Friday, September 30, 2005
Looking through some of SOP's past photographs, I realize the number of photos are cutting down as the years goes by. Busy yeah? I can't help but laught at some of the photos.. While looking through, it shows how SOP has come about. From a small little group to an non-profit organisation travelling asia each year. What we see is the surface, but I'm pretty sure there's a lot of tears and sweat behind the scene.
This happens in a lot of ways. What most of us see is the surface, the positive results. Seldom do we see the negative or the story deep within. When we look at multi-million dollar companies, we want to own one too. But do we really know the effort behind it, the number of years to built it and the tears behind it? Often, we know the facts, but we don't experience them. Seeing and going through is totally two different thing. Take for example, the rice we eat. How many months does it takes to ripe and be harvested. That's not all; what about the labour of the farmers and the delivery of it? Never thought of it? Hah, it's only normal.
We want to be this, want to be that; want to achieve this, achieve that.. We say we are willing to go through the tough ways and will be determined; how many times have it come true? When the real test comes, did you faced it like what you say you will or did things happened the other way round? Don't have to be ashame about that, a lot of people are like this. I've been there and done that. Forget your mistakes, but remember what they taught you.
A lot of us say we are willing to give our life for God, walk till the end of the earth for Him. Are you sure? Cause if you say you are, are you prepared for the way ahead? Many of times, we don't realise; we made empty promises to others and worse still, to God. "I'm willing to serve God, yes! With all my life, all my soul, everything! May Your will be done and not mine"-- but when the calling come; "God, are you sure it's me? No, I can't do it! It's totally out of my plan. If I answer this calling, my plan that I have will be ruin." Familar? "May Your will be done" indeed.
God's path is not always easy; may be even much more tougher than others. Who knows, you might lead a better life. But hey, know the difference! Easy life and to hell when you die, or tough and meaningful life and to heaven when you breath your last? God will be there to welcome you home or Satan be there to say, " Welcome home, idoit! Good life on top eh, now you pay the price."
I don't know what has gotten into me recently. Can't seem to lead a good worship for God. Wrong choice of songs, no theme, no link. no good testimony... what's wrong?
This happens in a lot of ways. What most of us see is the surface, the positive results. Seldom do we see the negative or the story deep within. When we look at multi-million dollar companies, we want to own one too. But do we really know the effort behind it, the number of years to built it and the tears behind it? Often, we know the facts, but we don't experience them. Seeing and going through is totally two different thing. Take for example, the rice we eat. How many months does it takes to ripe and be harvested. That's not all; what about the labour of the farmers and the delivery of it? Never thought of it? Hah, it's only normal.
We want to be this, want to be that; want to achieve this, achieve that.. We say we are willing to go through the tough ways and will be determined; how many times have it come true? When the real test comes, did you faced it like what you say you will or did things happened the other way round? Don't have to be ashame about that, a lot of people are like this. I've been there and done that. Forget your mistakes, but remember what they taught you.
A lot of us say we are willing to give our life for God, walk till the end of the earth for Him. Are you sure? Cause if you say you are, are you prepared for the way ahead? Many of times, we don't realise; we made empty promises to others and worse still, to God. "I'm willing to serve God, yes! With all my life, all my soul, everything! May Your will be done and not mine"-- but when the calling come; "God, are you sure it's me? No, I can't do it! It's totally out of my plan. If I answer this calling, my plan that I have will be ruin." Familar? "May Your will be done" indeed.
God's path is not always easy; may be even much more tougher than others. Who knows, you might lead a better life. But hey, know the difference! Easy life and to hell when you die, or tough and meaningful life and to heaven when you breath your last? God will be there to welcome you home or Satan be there to say, " Welcome home, idoit! Good life on top eh, now you pay the price."
I don't know what has gotten into me recently. Can't seem to lead a good worship for God. Wrong choice of songs, no theme, no link. no good testimony... what's wrong?
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Who me?
Jogging can be refreshing, although tiring. Went for my 2.4k jog yesterday and it was great running in the rain. Was in my last 2 round, when the rain came. Deciding if I wanted to call it quit since it's raining or carry on; well I carried on. Stop after the run, walked around and did some cooling down exercise. After the rain stop, I walked a round on the track and headed home.
Upper tights are a little soar today, but heck about it; I know I have burned some fats away. Woke up around 9 plus in the morning, wanted to cycle to East Coast, but the sun just put me off. Arg... Was at the super market just now and so happen to saw frozen food was stored in -18C. How I wish I could be in that kind of weather now. Singapore coolest temperature; let's say 22C. I have never experience winter before, boy when will this day come?
Leading Praise and Worship this Sunday again. Will history repeat itself? Seriously, I'm not sure and I'm a little scare when JY told me that I will be leading. I had a choice to not lead or lead; I chose to lead and not run away. People are getting lesser and lesser, a big discouragement. But what matters most is God. No matter how little people there are, my purpose is to lead them to God. *Be with me O Lord*
Was thinking in bed just last night, what difference do I have compared to others, maybe like EC, SY or MCL? Was thinking for quite a long time because I don't know why, but there are a lot of thoughts going on in my mind. Finally I came to a conclusion, not much difference at all. Well maybe in terms of looks, size, character and etc. But in God's eyes, we're all His children. Each of us "set off" at different time and has different task to do; but all that we do, we do it for God. Like EC, passion for youths and all the talks she gave; all for the glory and honor of God. When being interviewed, she never fails to mention God. SY, a talented musician and composer. The songs she wrote, the example she set touches the people around her. Be it you know her as friend or not. MCL, a talented musician and composer as well. Serving God together with SY. Each and every one of us has his or her own task to fulfill. Enough of talking about them, let's talk about people that I'm close to or of my own age I should say.
Wan Yi, a good musician to me. Didn't know she picked up her piano skills by herself. Funny most of the time, but there's another character of her that not many people will notice. She will serve as a good musician in church and maybe even in the committee Lydia, always been a good friend to other. Very caring and takes time to look after people. Will be a good Sunday teacher in further; not forgetting a good mother. JY, a multi musician and have the potential to lead but yet been released to the fullest.
Lord, I give my life.
Talk about 5X2 now, so my blog entry caused a big hoo-haa huh? Come on, don't worry, I'm not at all angry with the group; why should I anyway? It's my blog, I type what I wanna type. It's my feelings, what I feel and what I have learned. Some times it's the difference in thinking that caused misunderstanding; maybe maturity counts as well. There's a reason why I clicked better with people older than me. Not to say that people of my own age are childish, but maybe the things that I have gone through, made me different from some.
Well maybe you guys can't accept me by how I look at things and my "serious" level, but hey, that's me. Maybe in a few years time, you'll come to know how I must have felt and maybe then you'll remember who Grace is.
