The Grace in Grace

Months have pass, not a singel contact with you. Every now and then when I pass by your house, it doesn't hurt anymore. Still, when I look over to your place, I still carry a hope to see you standing there; but it never happen. Sometimes, and I really mean sometimes I still think about you; but it doesn't hurt like it used to. Perhaps I have accepted you as a friend. Starge isn't it? It just a few hundred meters away, but we never met.

After so long, you are still someone I'll never forget. Don't get me wrong, it's all over. Sooner than I thought; because you never gave me hope. I hope you are doing well.

How bad can it get for me to fall sick on the first day of Chinese New Year? Missed out all the goodies and fun.

Some people are just so senseless to play a joke on somebody. Childish behaviour.

I believe there's some untold stories behind each of us, some feelings not shared and certain things that others cannot understand. Behind each smiling faces, there's the tears that we can't see. Most of the time we can and would only see the successfull and happy side; the stuggles and tears are all back stage.

I didn't come a good way in my life; but I believe that I'm not alone. Well, JY; at least you can be sure that your parents are your parents. I'm not really sure of who I am; but one thing I know, I'm God's child. That's more than enough. I won't be too shock if what I guess came through :) I think if it happen, it's part of God's plan.

"Who is more important, the one who raise you up or the one who gave birth to you?"--- My respond was, the one who raise me up. I don't know why you asked me this; but I can see the worry in you. Once I told myself and I told God; I will not dump you guys. Even if I have to somewhere else, not living with you; I will still do my best to care for you. What you did to me in the past have left scars, it won't go away; but it trained me up. I would like to hear the truth from you some day; or maybe it's better that I don't know anything :)

JY: I believe every parent have feelings and love for their child. Maybe they didn't know how to express themselves; or expressed it wrongly. There's an age gap between our parents and us; it's already hard on them to accept who we are. Not saying that all parents are good; I know there's some that isn't fit to be parents; but everything is in God's plan. Doesn't matter if others don't understand you; what matters most is God's love endures forever. Your parents will leave, your loved one, your favorite band will fade; but God will always be there. To be anoited by God, you have to release the anger in you. Like me, I used to dislike my parents for what they have done to me, for leaving behind scars and not being able to provide me with what others can. But then, I look back and am glad that I went through that path. God's path for each of us may be hard to walk, but the end result is always sweet victory. Release yourself from those chains bonded to you; then you will experience breakthroughs and God in a whole new way. I thought I couldn't do anything when I was younger; but as I grow, God showed me what I can do and will do for Him bit by bit. Pray for your parents, pray for yourself. Clense yourself, make yourself pure when you come to God.

Chinese New Year Eve; dinner. Relatives are gathered at Grandma's place; but I don't really like this kind of feeling. Perhaps I'm used to small gatherings? Or maybe I'm just not close to them... Haa.. Chinese New Year, it's all about eating, drinking and visiting. Not forgetting the red packets!

Dinner is starting soon...

Sunday tomorrow, and it's the first day of New Year! Wow, 2006 is different yeah? First day of the year falls on Sunday, so is last day of the year! Chinese New Year's first day falls on the first day too!! Haa, so many head start on God's day

I thought I will never be able to enjoy this year's new year; but God proved not! After a few days of struggles and tears; the sun is out. I have decided, since I don't understand OOPG right from the start; I will be brave enough to re-take if I need to. Don't wanna pass OOPG by copying the work of others; that's not the behaviour of God's child! Somehow, I don't think I can masked it off this time if I didn't declare that I copy; God promted me!

Never really encounter failure before; guess I was afraid of failing! But I remembered what EC told me, "One never fails, you fail when you give up." Made sense to me, as long as you don't give up; no one can force you to quit! Life is funny; a moment you're up and the next you might be in the deepest pit. But like what Cindy mentioned in the forum; God will walk me through. Thanks guys from the BBS for praying and the encouragements; it kept me going! Lord will never go through those tough moments alone; He always send his angels.

Chinese New Year Eve dinner tomorrow, somehow I'm not that excited about it. Partly because I was all busy with school work and the part time job. Winnie says she will give me a big red packet in return for all my hard work; she better do! Imagine I have to manage and juggle between work, quizes and projects; all at the same time! Though it was difficult, I complained, I cried, I struggled; but all ended well.

Chinese New Year, haven really plan what I want to do! Visiting? Where to go? Mrs Chan, I haven call her yet! Hmm, what about friends side? I'm just too busy to even keep in contact with them... Ooooo, Chinese New Year is so different this year.

