The Grace in Grace

I don't know. Sometimes I want to be rebellious. Sometimes I want to be different from the rest. Sometimes I don't want to do what everyone is doing. Sometimes I want to outshine people. Sometimes I want to live life differently and have a different testimony to share.

My family's traditional. At least that's what they made me feel. My grandma is English educated, she knows what rugby is and she has traveled to a heap of countries. My grandma is traditional, yet not that traditional. Ah, I should say 'Singaporean-washed'. Her (that includes every single one in the family other than Shireen) rationale of a stable life was to study, get a office job, earn a few thousand a month, married, have kids, have CPF, Medisave and whatever-save.

So, when I came along and say I don't want a life like these.. Imagine the reaction. Now they're happy with me cause I have a stable job, income and graduated. But soon, I'm sure, they would be frowning at me.

As I was sitting at my place, looking at the old-traditional-likes-to-find-fault-singaporean-kiasu-teacher teaching, I can't help but feel disgusted.

"You all are (class name), you all should have scored the best grade. But how come like that? Horrible you know!"

I suddenly remembered the teachers Glor mentioned from OFS.. if only our teachers are like them. Positive approach, sensitive teaching.. instead of blaming and brain-washing students with negative words hoping that it will motivate them. The whole time I'm telling the teacher to shoosh in my head. Felt so rebellious then. She wasn't teaching me, but I felt like walking out of the lab.

Life's short man.. I will; mark my words, read my lips; pack up and fly awaaaaay.. Gotta learn how to travel, eat, live and experience like never before. It's my life, my chapter, my story. Time to get rid of the 'Singaporean-washed' side of me.. Yeeehaaaaa!

Saw the guitars and unknowingly picked it up to play. Boy, my nails are way long and my fingers were hard from the lack of practicing. Then I remembered that one of my New Year resolution was to pick up the guitar again. It has been so dead playing those simple chords over and over again, never progressed in any way.

I should start playing again. Come on, strum those guitars and whack those drum sticks this year!

Glor, you're my guitar teacher, I say again :D

One of the best weekend, I should say! Slept-in on Saturday (like which Saturday I don't sleep in, right?), finally woke up at 2.50p.m (woots!), watched some random Korean drama, Youtubed and then met Rod for dinner. Haven seen him in awhile, but still the same. For the first time since I could remember, the night felt young. It was already 9 when we finished dinner, but felt like 7-ish. Cabbed down to Barracuda, and yes, Rod, I have been to Boat Quay. He talks as though I'm some mountain turtle that have never landed elsewhere besides home ground. Tsk, very rude. I just sucked at remembering routes can?

Barracuda was nice, good ambiance and crowd. In the end manage to drag Azri down too! Thanks for coming, and I'm waiting for your call after 1st March. Paris International it will be :D Girlfriend did a good job that night with her team, you deserve that rest! Won a photography book in the luck draw, I wanted the free courses lah! I think I'm falling in love with Erdinger :) Pool session with Rod and Azri, and I should have been the one that won, but cats like to play cheat, what to do? The whole party ended at 3a.m, by the time we got back it was 4.

I love your blankie, girlfriend! And the mountains of pillows, just like my own bed. I actually woke up at 6 by my own alarm, and surprisingly I'm quite awake! Slept back and got woken up by her stupid-irritating-not-working-phone's alarm clock that wouldn't stop. In the end I took out the batteries, HAHA! Was late for my own Church by the time I woke up, went to GMC. It's really a luxury to attend church minutes away from you, and I mean walking and less than 5. For the first time in a few months, I paid attention to sermon :P It was a good service, reminded me of time management. Why is it I always pay attention to sermon in other Churches, but not during my own Church's service?

It was back to Glor's place after service. Laaaaaaaaaaaze the afternoon away watching National Treasure 2 and a heap of documentaries. That's what I call a lazy Sunday. Had dinner with her family and ended up joining in her family-time, or whatever she calls it.