I can joke; have fun like any of you all. But I believe there's a time for everything. I choose to keep quite some times, maybe even aloof; because I don't see a need to talk or react. The more one talk, the less the others will remember.
Upper tights are a little soar today, but heck about it; I know I have burned some fats away. Woke up around 9 plus in the morning, wanted to cycle to East Coast, but the sun just put me off. Arg... Was at the super market just now and so happen to saw frozen food was stored in -18C. How I wish I could be in that kind of weather now. Singapore coolest temperature; let's say 22C. I have never experience winter before, boy when will this day come?
Leading Praise and Worship this Sunday again. Will history repeat itself? Seriously, I'm not sure and I'm a little scare when JY told me that I will be leading. I had a choice to not lead or lead; I chose to lead and not run away. People are getting lesser and lesser, a big discouragement. But what matters most is God. No matter how little people there are, my purpose is to lead them to God. *Be with me O Lord*
Was thinking in bed just last night, what difference do I have compared to others, maybe like EC, SY or MCL? Was thinking for quite a long time because I don't know why, but there are a lot of thoughts going on in my mind. Finally I came to a conclusion, not much difference at all. Well maybe in terms of looks, size, character and etc. But in God's eyes, we're all His children. Each of us "set off" at different time and has different task to do; but all that we do, we do it for God. Like EC, passion for youths and all the talks she gave; all for the glory and honor of God. When being interviewed, she never fails to mention God. SY, a talented musician and composer. The songs she wrote, the example she set touches the people around her. Be it you know her as friend or not. MCL, a talented musician and composer as well. Serving God together with SY. Each and every one of us has his or her own task to fulfill. Enough of talking about them, let's talk about people that I'm close to or of my own age I should say.
Wan Yi, a good musician to me. Didn't know she picked up her piano skills by herself. Funny most of the time, but there's another character of her that not many people will notice. She will serve as a good musician in church and maybe even in the committee Lydia, always been a good friend to other. Very caring and takes time to look after people. Will be a good Sunday teacher in further; not forgetting a good mother. JY, a multi musician and have the potential to lead but yet been released to the fullest.
Lord, I give my life.
Talk about 5X2 now, so my blog entry caused a big hoo-haa huh? Come on, don't worry, I'm not at all angry with the group; why should I anyway? It's my blog, I type what I wanna type. It's my feelings, what I feel and what I have learned. Some times it's the difference in thinking that caused misunderstanding; maybe maturity counts as well. There's a reason why I clicked better with people older than me. Not to say that people of my own age are childish, but maybe the things that I have gone through, made me different from some.
Well maybe you guys can't accept me by how I look at things and my "serious" level, but hey, that's me. Maybe in a few years time, you'll come to know how I must have felt and maybe then you'll remember who Grace is.
I can joke; have fun like any of you all. But I believe there's a time for everything. I choose to keep quite some times, maybe even aloof; because I don't see a need to talk or react. The more one talk, the less the others will remember.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Job
Reading the book of Job now in the Bible and I think this book is so right for me. Take time to read, and you will know what I mean. Difficult life, tough life, we know God's there but we still grumble and wonder if God really cares; this book tells you all about it. Being a christian; let's say for about a decade now, life has always been a lot of ups and downs for me. When I pray, I told God that no matter what happens I know You are in my life and will always be with me. With You around, what's there to be afraid of. But sometimes, I just got frighten and back off. Fear haunt me, sadness, hurt and dissapointment; part of life. But I'm only glad that God really is there for me and everyone.
Lord, we tell you that we know that You are there. But in times, we forgotten that You are there and walked in our will instead of Yours. Lord, forgove us of our sins and let our vision be fixed onto the cross. Let us hold on to You and Lord, please do not forsake us.
Enjoyed being with God and living in His will. Though not easy, but the Lord is good.
Lord, we tell you that we know that You are there. But in times, we forgotten that You are there and walked in our will instead of Yours. Lord, forgove us of our sins and let our vision be fixed onto the cross. Let us hold on to You and Lord, please do not forsake us.
Enjoyed being with God and living in His will. Though not easy, but the Lord is good.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Knock out
Complete knock out yesterday. It was less than 5 minutes before I fell asleep once I touch my bed; I had the music on futhermore. I was saying a prayer and before I knew it, I fell asleep. Just came back from the INTSC camp, was a bad nor a good camp. Got sun tanned and had some fun. Was the best group and got myself a free IT school shirt.
Suppose to go for the Pacesetters gathering today, but drop that cause I'm still tired from yesterday's camp. Going out to get my guitar strings later, lesson after that and church in the evening.
Don't feel like blogging much now.. Update later :)
Suppose to go for the Pacesetters gathering today, but drop that cause I'm still tired from yesterday's camp. Going out to get my guitar strings later, lesson after that and church in the evening.
Don't feel like blogging much now.. Update later :)
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Everything for Him
Carnie just helped me remember a song that slip my mind. "Mian tui kun nan ye bu qi nei, mei ge meng xiang tan tan zhi wei ni"---> I apologise if there is any error in my han yu pin yin, ain't good in them :P
Yep, even when I'm faced with troubles, I won't give up. Discourage, yeah some times I will be, but trust me and trust God; I'm one tough cookie. God is the one who gives and take away, He knows what's best for me and what's not. When God takes away something that seems to be very precious to us, He replaced it with Himself or something much more better. Well well well, God put people in my life for a reason yeah?
Just finish packing for camp tomorrow and I'm not at all excited about it. Hah, the only thing I can look forward to? Adventure learning, maybe :/
Finally I send out the e-mail to Life Strings; been wanting to have that done since last week. Now, I need to talk to Andjelita and maybe some more people and see how they can advice or help me. Darn, I have yet to buy my strings for the guitar and lesson starts this saturday! Have to rush down after camp or after the Pacesetter gathering on saturday. Camp tomorrow and friday. Saturday morning Pacesetters gathering at East Coast, guitar lesson in the afternoon and church youth service in the evening. Well, looks like a packed and blessed day.
Been approached by Wan to be the song leader for the coming Christmas event. I'm delighted to be one, but at the same time I struggled. I was afraid of dissapointment at first, but after praying, I took up the challenge. Like what I mentioned before, prayers open up heaven's door. Guess I was still quite upsad over what happened on sunday, but I believe God will heal my wound.
