The Grace in Grace

Commitment and Cooperation. Wait for the Lord :)

Medical check-up done, blood test taken, x-ray taken... now is wait for results. Then submit and commit to God!!

Pray that I can go this time...

Even not; it's alright!

Doulos is full with STEPers; I hope Logos II still have space for me! Imelda told me that Logos II is currently available but the date is from 4 August to 6 October. My attachment ends on the 10th August; I'm asking if I can start on the 11th and make up for the lost days.

And I can start on the 11th August! I will need to take a night flight to Germany, which means I have a great possibility of bring my luggage to work on the last day of SIP! I pray that this time there will be space onboard and medical check-up can be done at my aunt's clinic. Commit the application and medical check-up to God!

When I was 7, I dreamt of being a teacher.
That was the only occupation I knew and talk about.

When I was 8, I dreamt to be a doctor.
We were then taught more on occupations.

Then, dreams were nothing but fantasies to me.

When I was 12, Christ found me.
I wanted then to become a missionary;
I have no idea what was that then.

When I was 15, I dreamt of being an interior designer.
Famous and rich.

When I was 16, I dreamt of being an entrepreneur.
Famous, rich and helping others like Elim Chew.

When I was 17, I discovered I had diabetes.
Once again dreams meant nothing to me.

When I was 18, I finally knew what my dream was all along.
All these years I've search, but found it long ago.
The day I innocently raise my hand.
The day I innocently say I want to be a missionary.
The day I commit my life to Jesus.

All these didn't happen by chance.

When I am 19, the dream draw closer.
I pray and seek. Slowly it's revealing.

It's not going to be easy.
But I know I will make it through.
I'm someone for God in the making.

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Spiritual war is just gonna get tougher. satan is so furious now.. SO WHAT!!

God, if this is Your will. I will obey. I believe You heard my prayers, You know my dreams, You know my desire. You know the way ahead of me. I trust in You.

Yesterday wasn't the best day. Got the news that Doulos was full and I wasn't talking to Freddy. The feelings sucked to the core. Many times when we pray, we say that we want God's will done and not ours. No matter what happen, we want to obey. But, when things happened the way we didn't expect or the way we didn't wanted; we can't help but feel angry and sad. That happened to me. Like a child who didn't get my toy that I have been eyeing for; I asked God why?

Pastor Sun's call made it worse; the call made me feel like I've caused trouble for the Church. I wasn't planning to tell Pastor Sun about the Doulos problem until Sunday, at least I still have a hope of going until Sunday! When he called, asking how was the Doulos thing going on; I somehow had difficulty telling him that the program was full. Was it his tone, or is it just me.

Bought my comfort food, yogurt, before I went home. That odd to make me feel better and it did! At night when I took out my syringe for the props; it brought back some memories. Looking at it brought back fear, sadness and also a sense of happiness.

Gone are those times that I have to inject myself half hour before meals, 2 times a day. Gone are those times looking for the ideal spot to poke the needle in. Gone are those times that I need to look for a place clean and private enough to have my injection when I'm outside. Gone are those days that with each needle I poke, my heart skip a beat. I'm sure glad gone are those times!! But it was those times that brought me so close to God, closer than I've ever been before. I recall those moments I cry myself to sleep, asking God has He forgotten me. I recall those days, those daaaaays.. Ahahaha!! Looking back, it's a blessing in the midst of the storm. The sight of insulin and needle scares me now. But I will not be afraid!! I've been through and done that.. Come what may! I'm stronger now, yes I am!
“This is my now” (Lyrics)

There was a time I packed my dreams away.
Living in a shell, hiding from myself.

There was a time when I was so afraid.
I thought I’d reached the end,
Baby that was then
I am made of more than my yesterdays.

This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubts
That was then, this is my now.

Had to decide
was I going to play it safe
or look somewhere deep in inside
try to turn the tide
and find the strength to take that step of faith

This is my now,and I am breathing in the moment.
I look around I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubts.
That was then, this is my now.

And I have the courage
like never before, yeah.
I’ve settled for less but I’m ready for more,
Ready for more.

This is my now I’m living in the moment
As I look around I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubts.
That was then, this is my now.

I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around
Can’t believe the love I see
My fears behind me,gone are the shadows and doubts
That was then.

This is my now.
This is my now.

Why, why, why? Why like that? I don't understand? Why do I even care? It's been like this for 2 weeks or so, why? (Total of 6 whys) Anyway, let me introduce This website Inspirational Archive, a website filled with many heart warming real-life stories and poems. It's so touching, I tear almost everytime I read stories from there.

