The Grace in Grace

Lessons ended at 7p.m but I'm still sitting in the school library thinking if I should go home or just borrow a book. Well, guess I'm still not use to going back early to my parents' place. It's funny.

I was suppose to get my blood test result today but the clinic didn't call. I was waiting the whole day for the news! I asked Dad what his' and Mom's blood type and he hestitanted to tell me. I kept asking and eventually he told me it wa A+, both of them. But if I didn't remember wrongly, Mom should be an O type. Oh well...

I always finds it hard to arrange for a common time for Priase and Worship practice when it comes to my turn. I just wonder, do the rest of the worship leaders get the same problems too or is it just me? So many times I get upset with this issue; cause I have to keep changing my time and maybe even cause others to be irritated too.

Recently I did some thinking about my church, not a lot; just a tiny little. About the churchies and what happened over the years. Si Yun commented to me on my church and what she thought about some of us; which I think I somehow agreed to. Well, like what PS said to me, " We serve God, not people."

A lot of times it's easier to say then to do. Often we tell those without faith to have faith. Those who need advices to pray and those who are sad to cheer up. How many times do those words really help? When you're lacking in faith, do you really need someone to tell you to have faith when you know you should? When you need advices, do you really need someone to tell you, "Pray to God and seek His way."?

I guess what I need when I approach people with problems is to give me your ideas and your advice. They can leave the model answers at the back for signing off. By the way, do we take time to listen nowadays or simply brushed them off with, "Orh, I'll pray for you." And by saying that do we really pray?

I am a dreamer, so many dreams I have in my lfie. But I wonder how many friends and family members knew about it. Maybe it was me who didn't share.
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Last sunday's youth service topic was about our past and how it affects us. I thought about my past, how dark and unhappy it was. But then I realise it was the past! If I kept thinking that as dark and gloomy; it will forever be. Yes, had to admit that my childhood wasn't really that great compared to others; but God replaces what I didn't have with something else.

I'm an introvert, yes I am. People just find me quiet and kept to myself. I don't know how close friends find me, but that's what people often say. I guess it is related to my past. I appear confidence, but inside me I'm quite fragil. I'm afraid of being commented on. And when I got commented on, I want it to be good. I dislike people talking about me behind their back if it's bad. I am sensative to advices given to me. I care about what people think about me. I care about what others are going to say about me. I want attention and feel important. I want rank, recognision and people to trust me. I want to be out-going but I'm afriad to. I want to care, but I'm afraid to. I want to share my problems but I'm afraid to. I want to talk, but I'm afriad to.

Over the years, I have been trying to over come this. First is the ego issue which I'm still working on. Well.. I read it somewhere.. the author wrote. "Lord, I commit all my thoughts, good and bad unto you."

Give me time people, to be the real me. Give me time to walk out of my past. I don't want my past to haunt me, but using it as a testimony to help others.
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So many trips going on in the month of March and April. So far, if every thing goes right I will be going to Shanghai for my Global Citizen. So if you need anything, just let me know :)

Meanwhile, I will be bringing back some gifts for people who reads my blog! I'll post the details later. Got to run, even the school library is closing...

Neo prints. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's been some time since I really blog. My entries nowadays were simple and short; not so much of my rambling. Since I had the time now and maybe also the mood; let's ramble!!

School is gonna end soon. It seems like it had just started and now it's ending soon. Everytime my overseas friends asked about me, "Having exams soon" would always be in the replies. And finally one of them finally realise that I'm always having exams. Which is quite true.

2007 has so far been good. So many things is and are going to happen. First, I've somehow confirmed my Shanghai trip with school, next is my attachment matters and last but not very least, graduation from TP! Though it seemed quite far, but a year passes fast. If I'm going to China I can't take part in Church's Easter Days program! Looks like it's the first time.

I'm very random now.

Uncle David and Shireen is coming back town to celebrate Chinese New Year. Guess we had the most attendence this year! Do I look forward to Chinese New Year, I'm not too sure either.

By the way, Happy Belated Birthday, Ellen.

I guess I just don't have the energy to ramble. I need to spend time with God..

雨中即景

哗啦啦啦啦下雨了
看到大家嘛都在跑
叭叭叭叭叭计程车
他们的生意是特别好
（你有钱坐不到）
哗啦啦啦啦淋湿了
好多人脸上嘛失去了笑
无奈何望着天
叹叹气把头摇

感觉天色不对
最好把雨伞带好
不要等雨来了见你又躲又跑（哈哈）

轰隆隆隆隆打雷了
胆小的人都不敢跑（怕怕）
无奈何望着天叹叹气把头摇

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I thought of the above song today while I was on the bus watching those tiny raindrops splattering on the window. Songs from the past can be so funny :P

So, on friday I handed up my WAD project and I think I screwed it up! My members was telling me they want to give up; good grieft this project was not graded as a group. China presentation this tuesday, Law presentation next monday, ADID project submission and HCI submission in like 2 weeks time. I'll be spending my Chinese New Year studying for my 2 papers :(

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Finally met up with Terence from OM for my attachment. Living in UK is really expensive since the company is not going to pay me. It takes about 500 pounds a month to live in UK, which is 1500SD! Well, Terence thought so too.. he said unless the company over there is willing to pay for my living expenses; else I can be based in Singapore. Well, staying in Singapore and UK make not much difference; they are not going to pay me. One thing different is the exposure I will get; which is good!!