It was strange, but I couldn't help it. Emotions were rising and I was actually choking back tears during the family worship. Oh man, if my own family would have things like such. It's was really, and I mean, REALLY, nice to just sit around and talk about your week, what you've learn, what you've encoutered. It keeps you updated of what's going on in the family. Called me sensitive or whatever, but I was touched :) My love language was indeed Quality Time.

A little guitar, been awhile too. I learn a new cord, C7. Glor's my new guitar teacher, I don't care. Yeah! Glor send me home, saved me from the lonely bus-ride! It was a really nice weekend. I got the sleep I wanted, the fun I needed, the spiritual food I lacked, the time well-spend and the lazy-feeling which was gone for sooo long.

Thanks for all, girlfriend :)

I want to have a great week ahead too! Life's good :)

I wanted God to open doors for me. He did :) Unexpectedly, amazingly.

1st major door opening: My parents' salvation. To date, they have been attending Church and seriously considering the salvation issue. Dad asked me how long have I been a Christian, then he questioned why did I believe in a God that I have never seen, touch or hear before. In return, I asked..

Me: "What are you breathing in now?"
Dad: "Air"
Me: "Why are you breathing air?"
Dad: : "To survive"
Me: "Have you seen air?"
Dad: "No."
Me: "Then why do you believe that what you're breathing in is air?"

To cut in short, I explained to him that everyone experience God in different way. What I say to him may not apply, he will have to experience it himself. Thank God, for the very first time I shared with him a little of my testimony when I was first diagnosed with diabetes. I cried, so did Dad. And I can't believe I told him this during the end of the conversation..

Me: "You know God, Dad. You have been to Church when you were young, you know Him and He knows you. During those tough times, it is humans who failed you, not God. He is waiting for you to turn back. Like a father who will always forgive his child when he did wrong, God is waiting."

I have no idea what might have went through his mind that night, but I know it is God working, not me.

2nd door that has opened: Sailing of Logos Hope. LH finally set sail and is into ministry!

3rd door opening: My health! Sometime last year my condition was really unstable. Doctor put me on High Risk case, he made me go back once a month and increase my medicine dosage. I asked him what if I were to go for a 2-year mission trip. He said, he will have to observe my condition. I prayed and asked myself.. "How to walk the distance if my health doesn't allow? God, I want to take care of this temple and walk where You want me to go" Over the months pass, I didn't deliberately do anything.. But each time I went for check-up.. it just got better. Until the last visit, the doctor finally cut my dosage. I may just look forward to the day of being medicine-free!

There are a few more doors, and I'm sure God will open them in His time. Doors that God opened cannot be closed by others. The vision is getting clearer.

Go, Logos Hope!!

It's that familiar smell in the air.

Late into the morning, all was still and quiet. I was getting restless facing the computer the whole morning, being unproductive and wasting precious time. A few minutes before the bell rang for my last class of the day, I decided to hang around my favorite spot while waiting for the students to come. Other than the occasional bustling of cars zooming down the road, the surrounding was quite tranquil. I basked under the sun, allowing the gentle wind to brush through my skin and getting my body warmed up again; just what I needed after that long time in lab.

Amidst the tranquility, a familiar scent filled the late morning air. I couldn't make out what it was, but yet it's so familiar and close to the heart. I've smelt it somewhere before and it's the smell that lingers within even after a long time. I took a deeper breath, memories started to form.. It was the smell of forest! Some mixture of burnt wood, soil and the trees. It's the kampong-kind of smell. Reminded me of the walk I took with Frauke in Kiel..

I don't mind basking in the sun every other day.. and I shall walk over to East Coast for lunch!

A pleasant gift for that morning :)

Life was much simpler back when you're still in school. You have the holidays to look forward to, the sleep-ins, the camps and maybe even overseas holidays. But when you stepped into the working world, you only have the public holidays to look forward to, that 12-14 days of off-days you can take, the occasional mc and maybe some unpaid leaves.

I survived the 7s game on Saturday! Actually, I didn't play much because I'm still new; but it's good enough I played in the first and last game. Like I have been telling myself, play for the spirit of it! It really did served as a great motivation to train harder.