Meanwhile, it's waiting and praying period for me. Medical check-up on Saturday; not sure when results will be out... Please let me make it in time and an available space for me and those who wants to go :)

Submitted the pre-selection application form for the STEP program. What's left is the Pastor Recommendation form, medical forms and wait for approval of application. Booked an appointment and it's on Saturday for the check up, have to go all the way to China Town! But anyway, the form-filling session has been cut down since I have filled the forms for Terence before; it really save time! Well, the form asked for passport photograph but I didn't have any. So, being an IT student I photoshoped a self-made passport photograph. Amazing enough Imelda say that the picture is alright! Haha, I'm glad I know photoshop skills.
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It's getting really exciting from last week onwards, more than last week now! The anticipitation (did I spell that correctly), the waiting and most of all the faith I place in God. It's another waiting session for the next few weeks. Imelda say that only after she receive the pastor recommentation form and medical forms than can she process the application with Germany's company... Will I make it in time, will there be space for me? Why didn't I thought of STEP earlier on? Wahahahaha, rambling.. Trust trust trust, pray pray pray!

Knock off!

朋友

这些年 一个人
风也过 雨也走
有过泪 有过错
还记得坚持什么

真爱过 才会懂
会寂寞 会回首
终有梦 终有你 在心中

朋友 一生一起走
那些日子 不再有
一句话 一輩子
一生情 一杯酒
朋友 不曾孤单过
一声朋友 你会懂
还有伤 还有痛
还要走 还有我

This song happens in the 90s, but never the less it's a all time favorite amoung many.
But will we walk together as friends for as long as we live? Won't people split, move on, migrate etc etc.. Hahaha...

Sure I will miss the people here when I'm gone.. be it those good or bad; just that I'll remember you in either good or bad memories.. Ahahaha!

Friends from Primary School, Secondary School, Polytechnic, Church and other areas of life.. Quite a lot, but only a few are real friends.. You know who you are :)

As you can see, I'm slacking before lunch time in office :P

I'm going for Doulos' STEP! Not confirmed yet, but by faith... I'm going for the August intake of STEP! For two months I will be living on a ship and travelling to 3 different country. Let's pray that the application will be successful!

Hope that the Church will be able to support me fully for this trip. In this way, the toll on my finance won't be so tough. I'm looking forward to it, yes I am!!

Keep praying for me!

I got the Doulos short term trip details, and yes!! The program is within my holidays! Woo~

Here's the details:
Trip date: 25 Aug - 25 Oct
Fee: $1023 for 56 days (Not including airfare, visa, vaccination and admin fee)
Ports visiting: South Korea- Malaysia - To be confirm This is so exciting yet testing my paitence, will to obey and faith in God. I really really really want to go for this trip. I've been waiting for months for it; finally it's within my holidays! To make it for this trip I need at least $2000, but where am I gonna get that money? I believe that if God wants to let me go, He will provide :)
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I smses my two pastor yesterday, enquiring if Church will support if I want to go. So far, no replies. This is so testing my paitience and draining part of me.. Wahahaha~

Imelda says that there are only a few slots left, and since she can't reserve.. I got to let her know asap. I've gone through the process of filling forms for OM, it's really a lot of forms! After filling forms, I'll have to go for medical checkup before my application is being process in Germany. Oh my, will I make it in time?

Trust, trust, trust and pray, pray, pray.....

Lord, if it's isn't Your will that I go this time... let my faith not be shaken.. Let me trust and obey You like never before..

I'm thinking of joining Doulos' 2 months program after SIP. That would be made possible if the two months program is inline with my long holidays, financially I can make it and God's permission. Browsing the web and came across the 2 month's program I wanted to join before the 2 year's program. Now I have a few options of things to do during the holiday.

1)Backpacking trip to Myanmar/Malaysia
2) Doulos 2 months program
3) Month-long mission trip to where God wants me to go

Simple things make me happy. Leaving Singapore and seeing the world will make me even happier. I think I'm cursed from doing any office work. My back hurts when I sit too long, my eyes blurred when I stare at the computer too long and my brain cells die when I'm in office for too long. SIP is slowly getting on to me, with 10 000 data base to update and check; an intranet to revamp... damn... it's worse then being in concentration camp (maybe). I looked out of the office window and wished that my SIP were somewhere near outdoor. Ok, there's no window in my office room; it's all walls and computers.
I have a long holiday after SIP, 2 months I think or a little more then that. At first it was set on a backpacking trip to Malaysia but on Sunday something changed my mind. I thought, "why not use this holiday to do something more meaningful." Myanmar came to mind, En Hua came to mind. I could backpack there, do some mission work and at the same time visit her. I'm praying about it. PS said that he will try to organize a team for mission around my holiday period; somehow I feel that it will never come true. It doesn't matter if I travel there alone; I still have my potential bakpack buddy to drag along!
Oh, did I mention before that I don't really fancy guided tours to tourist attraction places? It's stressful having to keep to schedule and time. Backpack and free-tour are stress free, well almost. I control my time, I wake up when I like and I stay as long as I like. Going overseas for spas and such are a chore to me. Besides, I don't like short trips. Go on saturday and come back on sunday; it's stress.
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Birthday and Mother's day dinner later. Since Thursday till now, it's good food all the way~ Ahahaha; I'm enjoying it. Somehow, I got a little sick of Chinese food.. all thanks to Freddy.. I'm still sick of it even just thinking. Next year's celebration is gonna be huge; my last birthday in Singapore... somehow it's last...