It has always been my dream, a wish and a vision to lead Praise and Woship in front of many people. Not because I wanna show of my leading skills or my voice (My voice ain't great anyway), but because I want to lead them to God and worship the almighty God together. Everytime I watch SOP's VCD on their worship, I wished that one day I could do the same. Whenever I listened to CD, I would picture myself leading. Jumping up and down for God, getting all fired up and the place filled with God's presence. I believe this dream of mine will come true. I have always wanted to be a missionary, serving God all my life and going till the ends of the earth for God. I'm serious about it and if this is God's will and what he wants me to do, I'm willing to give my all. Though this path is difficult, but I know I will win this battle for God. Amen!
Had a chat with David just now. Being God's child is not at all easy... I believe there's a reason why God put different people in my life.
Stream of Praise reaching out to Japan! That's good news, another new location for them and that means more people are reached. China is next...
Alright, gonna turn in early. Camp reporting time is 7.30a.m and I've got to give someone wake up call! Haa..
Yep, even when I'm faced with troubles, I won't give up. Discourage, yeah some times I will be, but trust me and trust God; I'm one tough cookie. God is the one who gives and take away, He knows what's best for me and what's not. When God takes away something that seems to be very precious to us, He replaced it with Himself or something much more better. Well well well, God put people in my life for a reason yeah?
Just finish packing for camp tomorrow and I'm not at all excited about it. Hah, the only thing I can look forward to? Adventure learning, maybe :/
Finally I send out the e-mail to Life Strings; been wanting to have that done since last week. Now, I need to talk to Andjelita and maybe some more people and see how they can advice or help me. Darn, I have yet to buy my strings for the guitar and lesson starts this saturday! Have to rush down after camp or after the Pacesetter gathering on saturday. Camp tomorrow and friday. Saturday morning Pacesetters gathering at East Coast, guitar lesson in the afternoon and church youth service in the evening. Well, looks like a packed and blessed day.
Been approached by Wan to be the song leader for the coming Christmas event. I'm delighted to be one, but at the same time I struggled. I was afraid of dissapointment at first, but after praying, I took up the challenge. Like what I mentioned before, prayers open up heaven's door. Guess I was still quite upsad over what happened on sunday, but I believe God will heal my wound.
It has always been my dream, a wish and a vision to lead Praise and Woship in front of many people. Not because I wanna show of my leading skills or my voice (My voice ain't great anyway), but because I want to lead them to God and worship the almighty God together. Everytime I watch SOP's VCD on their worship, I wished that one day I could do the same. Whenever I listened to CD, I would picture myself leading. Jumping up and down for God, getting all fired up and the place filled with God's presence. I believe this dream of mine will come true. I have always wanted to be a missionary, serving God all my life and going till the ends of the earth for God. I'm serious about it and if this is God's will and what he wants me to do, I'm willing to give my all. Though this path is difficult, but I know I will win this battle for God. Amen!
Had a chat with David just now. Being God's child is not at all easy... I believe there's a reason why God put different people in my life.
Stream of Praise reaching out to Japan! That's good news, another new location for them and that means more people are reached. China is next...
Alright, gonna turn in early. Camp reporting time is 7.30a.m and I've got to give someone wake up call! Haa..
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Dissapointed
Utterly dissapointed with today's Praise and Worship. For the first time, I felt so lonely in front. Suppose to be worshipping God together yeah, I felt I was staging a concert for God alone. Despite the number of times I tried to bring them to God; or at least to open their mouth and sing; failed. The look of their faces simply just put me off. By the 4th song, I could no longer be "happy" and lead with my purpose. I simply turn "cold" and sang as it is. I tried to revived myself, but simply I just died off with the people sitting. Saw a few, or maybe just one face that is really singing and understanding the meaning of today's worship. The feeling of standing in front suck to the core. Imagine you prepared for the Praise and Woship, with the ultimate purpose of bringing the people to the Lord, worshiping the Good Lord together and things just turn out the other way round. First, when I start the worship by praying; I don't know what happen to that feaking mike of mine. Then, for the first song my mike simply "turn" off by itself. The 4th song, I simply sang it alone. For the worship section, I find no meaning in sharing my testimony. Coming to the last song, I couldn't hold it anymore. I told the people how dissapointed I was.
Had to agree with Fa Wang Lao Shi that one shouldn't pin all hope on humans.
Everytime I prepare the Praise and Worship with excitement, hoping to bring the people to God and to lead a strong worship. It has always been my dream and hope to worship in a big group with God's strong presence. But each time the church failed me. What I plan didn't turn out.. Again and again I prepare the Praise and Woship with excitement, holding on to my purpose... But again and again I am faced with dissapointement. How I wish I could share with the rest what have I gone through the pass week or how God has touched my life; but.. looking at their faces; "I-AM-NOT-INTERESTED-AND-HURRY-UP-FINISH-THE-SERVICE"
"You have done a good job, in God's eye you have given your 100%. You effort, God sees them all... Grace was being honest with her feelings just now... do you all felt the dissapointment in her?..."--- Thanks Fa Wang Lao Shi
I wished I could share this with someone, and that someone could feedback to me.. who?
EC?--- Nah, she's too busy
Dia?--- Nah, she's there today
Mary?---Nah, think she's busy with the US tour things
Only God is there and will always be there for me
Had to agree with Fa Wang Lao Shi that one shouldn't pin all hope on humans.
Everytime I prepare the Praise and Worship with excitement, hoping to bring the people to God and to lead a strong worship. It has always been my dream and hope to worship in a big group with God's strong presence. But each time the church failed me. What I plan didn't turn out.. Again and again I prepare the Praise and Woship with excitement, holding on to my purpose... But again and again I am faced with dissapointement. How I wish I could share with the rest what have I gone through the pass week or how God has touched my life; but.. looking at their faces; "I-AM-NOT-INTERESTED-AND-HURRY-UP-FINISH-THE-SERVICE"
"You have done a good job, in God's eye you have given your 100%. You effort, God sees them all... Grace was being honest with her feelings just now... do you all felt the dissapointment in her?..."--- Thanks Fa Wang Lao Shi
I wished I could share this with someone, and that someone could feedback to me.. who?
EC?--- Nah, she's too busy
Dia?--- Nah, she's there today
Mary?---Nah, think she's busy with the US tour things
Only God is there and will always be there for me
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Lalalala
Woke up with swollen eyes this morning, first thing that came to mind was what happened yesterday before I went to sleep. The Lord knows what happened. Work today was alright, thank God; I know He heard my prayers. I was full of thanks by mid-day and full of praise and thanks when the day ended.
When I was covered with tears last night, I know God must have held on to me tightly. Though I couln't feel it in real touch, but I know He did. While tearing, I had a vision.. I was like a little child crying out to the Lord. Crying hard and silently. Just then, God appeared from behind. He called out to me and reach out His hands. I turn and run towards Him. Hug God tightly and I cried even harder. God just held on to me, comforting me.