Friends, if you need me to visit you to collect red packets from your parents; give me a ring!

Last day of work before the holidays starts!! I'm gonna be late in class, the lecturer wants to go through everyone's website before letting us go. Glad that he like mine; my hard work not in vain. I was praying to God to let me have creativity to create the website. I'm happy with my webpage too!

Happy New Year to all. Xing Nian Mong En!

To those who thinks that I'm a free-loader not doing anything:

I may seem aloof this time, not caring enough, not doing my part. I apologise for that. She slept at 3.30a.m, I slept at 5a.m doing all the projects that were meant to be shared by four. Not that I wanna compare who slept the lease; but please understand. I would like, or should I say, LOVE to go home after school, stay in school to do project after lessons; but I can't? How I would love to spend time with my friends before we split, but time don't allow?

Don't see the surface and judge, it's so unfair. I wish I had friends like she had, release her emotions and display her affection like she do; but I don't have that talent. I buried, I kept, I cried; to myself. "Free-loaders"; it hurts. Everyday I go to school, I don't know how to face those people around me; I'm an outcast. I know they are angry, unhappy with me. I'm breaking down inside me. People don't seem to care, they don't seem to know.

You don't know how it feels to be lifted up and beaten down. I thought to myself, it will be over soon.. But Lord, how soon is soon?

I don't want to be a free loader, I needed help.. But who will? I don't wanna disturb anyone, exams are drawing near. I dislike the Grace now, who are you? I want the real Grace back, not a free loader.

Lord, hold on to me
I'm losing my grip
I'm losing my sight
Lord, hold on to me
I'm losing my strength
I'm lost without you

Hold on to me
Tell me that I'm yours
Wisper in my ears
That everything will be fine
Wipe those tears from my eyes
Take away the fears
Let me be strong
Let me move on
Allow me to win the race for You




Lord, I'm weak and I'm on the verge on losing my grip. Things are so hard to move on now; there's still chance but it's so difficult. Behind those smiles on my face, Lord you sees the tears that's hidden within. Lord, I don't have to put on a mask in front of you; because you understand. As the tears drop, you catch them on by one; you cleared my vision. You know that I'm lost, my batteries are low; Lord, recharge me, empower me. No body know how weak I am, better than you. No body has the power to change me to what I was meant to be. Lord, it's not the end yet; don't allow me to give up.

4 test, 3 projects and 5 exam papers to take. My work is driving me to the back alley; closing the shop alone just don't feel good. Packing and clearing up is no fun. Thank God that the manager cared; I know that she's tired herself; we are both. Lord, of what I'm going through; if it's in your will may you lighten it? Clueless about projects and subjects. Just a few more weeks, a few more weeks...

Alright, let me motivate myself of what will happen in the holidays. Designing BBS shirt for SOP, planing for Church's easter, church outing during March and my long awaited out-of-Singapore tour...

Hold on to me..

Was just looking through some of my past post; I came a long way. So long, that I once thought I will never make it. You might wanna read back what I had post before; but as I read them it brings tears in my eyes. Moments I felt lost, hurt, wounded, happy, sad.. all in a year. The day I knew I had diabetes, the day I had my first insulin injection; all recorded. Amazed by the courage I had then; Grace, you've been strong.

Many pity me for what I'm going through or what I have gone true. Friends, don't need to pity me, learn with me the values and meaning of life. Most of all, experience God and life with me; allow me to bring you through my journey, so that you may see God's grace. Tears I cried, enough to fill a bathtub, I think. Broken dreams, broken life; but God heal them all. Released from my past, from my sin, from that someone that wasn't me; Lord is just wonderful. I may not be running as fast as some others, have the money like some others, the looks, the figure, the life, the special someone; I have God.

Fellowship talk about who we are today. A pretty common topic, and a lot of 'model' answers. But once again, I ask myself; who am I? I'm God's child, you may say. Ask youself again; do you really believe that? One question asked, " If you were to leave today; are you confident that you'll go to heaven?" I left that question out; I had no faith in answering that. Haven been really reading the Bible and I felt bad. Time and time again I come to God asking for His wisdom and knowledge to guide me and discipline me; but it seems like I'm always breaking those promises I made to God. Many times I wanted to start on the Bible reading program, but each night I will be too lazy or tired to do so. Lord, tell me what to do.

