuable
lesson.No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value.It was still worth $20.Many times in our lives,we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.We feel as though we are worthless.But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased,you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know,but by WHO WE ARE.You are special- Don't EVER forget it"

Count your blessings, not your problems. And remember: amateurs built the ark ...professionals built the Titanic.If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.

I MISS YOU!!

Yes, you!!

But you don't know...

You sound tired..so do I...

I feel better after talking to you on the phone...

Do I?




























I Miss You.. But you don't know..




I'm just thinking too much again.. I am... Hahaha...

















I'm waiting... waiting...






















Miss you... I do... really do... Wish you were here...





















Miss those days in the office...



Miss your smell..
















In simple words... I miss you!!











































Rest well k...

The office is quiet today, Duane is on MC, Eli and Ryan went for a meeting. Leaving me and Charlene in the office. Uncle is out for a meeting too and his meeting won't end till afetr 5.30p.m.

Finally posted the enrolement form today! Went to have my picture taken at ICA building yesterday morning and collected my bank book from grandms's place this morning.

Oh boy, saturday is approaching already!! Looking forward to it..

There's nothing much I wanna blog today..Haha.. Just dropping by..

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real cool
Stay at home talking on the telephone with me
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

1 - As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can we ever find a job that won't interfere with a tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

Repeat 1

La, la, la, laà
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, laà
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this townI keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

Repeat 1 (3x)

Suddenly... Just so suddenly, out of the blue.. I miss my class and all the crappy moments we once shared..

After Os, after results.. We are seem to have walk on our seperate ways. Gone are the moments we spend as a class, gone are the moments we spend as a group of friends. Can't forget the last few months before O level, all of us were panicky-- which lead to a formation of a study group, out of the blue.

Out of all the classmates, I miss Carmen the most. We were once twinies!! We crap around each other and often comparing results. Slept in class, studies together and went out together. Oh boy, those were the days. Still can remember how painfull it used to be when Carmen hit me, her slap is...powderful!! When to her place, studied, swam and the best thing is.. We even watch the National Parade Preview together! Haha, that was funny! I waited for her at the station, but she came and walked to the stadium herself! After all, we had a fun time watching the preview and travelling down to Bedok after that.

Of course not to forget the girls, the JALA gang. Ling, Ness, Na and Joyce... these people are a joy to my life. Bringing me tones of laughters and tears. Moments of us spending the afternoon in Ling's, Ness' or Na's house is memorable. We even watched a horror show in the midst of our O levels yeah? Instead of screaming, I was laughting! Agnes the scary cat hide under the blankat and Ling was there, almost sleeping!

Miss the teachers as well, those we taught us along the way. Miss the mornings, miss Mrs Chan and Mdm Haliza, the teachers that left foot prints in my heart and path.

When O when, will we gather like we used to do? Everyone has his/her own path to go.. Boy, lucky me I still have my memories with me..

4E, I miss you..

Me and Che in Church!! 

Enterprise Day 2005.. Ain't Grace and Erwin RED and OUTSTANDING? 

Just came back from church...

I had my blood sugar checked minutes ago, blood sugar content was really high. 287, that's way too high. Aunt Helen told me that is very high, in the dark range. What's I'm afriad now is.. I will have to inject myself. My blood sample is being sent for testing, will get my result on thursday, if there is anything the clinic will call me. I hope they don't call.

God, I don't want to inject myself, once I started injection, it's for life. God, don't do this to me. Grandma and Mum had diabetes, I know I might get too. God, I don't want to go for injection, I will control,God.

Medical fees will cost a lot, injection will add on. I don't mind controlling my diet, cutting down on sugar intake, I just don't want to go for injection.

God, give me the will to cut down on my sugar intake and take care of my health-- I still have a long way to go. Praise the Lord I went for the body checkup, or else I won't know about my health condition. Grandma says, it's God will I had my body checkup. My blood sugar is so high now, if it get worse, oh no... Kidney failure?

God.. Have mercy on me..

I'm scare, but I'm made stronger this few days. No matter how tought the way ahead of me is going to be, I'll fight my battle with faith.

Who knows, after a few months... you won't see Grace already.. eh... Wait wait... Not saying that I'm going to die lah.. But maybe I will slim down lots after cutting down all that sugar yeah?

I still have a long way to go. I won't let this incident stop me... My walk with God will still be strong.. Amen!!