Had a heavy lunch after the game, guess I will stay away from Japanese food for awhile. Glor's bowl of pork cutlet rice just made me hate pork and maybe eggs even more.. HAHA! Seriously, thinking about it now still turns me off. Damn humid and hot that day, we were perspiring in the air-conditioned restaurant and that short walk to Ben's house drenched me in sweat..Sticky sticky sticky.. Spent the rest of the afternoon watching Titanic and for the first time I manage to watched 3/4 of it, yes, I have never seen the full movie before. Late into the evening was Church activity and then dinnered with Geoff and Yuen. I almost forgot that properity burger existed..Ooooo, I like the black pepper sauce!

No training on Sunday, time-off for the finger and shoulder. I seriously think if my shoulder were to pop once more, I should see a doctor. It's been some time since we had a all girls outing (oh wait, Matt was with us!). The same thing, very humid and hot. Humidity level yesterday was 65-95%, oh my goodness! Once again, we were perspiring in the air-conditioned food court. Can't they turn the air-condition stronger!! Walked around aimlessly since we all had the whole day to waste.. In the end we went over to Docas' for karaoke and dinner.

Currently, my brain is not thinking.. and I'm typing aimlessly here..

Took medical leave today. Finally some time-off to nurse that week's old flu and cough with the accompanyment of a swollen finger and sprained shoulder.. Seriously, my brain is somewhere else now.. I shall stop here.

Oh.. and I'm happy that the doctor reduced my medicine dosage! He said my condition is much stable now..HAH! Maybe one day I don't need any medication.. woots!

Guinness Singapore Rugby Women's 7s

9.30a.m the first kick off.
Last game at 1.50p.m.

Yio Chu Kang Stadium.

Tomorrow is the day.. tomorrow.. Yesterday I did power runs on my own, I really wonder how to survive the 14 minutes of sprinting round that 100m field, chasing, tackling, defending and attacking.

Man, I've been telling myself to play for the spirit of it.. but looking at the fixtures.. WAH!

Captain ball after that.. Will I even have the strength to catch the ball? HAHAHAHA!

Tomorrow oh tomorrow..

I used to fall sick like maybe once a year when I was stronger. Nowadays, I lost track of the number of times I'm down with flu, cough, fever.. My immune system is getting weaker as I age.. Haha, as if I'm well advanced in age already..

But seriously, as I increase in age.. It seems that I'm falling sick easily. Is the immune system going downhill already? I should have expected it huh.. Maybe I only have another 20 years left.. CHOY!!

I often read about the other complications that follows, sometimes it still scares me, sometimes I just didn't want to think about it. I'm sure when it comes, I will have what it takes to face or simply overcome them.

Falling sick before the 7s game is a no no no... Oh please, get well soon.

I really don't have patience and I really suck at having patience. Often my students and family members gets the worse of me, sometimes close friends too. I rolled my eyes when students tell me things like, "My computer cannot on! The printer cannot print! Why cannot on? Why ah? Why ah?" Inside me, it's like.. "Why are you asking me such simple questions?"

Many times or most times, I forgot that I was once like that too. Grace oh Grace, when will you learn to be patient? Instead of rolling your eyes, can't you walk over and comfort that little girl? Instead of showing your straight face, can't your gently say "I'll come over." Instead of ignoring student when they ask for simple help, can't you just be patient and help?

And so, I asked.. How do you gain patience? I really admire people who have a lot of patience with people and things. They never flare up, they are always nice and gentle, they are meek.. I want people to be patience with me when I'm slow, I want people to be patience with me when I find it hard.. So, isn't it time, Grace, you show some patience yourself? Bring down that 'D' inside you, bring up that 'S' and 'I'.

Do what you want others to do to you!

My dear family members, friends and students whom I have lost my patience to.. My sincere apologies.. Tell me when I start to roll my eyes again.. Say, "PATIENCE!"

It's the season of flu, cough, fever and all things bad about health. Quite a number of people were unwell in Church, the next thing I know, it stroked me. Where did the block nose and cough come from?