5 exams to take, 3 more projects to hand in and 4 quizes this week. My work partner is leaving this Friday, leaving me all alone. My manager wants me to work this whole week; and I can't turn down. Lord, I need strength; really. I'm not even sure I can carry through all this; I don't want to fail my assignments; most importantly my finals. It's always easy to say, "Do not be afraid of failures." But doing it is tough; I've never really failed before; can I take it? I used to be the best in class, first few position for almost every test; but things changes in poly. Where's my zeal to study? I want to quit working, but the work won't let me go and I myself can't bear to leave as well. I have spend so much effort, gone through so much. Why do I have to go when things are all on track, when I had rise up to where I am now? It's like I have just built a sand castle; now I have to destroy it with my own hands. Life is so, work so hard to achieve somethings; the next moment you might have to destroy it with your own hands.

I felt that class relationship isn't going on well too. Somehow I felt a little left out; not connected any more. Not enjoying myself as I used to be; I'm like an outcase to the various groups. Seeing the strong bond they have; I wish I was in the group too, but I couldn't fit in. Contented now that I have a few good friends that I can talk with. Thanks for being there; you know who you are! Fara, thanks for always calling and talking to me when the others are not. You make me feel my own presence. Thanks Shirly for her SMSes, encouraging me to move on. Will good friendship last? Seriously, I never had any best friends in my life; for a moment, yes. Either we lost contact; or seldom talk nowadays. When you climb higher, it's harder to breath; no one wants to climb with you. And those of the same level is like; age-gap. And I wonder who reads the entry.. When I see the tag in others blog; I wish mine could be flooded too, haa..

I need lots of prayers :) Lord, guide me through like how You used to; I know you will. Behind those expressionless face of mine; is those feelings and thoughts you can't get through. Don't judge me as aloof, it's unfair; it's just that I don't show it. I don't want to pretend that I'm happy and acted like I'm happy when I'm not. I don't have to jump around, shouting on top of my lungs when I'm happy; that's not me. Don't ask me to be what I'm not; it's so fake. If you expect me to be someone else to fit into you; maybe you might want to re-consider me as your friend. I don't know how to express myself; I'm still learning.

Once again, the prayer meeting started. Third time that a youth prayer meeting start, and I sure do hope this one will last. 8 were suppose to turn up, but only 4 bothered to come. Must salute Sam, after a long tiring day; still hold the prayer meeting. Some didn't come, and I wonder why. Remember the last time I mention about prayer meeting? Just as what I have expected; and the best thing it lasted only one session. Worse than the first prayer meeting held two years ago. What's wrong? Even for this Saturday's prayer meet, people can't make it! Understood that some will be flying to aboard, have a promised gathering in the evening; but the rest? 1p.m; too much to ask for from a saturday? I don't know, some will think they have better things to do; or coudn't be bothered. Spiritual growth as a whole, seems hard to achieve if this kind of behaviour carried on.

Sometimes it's hard to choose, between the world and God. When we so much wanted to go out and shop for New Year, we have a fellowship togo to. Which place would you choose to go? When you have a gathering with your friends, and a church service togo to, which will you attend? Depends, I know; but weight the importance. Talk about bringing people to church, so what if people come? Will things change? Will our attitude change? Who actually bothers talking to the new friends; can count with toes! Why, in front of that person one can treat him/her like the best buddy; but on the other hand had so much negative comments on him/her? So, this is what God taught us, to love one another; in this manner? I'm not cut for arguing, there's always excues to back those questions ask; tired of hearing useless explanation and promises that was broken time and again. Lord, I'll do and give my best to you.

Seriously, if I am able to leave this country now; I would pack my bag and fly right away. Good country, good security, everyone is well taken care of; that's just the good piece of cake you see. Talk about the stress involve, the judging, the comparing; it just puts one off and makes me feels disgusted about the good image one nation holds. Today, I understand why some student(s) chose to end their short-lived life. 4 project, 1 lab test and 5 examination coming my way. Not to much actually; I know some has more. Yeah yeah yeah, all this is to train us to be the best in the world, and won't get looked down. But in the end, we are lifeless zombies listening to big shots instructions! If you were not told what to do next, will you know what to do? I wonder, if this country really got bombed, can we react to what was expected? I hear songs singing of wonderfull morning, with the sun shinning and the birds chipping. But heck, when I step out of the house, the noisy roads greeted me, air filled with don't know what gas was the present I got, crows flying in the sky! And those advertisement that made this country look so nice, haa.. tell me where you got the shots from; I wanna see.