Smiling leh... 

I prayed, prayed that the Lord will have mercy on me...

Went for pre-poly admission body check up yesterday, nurse told me that there's glucose in my urine. I was shaken. This morning, I went back for blood test, nurse said that sugar content in my blood is very high. I'm scare... Did the nightmare came true?

Who do I have to blame? Myself...

Blame me for eating too many sweet stuff.. Should I also blame my mother for passing the disease down to me, and I will pass it on to my child next time?

Suddenly I am at lost of what to do next.. What about my dreams? My goals? My parents? Being the only child, I know they pinned their hope on me. I promised myself, promised God that I will provide my parents with the best that I can.. I just lost my strength to be brave.. I'm tearing, tears filled my eyes.. My vision is blured..

God, don't do this to me..

How am I going to face my parents?

God, I'm scare.. Really scare.. Don't forsake me, God. I need you to be there..

Why? At a young age.. I'm only 17. And this disease is going to be with me till the day I die..

































Grace, you got to be strong. God will handle everything.. All things happen for a reason. Trust in the Lord, He will bring you through.

I prayed, asking God for His will and not mine. God, is this your will? Let me know, please..

Haa~ Maybe I will make a big name out of it. I'm not going to let it stop me. The world may forsake me, sky may fall on me... But I know God will be there..To lift me up and tell me everything will be alright.

I still have my dreams with me, they will not leave me.. I still have my faith, nothing can take it away..

God, wept away from my tears.. Let me seek you.. Hold my hands, never let me go.. I'm weak..But God you will make me strong..

I'm born with passion and made for greatness.

Monday morning in the office, once again it's three person. Eli didn't come to work, he's sick. Everyone is sick in the office, germs spread fast yah...

Fianally I told him, or should I say I wrote to him. Now, another struggle surrounds me.. He didn't sms, or e-mail me.. So, what is he thinking?

Friday afternoon he came back to the office. He bought with him tibits and chocolate. I was using his computer doing work when he smsed me. I was overjoyed, cause I thought he will never reply me. He toid me he was on his way here now and asked me what is the thing I want to pass to him.

He came in after 2.30p.m, it just felt so good seeing him walking into the office again. Then, I went into the room to make my calls, he came in shortly too. He sat beside me. He asked about the thing I am going to give him, but I say I will pass it to him at the end of the day.

After work, Eli, Duane, him and me decided to drop by Orchard's starbuck cafe. Me, Eli and him went there first, Duane and wife went for dinner. Again at the cafe while we are doing our order, he asked me about the thing I am going to give him. I kept it a secreat, saying that I will pass to him when he's going off. Me and him ordered first, Eli was outside smoking. When we came out, again he mentioned about the thing I am going to give him..Haha!We chatted, had a fun time..Chatted about Uncle, all the crap he's doing and all things funny. It's a jolly fun time, never had such a gathering with my friends before. Mixing with older people somehow feels different, but.. I'm still able to click inside. At the cafe, he sat beside me also, but further away, guess he got long legs lah, that's why.. Hee!

The group stayed till like 11.50p.m, after then we left because I have to leave and Erwin have to go back home for family gathering. Eli send me home, he droped me at the coffee shop, it was only then I pass him the card. I don't know if he read it in the car or went home to read. I hope that he read it at home. I was expecting his sms, but didn't. Oh well, never mind, everything under God's hand. Trust in him.

God, let me never walk away or far from you. I know I can't cope or live without you. I need you to be my strength and my comfort. Let me hold on to you no matter what, believe in you, that's all I want to do. You know how I feels inside, you know things and feelings that I don't. Even before I come to you, you know what I am going to ask. God, sometimes I can't hear you, I can't feel you, but I know you are still there. Hold my hand God, never let me go, never leave me. I don't know how am I going to live without you. Hold my hand and be my companion, God. God, it is only in you I can find strength, in you I can find the reason to smile, to do anything. God, let me hold on to you, no matter what I am going through. I may be hurt, crying out silently, but God, you will always be there to heal me, lift me up and give me the reason to smile, from my heart.

Everyday is lived for you God! Amen! I will learn to work without him, motivate myself and crack jokes even when he is gone. He may be out of sight, but at least we are still in contact. Maybe I will get to see him this weekend for the company's outing?? I look forward to it.