In many songs, the composer has written how God would hold on to us/them when they are down, sad and lonely. I truely know that it's true. In all my down moments, God has held on to me, renewing my strength. In my weekness, I may say I can't feel Him, it's tiring to walk with the Lord. But in actualy fact, I know I will never give up on the Lord; I will hold on tighter to Him. Read the Bible before I set off to work today. Read one of my favorite book in the Bible, James. God comforted me through His words.
Tough life? Doesn't matter, cause I'm living for God and suffering for Christ.
Saturaday tomorrow, Church day and God day! Praise and Worship practice tomorrow at 4.30p.m tomorrow and after that is the mooncake festival event. Dad and Mum will be meeting grandma and I will be in church first. Finally got the songs I want to lead out just now.
I don't know why, but I think I just don't fit into some 5X2 thing. I don't feel as close to each other as they do, and I don't really enjoy that much as they do. Come on, I think they are much closer than I am. I just an extra in that group. I feel so out of place in that group; more like tagging along. I'm glad to have friends like them; but simply I don't think I clicked with them, well. 5X2 went out together, TOGETHER almost all the time and I wasn't even informed! Yeah, I know I'm working and don't have the darn time; but at least ask? Hah, I'm not angry or anything; it's just weird. It's like, they know so much about each other, sharing stories that I don't even know when it had taken place. And there's someone that seem to know everything. Eg,Me, " You know bla bla bla bla bla..." That person, " (before I could finish) Yeah, I know lah" It just irritates me sometime. I just can't seem to click and be excited being with them. Weird me? Maybe.
Boy, just had dinner. I miss Stream of Praise, when will they come again? Next year? Yeah, I know; when? Haahaha..
When I was covered with tears last night, I know God must have held on to me tightly. Though I couln't feel it in real touch, but I know He did. While tearing, I had a vision.. I was like a little child crying out to the Lord. Crying hard and silently. Just then, God appeared from behind. He called out to me and reach out His hands. I turn and run towards Him. Hug God tightly and I cried even harder. God just held on to me, comforting me.
In many songs, the composer has written how God would hold on to us/them when they are down, sad and lonely. I truely know that it's true. In all my down moments, God has held on to me, renewing my strength. In my weekness, I may say I can't feel Him, it's tiring to walk with the Lord. But in actualy fact, I know I will never give up on the Lord; I will hold on tighter to Him. Read the Bible before I set off to work today. Read one of my favorite book in the Bible, James. God comforted me through His words.
Tough life? Doesn't matter, cause I'm living for God and suffering for Christ.
Saturaday tomorrow, Church day and God day! Praise and Worship practice tomorrow at 4.30p.m tomorrow and after that is the mooncake festival event. Dad and Mum will be meeting grandma and I will be in church first. Finally got the songs I want to lead out just now.
I don't know why, but I think I just don't fit into some 5X2 thing. I don't feel as close to each other as they do, and I don't really enjoy that much as they do. Come on, I think they are much closer than I am. I just an extra in that group. I feel so out of place in that group; more like tagging along. I'm glad to have friends like them; but simply I don't think I clicked with them, well. 5X2 went out together, TOGETHER almost all the time and I wasn't even informed! Yeah, I know I'm working and don't have the darn time; but at least ask? Hah, I'm not angry or anything; it's just weird. It's like, they know so much about each other, sharing stories that I don't even know when it had taken place. And there's someone that seem to know everything. Eg,Me, " You know bla bla bla bla bla..." That person, " (before I could finish) Yeah, I know lah" It just irritates me sometime. I just can't seem to click and be excited being with them. Weird me? Maybe.
Boy, just had dinner. I miss Stream of Praise, when will they come again? Next year? Yeah, I know; when? Haahaha..
Thursday, September 15, 2005
broken
My heart was broken for a moment today at work.. Seriously, I don't look forward to working each time; I don't know why. I tried so hard to meet her standard, but each time I just can't seem to. I know I'm not that fast, not that able and unsure about work and preparation.. But, I'm trying so very hard. I can feel my heart break that moment when that manager said those words. " You have been working here for 1 or 2 months, why are you still asking me? You can't work like that!" A few simple sentence, but it pierce through my heart. My heart sank, very much wanted to cry; but I held on to tears. Is it my fault? I'm slow; much slower than other people, maybe the slowest of all the people you have employed. But, can't you see I am doing my best each time?
Yeah.. I know maybe my looks detest you, maybe because I'm fat..But I really want you to know.. each time, I give my all.
I feel so useless. As compared to others, I'm slow. I'm not very sure of what to do, I'm not fast in my actions. I even need a new comer to teach me what to do. Boy, how bad can it get? Why am I isolated during dinner time? Why am I doing the job of two person? Why do you compare me with others?
Looks like the SOP cell group couldn't be formed since Winnie will be busy and can't commit.
How? Lord, You tell me how? You gave me this calling, You want me to answer it.. I want to and I am! But Lord.. how? I approach people but Lord, none showed me interest. They thought that I'm joking with them! Lord, can I do anything great for You? I know I can't expect results overnight, but Lord.. at least show me some hope. I'm weak, I don't have the strangth to hold on. I'm tired of praying to You, telling myself that You will give me strength even when i don't have it. I'm tired of telling myself that I can make it, tired of telling myself to hold on..
Lord, I'm scared... It's so hard to walk with You..
I'm holding on to You, but...
Yeah.. I know maybe my looks detest you, maybe because I'm fat..But I really want you to know.. each time, I give my all.
I feel so useless. As compared to others, I'm slow. I'm not very sure of what to do, I'm not fast in my actions. I even need a new comer to teach me what to do. Boy, how bad can it get? Why am I isolated during dinner time? Why am I doing the job of two person? Why do you compare me with others?
Looks like the SOP cell group couldn't be formed since Winnie will be busy and can't commit.
How? Lord, You tell me how? You gave me this calling, You want me to answer it.. I want to and I am! But Lord.. how? I approach people but Lord, none showed me interest. They thought that I'm joking with them! Lord, can I do anything great for You? I know I can't expect results overnight, but Lord.. at least show me some hope. I'm weak, I don't have the strangth to hold on. I'm tired of praying to You, telling myself that You will give me strength even when i don't have it. I'm tired of telling myself that I can make it, tired of telling myself to hold on..
Lord, I'm scared... It's so hard to walk with You..
I'm holding on to You, but...
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Life Strings
Life strings Musical Outreach; I didn't know they existed in Singapore. They had a few CDs already and have been around for like a good 20 years or so? Boy, that was long, longer than Stream of Praise. Listening to their latest CD, and.. *Ahem* all hokkien song. Guess what, one of the song that the children sang for Teachers' Day was actually from that CD! The rest of us were like joking how "china" it was. Xian Jin Lao Shi wanted me to get to know about them, learn from them and maybe get some experience before I start off my own team.