Didn't want to skip lecture today, but still did so :P During C Maths, some morons just couldn't stop talking. If you are not interested, kindly make your way out of the lecture hall and make space for others. If not, don't stay in the room, and waste oxygen! Don't deprive others who are trying to learn. Talk, you can; but keep your volumn down and please, don't talk like you have never talk in your whole life. Sorry to use the word "morons", but it's the best that I could think off.

Gotta start on my website, lots of studying to do and yes, plan my day well. Off for the next two days, better make full use. If this post offended anyone reading, go get a class of ice water to cool down, grap a tissue to wipe away your tears, or simply you need to think harder. But once again, I DIDN'T mention names, don't asumme that it's YOU I'm talking about, if you think so; ask yourself, am I the one that fixed in to what she say?

Some people can just simply walk away in the middle of a gathering; for the sake of sending someone home. For all I know, Singapore is safe enough for one to go home by his/her own. If that person can make his/her way here; I'm sure going back to where you came from isn't that tough.

Church BBQ yesterday; fun in the end. Was so pissed off in the start! I was reaching Parkway at 11.30a.m when Sam called and say that there's a change of plans; BBQ will be in Church instead of East Coast! Wasted trip to Parkway and have to go all the way back to Hougang Mall. I'm guilty of blaming God for that kind of weather, but in the end everything turn out fine. Few unhappy moments, but that's part of it. Had a talk with Sam after the whole thing end; after that talk I sort of have finalise my decision to wanna join the discipleship course. Tough, but like what Shirly said; it's a chance not to be missed! Furthermore, it will help me in my spiritual growth and may be help others in the end! Remember my dream of all time? To become a missionary; that will come in handy. Glad that Chi Lian Lao Shi have high hopes on me :)

May be part of the human thinking; I'm still growing yeah. But I think that some people just aren't suppose to be in some committee; and I have no idea why they are in it. Yes, they do have potential; but potential is one thing.. What about the ability to influence or maybe make a difference? With with those kiddy behaviours and comments when they are suppose to show others that they are the leaders, leading them? So, the counter effect; the kids learn from the kids? The blind leading the blind? It always happens. Not to pin point at anyone, but some people got into "ranks" because of personal relationships; in my opinion. For example, if you're some company's director's son's best friend, getting a job in the company MIGHT not be a problem. That person might not even have to go through those interviews! A little bit unfair to those outside the circle? I don't know what about you; but sometimes I think it is. Well, just a thought here; so don't think too much, don't come asking me if I'm talking about you or whoever. Just a thought, I repeat.

And the week goes by, it's coming to an end again..

This was my testimony that I shared on the 1st of January. For those who can't hear me because of the sound system; here's a copy for you! It will be better with "祷告" playing at the back.. Haa..

祷告
Kelvin Cheng 2005赞美之泉版权所有

祷告 因为我渺小
祷告 因为我知道我需要
明了 祢心意对我重要
祷告 已假装不了
祷告 因为祢的爱我需要
祢关怀 我走过的祢都明白

有些事我只想要对祢说
因祢比任何人都爱我
痛苦从眼中流下
我知道祢为我擦

在早晨我也要来对祢说
主耶稣今天我为祢活
所需要的力量祢天天赐我
祢恩典够我用

记得第一次读<祷告>的歌词时，我感动得流泪。泪水不停的流，这首歌似乎是为我写的。我很渺小，有些事我也真的只想要对上帝说。这首歌回应了我一年来的心声，希望你也会被它打动。2005年走来虽然不平坦，但从这不平凡的路程中我却深深的看见和感受到神的带领和他永不窒息的爱。

4月份，我去做 polytechnic admission 检查时，医生发现我的尿里有糖份，初步怀疑我有糖尿病。因为当时血液里的糖份指数高达200多点，医生必须让我到医院作更详细的检查。当我知道这消息时，我心里非常害怕；也不知道要如何跟家人说。我第一个开口的是我奶奶，张英娘姐妹。因为当时已经心烦意乱，不想在听到他人多问；庆辛奶奶只安慰和叫我不要害怕。那晚当我把消息告诉妈妈时，她哭了。我以为那连我名字都记错的妈妈只会怪我没照顾健康，但看到她落泪，叫我更加难过。当晚我向神祷告。我说如果可以我希望能不要患上糖尿病。但如果是祢的指意，我是否能不要打针？