* Thanks to Chia Chia (SIP Supervisor) for your cake and gift. I really love them
* Thanks to Jia Ying and Lydia for your gift too :)
* Thanks to FAT CAT for your book, I read a few pages already :D (You still own me muffins!)
* Thanks to C116G for the Birthday Dinner, although no cake but it's really nice and simple
* Thanks to Shi Tian, Freddy and Vivian (My office kakies) for celebrating and treating me lunch on my birthday. Million thanks to the cheese cake too; it's sinful to eat it.. :p
* Thanks to Ah Bu, Amy Jie and Pig 2 for your long distant well wishes.
* Thanks to all! ( Sorry if I left out your name; it doesn't mean I forgotten you!)

Labels: dream

Birthday Post:
Never really celebrated birthday before, maybe once when I had a BBQ organized by myself. Haha. Well, it depends on different views on how birthdays are celebrated. 19 years old, seems weird to me. I'm nowhere near teenager and not yet an adult. Transition period, I guess. Same goes for 20 years old. Looking back, it's been a looooong year filled with ups and downs.. But yet, God still loves me! As I approach my adulthood, my life is getting more and more exciting.. Haha, I can't wait to see what lies ahead of me. A missionarie in the making? An evangelist in the making, a pastor in the making or just someone normal? Am I gonna stay in Singapore all my life, am I moving on to other countries? Am I going backpacking soon? Am I gonna live my life as a traveller? Hahaha...

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Don't really have the time to blog recently, so I'm using lunch time to do so. Birthday celebration with my parents, brought them to seoul garden and it was their first time there! They were so amazed by seoul garden, well I told them I will bring them a nicer place next time.

Me and my parents talked about my Doulos trip recently, once again. This time was to give me another assurance :) I asked Dad if he will miss me when I'm away for 2 years, he said yes. Then he said that since I have already decided to go, he knows that nothing can stop me. I'm glad he understand; but all the more I want him to understand what my dreams are. I know one day they will.

SIP has been nothing but a test of my endurance of office work. Now we are updating and editing database; you don't wanna know how many there are. It's a figure number. Now we are still at 3 figure. Damn, this whole thing will take about a month to complete; that is if we do the data everyday! How much more can I hate office work and sitting in an office all day long.
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Talked about birthday; I have friends asking what gift I want. To be true, I never really thought about gifts that I will receive from others. I don't mind what you give, just let it be from your heart; even a simplr prayer will do. However, how many of us actually do things from our heart now?

Thanks to all my friends, even those overseas, who remembered my birthday. Doesn't matter if it was a belated one; it's the thoughts that count. At least I came to your mind! Trust me, your well wishes made a difference to my day.

19 years ago, someone was born on this day. I've always find that 10th of May is a special day, much more meaningful than any other day :) 19 years, not too long yet not too short. I'm pretty sure there are many more years to come.

Well, the office is noisy and can't really gernerate my thoughts for birthday now. Anyway, thanks friends who remembered my birthday and your well wishes!

Happy Birthday to me!!!

I can't fathom why Singaporeans are classified as fast walkers. Alright, let's not kick the ass of everyone; some Singaporeans are simply walking like snails and they didn't care if they were blocking the whole passage way or not. I have encounter far too many incidents about snails walkers and inconsiderate slow poches who jammed the way. 2 cents.

So, it's my birthday's eve's eve.. 2 more days to 19, then 20, then 21, then.... We are just getting older and older and older and... wrinker~

Haha, actually I have nothing much to blog about since Freddy Ang Jing Ming is always staring into my computer and drinking his milo.. Did I forget to remind readers that he's gay? Oh well, think "gay" in another form; or whatever form you want :)

* Happy super belated birthday to Joycelyn
** Happy belated birthday to Nigel
*** Happy advance birthday to Grace
**** Happy advance birthday to Mary
***** Happy advance birthday to Cleo

Hah~ May babies are a blessing. It's good to be one.. Cause either we spend out birthdays in between mid-terms exams, in office working, near mother's day.. or... whatever..

STOP LOOKING AT MY SCREEN, FREDDY ANG!

I'm astonished. How could my own uncle comment that my dream of serving on board Doulos as USELESS?

"You gotta spend $12 000 on that ship for 2 years, why not use the money for Bible colledge? Serving on that ship is useless, they don't pay you and yet you got to work for them."

Totally can't agree with that. I HATE typical people like these. So it's always take take take and we can't give give give? Call yourself a pastor with doctorate.

True that we will have to work, true that we don't get paid at all, true that using the money for Bible Colledge might be a better choice. But NOT true if serving God onboard Doulos is USELESS. Can't people just learn to give without asking to be have something in return? Has this world taught us only this?

What I see from Doulos is 2 years of whole new experience, 2 years of discipline working with people from all over the world. 2 years of experiencing God outside our comfort zone. 2 years of life that's not filled with computers, games, money and etc.

Grandma asked if I still wanna serve on Doulos. I told her...

"Even if it's hard; I'll go. Even if I'll get seasick; I'll go. Even if people around me don't understand; I'll go"

Of course, may God's will be done. Disappointment in my Uncle D***d.