Picking up guitar again and there's free lesson starting from next saturday. I guess I could compose more songs when I brushed up my guitar skills! For the first time I played my piece on the keyboard today, hah.. quite happy with it; there's still room for improvements!
Darn, I don't know if I'm working tomorrow and that means; I can't plan my week ahead. This sucks, why can't she plan the schduel properly and not keep all in her mind?!
Alright, now I've got guitar lessons on my list for my holiday's activities. Next week leading praise and worship on Sunday, mooncake festival on Saturday. Talking about mooncake festival, Dad and Mom will be coming. I was surprise when Dad agreed to come! I asked hom for around 3 times, before he finally agreed to come! It was amazing! Dad would never be free on Saturdays as he has his own programes. Mom is alright with going to church, but it's always Dad. The good Lord is opening up the way for me!
Experience with God has always been wonderful. Boy, I could feel God's presence right now! People might often wonder why do I always tear while reading the Bible, listening to songs or when sharing my testimony. Why? Because God's love is so wonderful and great; it never fails to touch my heart, again and again. I never grew tired with God, there's always something new to experience and to learn with God.
Listening to JY sharing during lunch today, boy.. I can sense a lot of hatred in him against his father. I believe one day it will be released, just like my hatred against my parents. Boy, how I used to hate my parents to the core and wished that they were dead or better still, I don't have to acknowledge them. So much hurt and scars instill inside me.. but it's all the past. Though my hatred against them is not totally released, but the Good Lord will guide me. JY's case may not be as worse as mine; but I'm sure there's worser ones than mine. I'm considered blessed, though I'm deprived of many things as a child, but I'm glad I'm not deprived of God's love. Even before I was formed, God has already made plans for me. God is moulding me :)
Picking up guitar again and there's free lesson starting from next saturday. I guess I could compose more songs when I brushed up my guitar skills! For the first time I played my piece on the keyboard today, hah.. quite happy with it; there's still room for improvements!
Darn, I don't know if I'm working tomorrow and that means; I can't plan my week ahead. This sucks, why can't she plan the schduel properly and not keep all in her mind?!
Alright, now I've got guitar lessons on my list for my holiday's activities. Next week leading praise and worship on Sunday, mooncake festival on Saturday. Talking about mooncake festival, Dad and Mom will be coming. I was surprise when Dad agreed to come! I asked hom for around 3 times, before he finally agreed to come! It was amazing! Dad would never be free on Saturdays as he has his own programes. Mom is alright with going to church, but it's always Dad. The good Lord is opening up the way for me!
Experience with God has always been wonderful. Boy, I could feel God's presence right now! People might often wonder why do I always tear while reading the Bible, listening to songs or when sharing my testimony. Why? Because God's love is so wonderful and great; it never fails to touch my heart, again and again. I never grew tired with God, there's always something new to experience and to learn with God.
Listening to JY sharing during lunch today, boy.. I can sense a lot of hatred in him against his father. I believe one day it will be released, just like my hatred against my parents. Boy, how I used to hate my parents to the core and wished that they were dead or better still, I don't have to acknowledge them. So much hurt and scars instill inside me.. but it's all the past. Though my hatred against them is not totally released, but the Good Lord will guide me. JY's case may not be as worse as mine; but I'm sure there's worser ones than mine. I'm considered blessed, though I'm deprived of many things as a child, but I'm glad I'm not deprived of God's love. Even before I was formed, God has already made plans for me. God is moulding me :)
Entry!
A sudden urge to update before I sleep. Lunch today at Fa Wang Lao Shi's place was good, not only the food but also the sharing session. During the sharing session, I had a few good looks at both the adults there; now, they at least know what we talk about when we gather.
Couldn't find most of the scores of the songs that I'm leading today and I was quite fustrated with that. Mood was somehow spoilt, but manage to carry on. Didn't think I did well for today's leading. I was almost breathless while sharing during the worship; what has gotten into me? I was almost fighting for air and that mike, recorded almost every breath that I took in and out.
I do admit I am high in my expectation when it comes to certain things that I do, one such is leading services. I asked for good musicians, songs that linked and good sharings to share. Too much? I do expect a lot from my musicians, cause I think besides me, they are the cores. Music is needed to bring out the atmosphere. Some may think I asked for too much, but I want to give my best to God.
Boy, I think my dream of leading a big group of people may be coming through at the end of the year. It has always been my dream to be on stage, leading a big group of people in praise and worship and bringing them to God. Though there isn't any stage, but it's still the same. Well, things wasn't even settled now; excited I guess.
I hope this event will turn out as it is expected. Though the fellowship never really did any public event before; we did once but I think we failed. I hope this time it will turn out fine. Seeing how excited Aaron was when he talkes about it, it touched my heart. From there, I can see his passion for God. However, I hope his passion is of the right objective.
Had a late dinner after service at the prata shop. Ain't I glad that we set in the air conditioned room, or else I would be smelling of prata on the way home; just like last time. The rice I ordered wasn't bad, there's my favorite kang kong. Had a chat after dinner and I like this kind of gathering. We talked about church stuff, and not some crapy stuff that I don't see any link in my life or to God.
Good, my hair is dried now and I can go to sleep in peace. Recharging for tomorrow!
Couldn't find most of the scores of the songs that I'm leading today and I was quite fustrated with that. Mood was somehow spoilt, but manage to carry on. Didn't think I did well for today's leading. I was almost breathless while sharing during the worship; what has gotten into me? I was almost fighting for air and that mike, recorded almost every breath that I took in and out.
I do admit I am high in my expectation when it comes to certain things that I do, one such is leading services. I asked for good musicians, songs that linked and good sharings to share. Too much? I do expect a lot from my musicians, cause I think besides me, they are the cores. Music is needed to bring out the atmosphere. Some may think I asked for too much, but I want to give my best to God.
Boy, I think my dream of leading a big group of people may be coming through at the end of the year. It has always been my dream to be on stage, leading a big group of people in praise and worship and bringing them to God. Though there isn't any stage, but it's still the same. Well, things wasn't even settled now; excited I guess.
I hope this event will turn out as it is expected. Though the fellowship never really did any public event before; we did once but I think we failed. I hope this time it will turn out fine. Seeing how excited Aaron was when he talkes about it, it touched my heart. From there, I can see his passion for God. However, I hope his passion is of the right objective.
Had a late dinner after service at the prata shop. Ain't I glad that we set in the air conditioned room, or else I would be smelling of prata on the way home; just like last time. The rice I ordered wasn't bad, there's my favorite kang kong. Had a chat after dinner and I like this kind of gathering. We talked about church stuff, and not some crapy stuff that I don't see any link in my life or to God.