去医院做检查时，医生惊讶我只有17岁。检查结果证实我患上了糖尿病。因为血液里糖份指数在危险水平，而我年纪轻；医生必须让我打针。当我听到要打针时，再怎么坚强的我，忍不住在护士面见落泪。护士以为我是害怕打针的疼痛；然而我心里怕的不是这点；而是我想到了我的将来。有一次我跟妈妈发生争执，在她愤怒中她说：“你现在跟一个废人没什么两样！”当我听到这句话时，我心被打碎了。顿时间，我所有的梦想和对未来的指望都很模糊。一心想做的一切，都不知道能否去实现。每天打针打在肚子上，一天打两次。有时打到错的位置时会痛得想呕吐。当我看着自己的肚子，打针留下的疤恒，我跟上帝说：“主啊，我不知道要打那里了。每个地方我打下去都很痛。”

当我患有糖尿病的同时我也面临了经济上的问题。读poly需要用上很多钱而爸爸的CPF不能用，家里负担不起这个费用。因为这件事，妈妈三番四次想叫我停学到外头工作。同时因为爸爸没工作只有妈妈作，他们在年头时就停止给我零用钱。因为当时我有作假期工，身上还有一点钱够自己用。但当我停止假期工读书时，身上的积蓄慢慢减少，只到一天发现身上一点钱都没有。因为不想增加父母的负担，我不感跟他们要钱。

当这么多问题向我扑过来时，我感到很沮丧。我难过好久，留了不少眼泪。因为就在当下我真的觉得生命无望，还要承受来自家人无情的打击和许多的不谅解，我觉得已经走到尽头。孤单软弱和无助是那时心理很深很深的体会。在许多晚上我带着泪入眠。我向上帝呼求，我问上帝：“主啊，祢是否忘了我只有17岁？为什么祢就不能让我作一个正常的少年？我很累，真的很累。我真的不知道前面的路要怎么走。主啊，救祢告诉我一切都会过去。牵着我的手，千万不要离开我！没有祢我会垮下去，我看不到前面的路。”

但是我相信神对我的信实和爱，我不选择放弃。主领听了我的祷告。在学业上，奶奶，阿姨和叔叔们帮助我还每个学期的费用--让我有机会继续升学。主也通过莞怡姐妹帮助我找到了一份临时工。同时我的三叔每个月给我50元来补贴零用钱。我的糖尿病也慢慢的减退。有一次我将身上的10元献给上帝，虽然那10元是我下星期所有的零用钱--但上帝给了我一个感动让我把10元献给他。过后一个星期我去复诊，医生说我不用打针，能传转去吃药。听到这个消息，我万分高兴！

到现在我还在吃药，下课后去作工。虽然有点累和辛苦，但神一直看顾。
一年里经历了神无数的大爱和看顾。看见神行奇妙事，我的生命也一直在成长改变。看见神的带领，我真的只能感谢再感谢。未来的路我不知道会怎么走或会遇见什么事，但是我真的相信神他会给我一个梦，一个为他国度努力的梦。一年里我学到了我们的生命若没有被深深破碎我们永远不能体会布道，神对我们的信实和爱，更不能真正面对自己，真正对付罪，真正面对神。这一年来，神为我包扎伤口，扶持了我的脆弱。当我遇挫折我不退缩，因为有神每一天陪我走；是神让我决定我一生为他活。主的恩典够用，他依然与我同行。主说过：“我的恩典是够你用得。因为我的能力，是在人的软弱上显得完全。”我一只相信我能活着并不是偶然，所经历的是上帝的安排。以后我相信我会成为上帝的器皿，为他成就美好的事，作一名好的见证人和守望者。