I was perfectly fine the day before playing rugby, running like mad and swimming after that. Now, I'm in my jacket feeling feverish! There's a saying that people don't fall sick because of weak bodies, but fall sick because they stay indoors too much. I'm becoming one. Every time I step out of the lab it felt so good, and it sucked to enter again.

Can't fall sick. One more training and less than a weak till the 7s game.

Training on Sunday morning was fine, and I guess it was really hiong. We trained from 9-12 and physical after that. I left at 11.15a.m, the game was still on-going after I left! Oh my, now it's sending butterflies into my stomach thinking about this Saturday... Do well for defense, do well for attack, close up that gap, realign that line, keep the communication strong, chase your pass, build up that stamina!!

AHHH!!

Finally made it to training last night! SA guys were taking the field, so we had to do drills on the hockey pitch. We practiced on scrums, scrum defense, line-out and... I forgot. First it was 1 vs 1, which was pretty alright. I keep sliding and all along I couldn't advance a tiny bit against Glor lah.. This woman is too strong, but it won't always be :D

It has always been a childhood thing to breakaway from where I am. I've always dream of packing up and leave to travel for a few good years. I watched with admiration whenever I read of people who left what they were doing to travel, to pursue their dreams even when the whole world was against them. Last night, I read of a lecturer who had traveled to more than a hundred over countries, some was even unheard or unknown to most! Then, I thought to myself.. "Hey, that's what I want to do!"

It's the first Sunday of CNY! Like many previous years, we went opposite to the HBD blocks to distribute oranges. It was some time ago (what I felt) since I last done something like this and strangely I was reluctant to go. Was even thinking of calling Glor out, so I can escape. But thankfully I didn't; I enjoyed it by the way.So, here are the evidence of us (opps!) not really paying attention during sermon... bad, bad, bad.. tsk tsk tsk! And if you're thinking that Wan was reading the Bible or taking down sermon notes, you're so wrong.
During tea time, I grab Shann over to take ang bao from my grandma. Look at his smile, insanely cute and innocent. Grandma say keep the ang bao for him first, but the smart fellow knows a thing or two, refused to let me hold. Then Wan came and took it away and pass it to the father. Shann became angry, he grabbed the packet from the father... then he pass it back to him. So, he wanted to pass it to the father HIMSELF.
Shann oh shann, cute as a button. I want my son to be as cute, or even cuter.. He's really "well-trained" for a 2 year old.
There, the whole group (without me inside) ready to distribute those oranges.
The whole thing ended pretty fast. Wen Kai was teamed with me, another cute boy! Bubbly and easy to bully (opps!).
So, there were still oranges left. Our team was to distribute to pass-bys. Wen Kai was so excited about it, he dashed the moment he saw a passer-by from FAR. He literally ran to the passer-by with the oranges, but got rejected. In the end we ended up giving out oranges at the bus-stop, to Church people. 
We went Cartel for lunch. I'm beginning to reject meat so much, I gave 3/4 of my chicken to the guys. I happily munched on my assorted vegetables, 2 piece of fish and tiny portion of pasta. Of course in the middle I grab fries from tables.
After lunch we decided to go over to Ning's. Out of nowhere we had cravings for sugar canes, as in the read sugar cane. I bought 2 from the drink stall and munch all the way to Ning's place. Along the way, we were happily spitting and chewing. I guess those didn't count as little, it can be used as fertilizer. Anyway, I was telling Ning how nice it will be if we were backpacking somewhere, chewing sugar cane, spitting it like no body's business, walking down those old old street and not care about the time..

I was wondering if I want to go the night before. There I have Bu's video to rush and it's freaking past 12a.m. Saturdays are my sleep-in day, and going for the visiting means waking up at 8a.m. Period, in the end I went. By the time I dragged myself out of bed, it was too late to take a bus down to Church and too early to take a cab down. And so I went KFC for breakfast, their waffles can be a murder weapon, daaaaamn hard. Their honey biscuit tasted like a bunch of honey stars compressed together.