Good, my hair is dried now and I can go to sleep in peace. Recharging for tomorrow!
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Leading for God
My body aches after 11 hours of standing *Awwww* Guess that I'm just not getting use to it. Lunch later at Fa Wang Lao Shi's place and I'm still deciding if I wanna meet up with the rest of the guys or go to his place on my own; since I know where he stays :)
Leading praise and worship today, and boy.. I'm prepared. Actually it was s struggle at first. First thing first, I was going on a replacement for Cheryl and was informed of it last minute. It ruin my mood cause usually I need a few days to prepare. On friday, which was yesterday, I was on full-shift from 9.30a.m to 9.30 p.m. By the time I got home, I was dead beat. I didn't even want to do my quiet time, but I settled down and read the Bible. Listening to Wings of the Dawn while reading and this song just simply touched my heart. After reading the Bible, there's a sudden urge to flipped through the it. So, I flipped through, looking at the markings I made. Then I came across Psalms. I like this book, meaningfull and simple wonderful. I was reading through some of the markings I made and stopped at Psalms 139. I made a marking on two of the verses. I picked up the Chinese Bible and read from it. Boy, it was the song I was listening to! I had actually wanted to search for the verse for the song to share today! God is wonderful.
Didn't really want to lead today, cause the flow of people will be little. But.. I know my purpose of leading, is to bring the people to God and not sing to them. Yes, it's has always been my dream to be on stage, leading a big group of people. Maybe I am starting from small yeah? Everything for God alone.
Got to run, will be late..
Leading praise and worship today, and boy.. I'm prepared. Actually it was s struggle at first. First thing first, I was going on a replacement for Cheryl and was informed of it last minute. It ruin my mood cause usually I need a few days to prepare. On friday, which was yesterday, I was on full-shift from 9.30a.m to 9.30 p.m. By the time I got home, I was dead beat. I didn't even want to do my quiet time, but I settled down and read the Bible. Listening to Wings of the Dawn while reading and this song just simply touched my heart. After reading the Bible, there's a sudden urge to flipped through the it. So, I flipped through, looking at the markings I made. Then I came across Psalms. I like this book, meaningfull and simple wonderful. I was reading through some of the markings I made and stopped at Psalms 139. I made a marking on two of the verses. I picked up the Chinese Bible and read from it. Boy, it was the song I was listening to! I had actually wanted to search for the verse for the song to share today! God is wonderful.
Didn't really want to lead today, cause the flow of people will be little. But.. I know my purpose of leading, is to bring the people to God and not sing to them. Yes, it's has always been my dream to be on stage, leading a big group of people. Maybe I am starting from small yeah? Everything for God alone.
Got to run, will be late..
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Spider Woman
Exams are over and here comes holiday! Boy, did I sleep like I care last night. I slept for 13 hours, not yet my longest record. I had amazing dreams; I dreamt that I was spider man, in that case, spider woman. Come on, I was flying! Haha, had a lot of dreams, but I like the spider woman dream the best! I dreamt that SOP replied my e-mail and they really did! Hallelujah, now God has assured me of the calling. Oh man, I am looking forward to this holiday, it's gonna be exciting! Come on, it's 2a.m and I'm awake? Hmm.. I'm actually having a little headache here.. oh well.. Sleep Grace..Sleep some more
Sunday, September 04, 2005
2 Corinthians 12:9
2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weekness"
I've been holding on to this verse; it has become a source of comfort and strength for me. I'm not strong on the inside, although I am on the outside. But sometimes, the one that appears to be strong on the outside is actually very week on the inside. I'm one of them; I admit that.
Fear drove me to tears just now, fear or what? I can't even answer to that question. I guess I just didn't want to study, didn't want to face the upcoming exams. I wanted to take a nap before I study for the exam tomorrow, but I could sleep. When I was on bed, I was hit by fear. Didn't know why, but tears just came out. I cry out to God that I'm not strong, I don't want to study.. I played the songs in from my CD, and from that.. God comforted me. I thought of the above verse, and yes.. God's power is made perfect in my weekness. It's only through time of pain, sadness, sorrows.. I experience God the most. Through the valley of shawdows, He walked with me. When I couldn't see the way ahead, He held my hands; telling me things will be alright. With God by my side, what's there for me to be afraid of?
Easier said that done; I know. But, blessed are the ones who held on, who fought the fight of faith. Nothing is every easy before it is difficult. If you were to live a life without worries, fears, sorrows, pains.. How then will you learn what life really is? People often prayed for a life without worries, without sorrows, without pain, just live it happily and that's it. Who wouldn't want that? I wanted that kind of life too.. But coming to think about it, will it be meaningfull? Life is going to be so boring, my relationship with God wouldn't be deep also. Through tears, we see the vision of the cross; through pain, we see the grace of God; through sorrows, we learn to run to God; through hurt and loses, we learn to forgive and cherish.
Coming to where I am today, hasn't been easy. Wasn't easy, but I have brave and made it through. Come what may in my life, I will face it with the strength from God and win the race for God. I may have said it many times before, but achieveing it isn't easy. Reading through my past entries, I have seen how I have fallen and got lifted up again. God's grace is sufficient for me.
Looking at how brothers and sisters serve the Lord, it pushed me even more to want to serve God more. Each and everyone has a different destiny, and God is going to use each of us. For the first time in church, I have a passion to want to help out in the children's choir. Naughty, but Jesus loves little children. Have a little more patient and smile more. I agree with what Siang Qing Lao Shi said, to influence someone is not that easy.
EC told me this before. Each time she speaks, she cannot make sure that she can influence or touch the hearts of many; but even if she were to touch one heart, she would have felt she has done something. This reminds me of my last sunday's praise and worship service. I was the worship leader, and I had started preparing for it days ago. From the start, I told myself this worship is going to be for God and it's going to be wonderful. I felt God's presence while preparing for the worship. I read the Bible and God has given me testimony to share that sunday. On that day, Steph came late. I thought she wasn't coming; I got tense up, and started preparing for the worse. I prayed.. Steph came just in the nick of time. My mood for the worship was somehow affected, but I commit all to the Lord. During the worship, it wasn't exactly what I expected. I saw teachers yawning, brothers and sisters talking.. It was discouraging, but I know a few was actually worshipping God. I didn't think I did my best, but still my purpose of leading the worship is to being brothers and sisters to God. At the end of class, Sam came and told me that he was touched by the service and it was one of the best. I was happy. Just like what EC said, even when I can only touch one soul; I felt I have done something, not because I spend days preparing, but because I brough him to God, close to God. I'm looking forward to leading again, bringing them to God.