复兴圣洁
Sandy Yu, Grace Tseng
2002赞美之泉版权所有

主 求祢复兴我
心中的圣洁
为我造清洁的心
使我重新有正直的灵

主 求祢复兴我
心中的圣洁
将我分别为圣
作祢尊贵荣耀器皿

我将身体献上当作活祭
一生作祢圣洁的器皿
我将生命献上为祢而活
为祢呼吸

我将身体献上当作活祭
一生作祢圣洁的器皿
一生传扬基督的圣名


<<复兴圣洁>>就好像是我对上帝的回应，祷告和约言。我愿意将身体献上当作活祭；一生作他圣洁的器皿；一生传扬基督的圣名。原荣耀归于上帝。

Bearly pass 10 days into the new year and God has showed me His grace time and again. First, the testimony that I shared touched many on the first day; and brothers and sisters showered me with encouragements after so. Glad to know that the church still do care. Church is offering me help and I have decided to take it up. I was pondering over it at first; accepting church's help means I have another responsibilty on me. I accepted it in the end :) The talk with Pastor Tony was great, he has further encouraged me to do devotion and know God even deeper. Chi Lian Lao Shi has approached me to join her discipleship class and she wants me to pray about it. 9 months of "training"; not too short and not that long. I'm sure a lot of discipline is needed. Great, I know God has heard my prayers and yes; this year He's gonna let me experience Him like never before. Not only am I going to pray harder; I'm going to take actions also. Dreams will always be dreams unless actions are taken.

Another area I see God's grace is on the fellowship. There's a last minute BBQ on tuesday and a first I thought it would be pretty hard to get new friends to come. But, the Lord is good; 43 and counting people will be coming. Pray for the weather and safety of all of us.

Thinking of quitting my job; but on the other hand I had develope feelings for the place and people there. Still can remember the times I shed tears and night prayers for the manager that I thought I wouldn't love. I would love to carry on working, but primary purpose of my life now is on my studies! God has given me a chance to further my studies and this might be my last stage; ought to give my best. But... pocket money wise; if I continue working I will have more than enough and able to save for rainy days.. on the other hand; my school work.. There's additional tuition on sundays; but that allows me to earn less than $30 per month! O God, teach me what to do. I don't want to sacrificed my time with you and with the people around me. Each time after work; I will be too tired for quiet time; even prayers..Lord, open up the way for me.

The cycles comes again; projects, assignments and examinations coming my way. However, after last term's lesson I find myself getting more organised and focused. Lord, guide me with your wisdom. I don't just wanna do the things I want to do, I want to do the things You want me to do.

I remembered my goals and missions in life and that will always be the primary factor in my whole entire life.

Let me update on what's going on too. Proud to be part of the Will@TP marathon event. The last time I met Dr Willian Tan personally was 3 years ago and 3 years later; he's still going on strong. Saw him face to face again after his 24 hour marathon; he's sun burned. The weather was bad; rain and shine.. poor Dr Tan. Eden resources called me too; regarding to the invitation I send to SOP. Was sad and happy when they called. I was in tears when they told me that SOP couldn't accept my invitation; but at the same time happy cause their event this year is bigger. Not to forget the workshop that I missed last year is coming back! It's humble of SOP to make such arrangement of having ER to call me; thanks David! Im sure a chance will come where I'm able to meet up and them and share; God will lead me. Also wanna gave thanks for having Shirly too; been a part of my everyday life; constandly encouraging and keeping me company through SMS.

Got to go; lesson is over and work is waiting.

2006 Goals and Missions

Relation with God:
-Understand God's word deeper and apply them in my daily life
-Experience God like never before
-Create breakthroughs in my walk with Him and in life
-Understand more of God’s will in my path this year and years to come
-Love God deeper

With Church:
-Serve Church selflessly
-Giving my best to the Church
-Give God what belongs to His house and to Him
-Build and enjoy a closer relationship with fellow Church mates
-Grow together mentally and spiritually with Church and Church mates
-Use the gifts and talents the Lord has given me
-Serve well in Youth Fellowship committee
-Continue to improve in leading Praise and Worship
-Pass down Praise and Worship skills to fellow Church mates
-Play the guitar well
-Have better vocals

With Family:
-Create and build a better relationship with family members
-Constant prayers for them
-Spend quality time together
-Have a deeper sense of understanding among each other

Academic
-Do well in school, giving my best in all subjects
-Ace in both academic results and CCAs
-Enjoy better and build better relationship with school mates

Health
-Maintain the temper of God
-Keep the temper clean and healthy
-Diabetes to cut down and gone eventually
-Be a even more presentable temper for God

With Myself:
-Become a better servant leader
-Learn new skills
-Achieve dreams and dare to dream big for God
-Speak out, less shy
-Improve on speaking and communicating skills
-New image for God
-Learn to save more money
-Bank to have $1000 savings
-Touch lives, motivate hearts

I guess, certain comments still do hurt even when you have heard it many times; especially when it came from people you have place your high hopes on. Maybe they didn't know, or maybe they don't want to know--but profound words left scars; and scars remains. Not that I'm keeping those scars fresh or will be remembering it; but it's disspointment that drives me to tears. Compared with sadness, I think dissapointment hurts just as much. A year has passed, what have the youths gather? Tears flowed for them, prayers said for them, revival asked-- How far more can I go? How long can it last from me? In times, it's just tiring to carry on. Many times I had wanted to give up, but Lord just won't let me. Is it that hard to ask for what I have asked?

Cycling in the rain makes me think about it. Strange but true, the Lord has once again guided me. On the way to the park, Lord reminded me that hopes on humans can't last, so don't pin all of them on people. I was thinking of heading to Fishermen village, but somehow took a longer way that expected. The paths were all dark and most of the time I'm alone. Scared, but I know Lord is protecting me from all harm. I went round and round at the same place, before finally figuring out the right way to where I'm heading. Before I could even reach the destination, the rain came. I turn back and cycled on. Cold, lonely-- I asked God, "What's all this about? You know that I'm feeling awful. Why send the rain?"

However, God is good. As I head back, I reach where I came from shorter than I expected. I thought I have taken the wrong way and stop to check. After much thinking, I finally understood what God wanna tell me.The road to achieve what I hope to acheive might be long and maybe in times, taken the wrong path and wasted time. The rain represented the sorrows in between. God sometimes send us trials, so that we can experience Him and when we overcome them; we are made into a better person.As long as I hold on to Him, I will reach where I want to go. Though there may be pain and sorrows; but Lord will guide you till you reach your point. Cycling in the rain; a whole new kind of experience for me. God send the rain, but at the same time; He send his comfort and healed my wounds. Though it's cold, but God's love is enough to keep me warm.

A new year has began; brand new start. Forget what's behind me and time to move on. I trust that the Lord will guide me though this year and many more years to come. Storms can come crashing into me, stones on my path can cut my feet; but Lord I pray that my faith in you will not be shaken, but instead to be even firmer. Many things I wanna do and acheive; Lord, let it be in your will and not mine.

I wanna grow to love God more, I can't never stop loving Him and understand Him more. Teach me through Your words, talk to me personally and show me the way you want me to take. Lord, my way may be tougher, longer and harder than many others; but Your grace is ever sufficient for me. When You have taken away something from me, You replaced them with Yourself, more than what I could ask for. Give me a humble heart, to serve You more than what You have ask from me. Let me do what You want me to do and not only me doing what I want to do. Lord, the chance to live isn't from me; but from you. Use me, I'm here.

As the stories unfold, friends; once again you will experience life with me :)

Seriously; this can be considered the first time in life I celebrated New Year. Apart from this, I discovered I'm not a good drinker. A bottle of Heineken and a glass of red wine was enough to make me feel "light". Celebration with Farabi, Eze, Violet, Terry, Jasper and Kok An made New Year interesting. Meet at 8 plus at Orchard MRT, had dinner, took pictures and TCC for coffee and chats. The walk down Orchard was horrible but at the same time fun :)

People "crashing" into people and for a moment; I thought I'm in Little India. Those guys are *tsk*tsk*, trying to take advantage of girls. Lucky enough we have the few body guards with us; surrounding us, allowing no "aliens" to touch us. Bad enough, I was "molested" by some aliens; so do the guys! Snow sprays in our hands, counting down outside don't-know-where (come on, it's way too crowded and the place is full of dark people), spraying at whoever is there, laughting and enjoying ourselves with fake snow all over the sky. This is New Year in Orchard Road, we don't care who we sprayed the snow at; you sprayed me, I spray you back, Haa! Not to forget, pictures taking and melting those stress blocks away. The walk to Heeren was like fighting a war; close body contacts, have to be on guards for sprays that come on top of you or right into your face! By the time we reach a safe place, we could have taken a bath with all the sweat and soap from the spraying.

Pop down to a near by pub at Heeren, called the Balcony. Got free drinks and that's when I found out I can't really drink. If I were to stay and finish those red wines, boy.. I'll gonna hang over. Dancing and merrying, Farabi was way high; shaking his bon bon! The whole group of us just stood up and dance! *Shake*Shake* Others were looking at us, "How come we can affort those drinks?" Haa, *shhhh*. Not a bad pub, not too many people and not too messy; just right.

Took a cab home, brushed up on Sunday's testimony, print and woah lah!-- Typing out what happened. Good new year start out, party on!

Happy New Year people!