I hope to spread my zeal, passion for God to others; so that they may experience God like the way I do, or even more. Like what Dia said before, all things take time :)
Had a chat with Sian Qing Lao Shi today, shared with her what I think of the children's choir and the ways it can be improved. Also, I shared with her the calling from God. She offered me some advices and I think it's worth taking. Didn't know there's a team in Singapore like Stream of Praise also. I'll do my best to get their contact and see where I go from there. Haven got a chance to talk to Andgelita, try again next week.
I love spending time with mature people, be it matured christians, or adults. I love to hear of their experiences and advices. Listening to them, you can learn. You'll get to know about their mistakes that they committed and how they over come them. The Good Lord has placed a lot of such people in my life too :)
Alright, I have quite a lot to study for tomorrow. All unto the Lord, whatever grades I get.. It's for God. Amen
I've been holding on to this verse; it has become a source of comfort and strength for me. I'm not strong on the inside, although I am on the outside. But sometimes, the one that appears to be strong on the outside is actually very week on the inside. I'm one of them; I admit that.
Fear drove me to tears just now, fear or what? I can't even answer to that question. I guess I just didn't want to study, didn't want to face the upcoming exams. I wanted to take a nap before I study for the exam tomorrow, but I could sleep. When I was on bed, I was hit by fear. Didn't know why, but tears just came out. I cry out to God that I'm not strong, I don't want to study.. I played the songs in from my CD, and from that.. God comforted me. I thought of the above verse, and yes.. God's power is made perfect in my weekness. It's only through time of pain, sadness, sorrows.. I experience God the most. Through the valley of shawdows, He walked with me. When I couldn't see the way ahead, He held my hands; telling me things will be alright. With God by my side, what's there for me to be afraid of?
Easier said that done; I know. But, blessed are the ones who held on, who fought the fight of faith. Nothing is every easy before it is difficult. If you were to live a life without worries, fears, sorrows, pains.. How then will you learn what life really is? People often prayed for a life without worries, without sorrows, without pain, just live it happily and that's it. Who wouldn't want that? I wanted that kind of life too.. But coming to think about it, will it be meaningfull? Life is going to be so boring, my relationship with God wouldn't be deep also. Through tears, we see the vision of the cross; through pain, we see the grace of God; through sorrows, we learn to run to God; through hurt and loses, we learn to forgive and cherish.
Coming to where I am today, hasn't been easy. Wasn't easy, but I have brave and made it through. Come what may in my life, I will face it with the strength from God and win the race for God. I may have said it many times before, but achieveing it isn't easy. Reading through my past entries, I have seen how I have fallen and got lifted up again. God's grace is sufficient for me.
Looking at how brothers and sisters serve the Lord, it pushed me even more to want to serve God more. Each and everyone has a different destiny, and God is going to use each of us. For the first time in church, I have a passion to want to help out in the children's choir. Naughty, but Jesus loves little children. Have a little more patient and smile more. I agree with what Siang Qing Lao Shi said, to influence someone is not that easy.
EC told me this before. Each time she speaks, she cannot make sure that she can influence or touch the hearts of many; but even if she were to touch one heart, she would have felt she has done something. This reminds me of my last sunday's praise and worship service. I was the worship leader, and I had started preparing for it days ago. From the start, I told myself this worship is going to be for God and it's going to be wonderful. I felt God's presence while preparing for the worship. I read the Bible and God has given me testimony to share that sunday. On that day, Steph came late. I thought she wasn't coming; I got tense up, and started preparing for the worse. I prayed.. Steph came just in the nick of time. My mood for the worship was somehow affected, but I commit all to the Lord. During the worship, it wasn't exactly what I expected. I saw teachers yawning, brothers and sisters talking.. It was discouraging, but I know a few was actually worshipping God. I didn't think I did my best, but still my purpose of leading the worship is to being brothers and sisters to God. At the end of class, Sam came and told me that he was touched by the service and it was one of the best. I was happy. Just like what EC said, even when I can only touch one soul; I felt I have done something, not because I spend days preparing, but because I brough him to God, close to God. I'm looking forward to leading again, bringing them to God.
I hope to spread my zeal, passion for God to others; so that they may experience God like the way I do, or even more. Like what Dia said before, all things take time :)
Had a chat with Sian Qing Lao Shi today, shared with her what I think of the children's choir and the ways it can be improved. Also, I shared with her the calling from God. She offered me some advices and I think it's worth taking. Didn't know there's a team in Singapore like Stream of Praise also. I'll do my best to get their contact and see where I go from there. Haven got a chance to talk to Andgelita, try again next week.
I love spending time with mature people, be it matured christians, or adults. I love to hear of their experiences and advices. Listening to them, you can learn. You'll get to know about their mistakes that they committed and how they over come them. The Good Lord has placed a lot of such people in my life too :)
Alright, I have quite a lot to study for tomorrow. All unto the Lord, whatever grades I get.. It's for God. Amen
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Lazy Saturday
Had a change of blogskin
not a new skin
quite old
but I like it
what else matters?
A lazy saturday. Suppose to go for a meeting in church today, but it was called off last minute, that explains why my saturday is lazy. How am I suppose to live my weekends without church and God? Not only weekends, but everyday!
I once overheard Su Yi telling Winnie that she found another part time job, giving out flyers for a well-known company. Pay wasn't bad, $20 per hour. That was *Wow*, but working days are on weekends and last for only 6 weeks. I was very much tempted to ask her if there's any more place for me, but I didn't. Come on, weekdays I'm already do tied up with school work, my part time job.. I want weekends all for God. No matter how high the pay is, nothing beats coming to God and serving Him yeah? Money? Don't worry, God will provide.
Some people work day and night for the sake of money, while others for their dreams, which somehow boils down to money as well. While a few, A FEW, work for God and their passion. Whatever it is, there's a time for everything. You may have to work 7 days a week, but never fail to make time for God. Seek His kingdom and His righteousness first and all that shall be given unto you.
How many times have you gone to bed in tears? How many times have you cried yourself to sleep? Never? Sure? Ok, maybe you don't cry, what about going to bed with burdens still on you? I have, and I lost count how many times I did that. But each time I wake up, everything will be alright again. The Lord is wonderful :)
I'm glad I'm hearing respond from the calling that the Lord has called me upon. Continue to wait on the Lord, Grace. Keep the fire going..
Exams on monday, and boy... I haven really studied. I never liked studying, never once. Grace, a few more years and it will all be over. Some times I wonder why am I in the course I'm in. Computer studies, come on.. is this really what I want to do? I know when I finish the course, get the diploma, I won't be doing what I have studied for the three years! Giving up on this course have been in my mind, but... I should never, I have come too far to give up. Hang on Grace, you can pull it through.
When will the reply e-mail come?
Building it up for God :)
Friday, September 02, 2005
Loving parents?
Have I ever love my parents? What have I done for them?
Such simple questions, yet I had never ask myself that. Now, I don't even know how to answer. I love God, I love Jesus, I love my friends.. Do I love my parents? I really can't answer this question. Harder than Binomial. Being love is great huh, but loving people is difficult; it applies to family members as well. I can be such a nice person in front of my friends, teachers, adults, strangers; but just not for long in front of my own parents? Wait a minute, are they even my parents? Or was I picked up from somewhere else? I really do hope my parents are some body else; but then.. things would be so different.
Enough.
Learn quite a number of things today. Revised math, learn how to prepare Fish and Chips, do the "inside" cleaning of the cafe. Taa-tah! God is wonderful. Though it's hard work, but I learn something.
Alright, this parent thing is bothering me..
Mom, Dad.. Tell me.. How can I love you all from my heart?
Such simple questions, yet I had never ask myself that. Now, I don't even know how to answer. I love God, I love Jesus, I love my friends.. Do I love my parents? I really can't answer this question. Harder than Binomial. Being love is great huh, but loving people is difficult; it applies to family members as well. I can be such a nice person in front of my friends, teachers, adults, strangers; but just not for long in front of my own parents? Wait a minute, are they even my parents? Or was I picked up from somewhere else? I really do hope my parents are some body else; but then.. things would be so different.
Enough.
Learn quite a number of things today. Revised math, learn how to prepare Fish and Chips, do the "inside" cleaning of the cafe. Taa-tah! God is wonderful. Though it's hard work, but I learn something.
Alright, this parent thing is bothering me..
Mom, Dad.. Tell me.. How can I love you all from my heart?
Binomial Blues
Binomial just isn't my cup of tea, the sight of all the letters, multiplication just turns me off. Boy, so complicated, long working methods and formulas.. *Arggggggg* Finally I sat down at the table and revised my Maths, for like a good 2 hours plus? The last time was on the sofa and that's all for this coming exams. Gosh, exams is like in a few days time and what the heck am I doing? Looks like I'm on for the last minute rush again; oh well, that's me.
Pay day, come on, I need my pay. Today or Monday? And I have to pay Dia back :P
For a while, I've been going "yayayaya" to whatever my grandma is saying. I'm kind of like distracted, so in my mind, I can only say "yayayaya" to her. Hah, I'm concentrating on my forums and other stuff.
Talk about yesterday, I just join another forum! Now I have something to look forward to while I'm on line.
Out of sudden, on the way home.. Listening to the 6th song in the latest CD of Stream Of Praise; I felt that I'm good in nothing. Nothing else that I've done I can be proud of, nothing big have I achieved. I prayed and teared, but I know God heard my payers and healed me.
Oh, will grandma stop talking to me? I'm distracted
Parents, something that I still haven gotten over with. How to love them with ALL my heart? I seriously can't. Honor them? Haiz...
There's a reason why I don't like to go back to my own home and prefer to stay at grandma's place. What do I like about my own house, nothing. I'm sorry to say, I have useless parents. USELESS, good for nothing, maybe something. You're not a good father and you are not a good mother. You failed to show me what love is, you failed to show me what respect, responsibilities are. You failed to show me how to be a good person in life. USELESS
Pay day, come on, I need my pay. Today or Monday? And I have to pay Dia back :P
For a while, I've been going "yayayaya" to whatever my grandma is saying. I'm kind of like distracted, so in my mind, I can only say "yayayaya" to her. Hah, I'm concentrating on my forums and other stuff.
Talk about yesterday, I just join another forum! Now I have something to look forward to while I'm on line.
Out of sudden, on the way home.. Listening to the 6th song in the latest CD of Stream Of Praise; I felt that I'm good in nothing. Nothing else that I've done I can be proud of, nothing big have I achieved. I prayed and teared, but I know God heard my payers and healed me.
Oh, will grandma stop talking to me? I'm distracted
Parents, something that I still haven gotten over with. How to love them with ALL my heart? I seriously can't. Honor them? Haiz...
There's a reason why I don't like to go back to my own home and prefer to stay at grandma's place. What do I like about my own house, nothing. I'm sorry to say, I have useless parents. USELESS, good for nothing, maybe something. You're not a good father and you are not a good mother. You failed to show me what love is, you failed to show me what respect, responsibilities are. You failed to show me how to be a good person in life. USELESS
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Coming to the end of the day, yet another normal but blessed day for me and I think for many others. Give thanks because I'm able to open my eyes and see today; give thanks because I know God still loves me; give thanks because I'm still alive and kicking. Went back to school today, oh boy, the good old memories just came back to me. Sure do miss those good old days in school. The school had a new color codeing, that explains why I feel kind of weird when I stepped into the school. The concert was short and simple, but I guess I enjoyed it. Met Mrs Chan, Mdm Haliza, Ms Rahma and so many others teachers. I'm just glad that I met them and they taught me. Sad to say Mr Chua left school already, I would like to talk to him and thank him. Chee, Mrs Chan was really excited to see me in school. Wanted to have lunch in school, but the canteen was closed. I kinda miss the canteen food, especially the Hor Fun! I had that for lunch almost every day back then. Good to have met some old class mates and friends still in the school. Visited Ms Ong in the evening as well, first time in this year I guess. In all my life, I considered myself haven really done anything bombastic. Each time I wanted to, either I turn it into a learning experience, or simply didn't carry it out. Well, that was the past. For now, since the new chapter had began, I have matured to a higher level! Not gonna make the same old mistakes and make a fool out of myself. Be focus and set sight. You'll own a company and live your dreams in no time. Yeah, Amen! How CA huh? Did the wind hit CA? I hope not. Gosh, gotta pray for SOP. I'm changing my guitar strings and picking them up again. I can't be possible to compose a lot of songs without an instrument with me. I'll forget the tune and the tune will get out! Gosh, I really have no idea how to compose tunes and write lyrics.. Never mind, God lead my way. I'm picking up my Chinese again, learning how to express myself better in Chinese. I really take my hat off for Stream Of Praise. They have been living in CA for a decade and yet their Chinese is still as "powerful" and ever! Shame on Singaporeans who recieve Chinese education and yet can't speak Chinese. Where's your mother toungue, especially the Chinese!
I'm going to bed soon and gosh I have a sofe spot for sleeping! Got to change this bad habit and enjoy morning.
It was suppose to be a longer post, but I lost it.. Darn..
I'm going to bed soon and gosh I have a sofe spot for sleeping! Got to change this bad habit and enjoy morning.
It was suppose to be a longer post, but I lost it.. Darn..