We'll see how lah.

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Well enough of procastination; I better start typing my minutes. :P

哗啦啦啦啦下雨了...

Words and music by Joe Pringle © CCC Worships 2004
Thank You
for the promises You made
For the gift of life You gave
Always I will sing Your praise

Thank You for the chance to live again
For Your grace that never ends
Always I will sing You praise

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
My beloved king
To You I sing

Hallelujah’s song
You mean everything to me
You’re all this world will never be
Your name reigns in my heart
You’re all that I depend on
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Maybe for the first time I'm not bored shopping with Church peeps! Went to town after Church and lunch; window shopping for me. Wanted to shop for CNY but I'm almost broke. Walked around, looking at cloths and going into shops I would never go on my own. To be true, I'll never tour town area on my own.

For the first time I went into Zara and some other shops that I don't remember their names. For the first time I saw things that I like which I thought I would never :P For the first time I didn't grumble when the rest "got stucked" too long in one shop.

Oh... so many of my first time I gave it all out today. So far I bought 2 CNY tops.

I wonder when we will go out again
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Just when I was printing out some music chords moment ago; I realise I'm beginning to love people around me :) Something I didn't know. Who says loving people hurts? Yeah, sometimes it does. But it feels good to love people.


Maybe I'll go feed some birds someday.


Need to buy bread.

Finally a day without school and it wasn't me who self declared it. Went to Precious Moments with Grandma in the morning-- it was eye opening! I was greeted with a huge number of Ah Mas and Ah Gongs eating breakfast, chatting gossips (opps). I had to agree their fellowship were much more successful then ours then. BUT they had more older folks then younger folks! Not to mention, the people were friendly there also. I think that's one point we got to learn. Their worships were super long, I think they sang like 10 songs in all. Watch a testimony, and it was heart-breaking and emotional.

Then went home and slept from 1pm to 5 pm because I had stomach cramps. Man... the cramps were unbearable this time.. Grandma says how can I survive in overseas like that?

I just finish writting my Law report and what's left was WAD, ADID and HCI. Oh yeah, I just remembered that I had to re-do my resumer for tomorrow. Let's just procastinate for a while. I cried just now. Don't know why I just cried. I had so many things on hand and GCC side kept pushing me do some stuff for them. TP open house tomorrow and I haven got the video camera yet! I just commit all to God and woah-lah!! I'm happy again! I just sat there, let the tears flow; I didn't say a things to God because I know that He knows and He is catching every drops of tears that I shed. Thank you, God!

I am missing my Doulos friends now that I had just receive an email from Ariel.. I missed E-day!! I miss watching how Ariel would finish one big plate of food when we went out! Luckily she doesn't have access to my blog, she's gonna kill me if she reads this. I miss walking around in the ship and the bookshop!

http://www.uk.om.org/ UK!!

I never expect that lah.. I'm not prepared for this.. HOW? But it's a one in a life-time chance! Attachment there? I only asked for Asian country...

SEARCH.

Searching...

Just who am I?

Where's my parents?

I wonder...

Next week's youth service, no drums; only guitar and piano. Been million years since we last had a worship without drums.. How come? Next week all my drummers run to CHC for service. Anyway.. Don't give up, Grace.

Yesterday I spend the most time on the bus and road. After giving tuition to KW, took 113 to Singtel bus stop. Man, the journey was longer than I expected. Then took 76 to Church. Reached Church, did my stuff and then took 109 to Pasir Ris. Then took 89 to Down Town. After that took 354 and change to 17. On one of the bus trip, I saw a woman vomit right in front of me!!

Anyway, dinner with relatives later then rush down to Lawrence's birthday party.

I'm not angry.. Really.. although things always happen whenever I lead.. So paiseh leading From the Inside Out today; sang out of tune. I'm a little tone idoit and always sang lower keys..

Did some test online and yeah... quite true to define who I am and what I really one. Go try out it out if you have time. Link is at the bottom.

5 (5, 14/5, 23/5, 32/5)
The Life Path 5 suggests that you entered this plane with a highly progressive mindset, with the attitude and skills to make the world a better place. The key word for your Life Path is freedom.<---true! In the pursuit of freedom, you are naturally versatile, adventurous, and advanced in your thinking. You are one of those people who is always striving to find answers to the many questions that life poses. The byword for the positive Life Path 5 is constant change and improvement. You want to be totally unrestrained, as this is the number most often associated with the productive use of freedom.<---true!

You may be one of the most compassionate of people as the 5 is surely the most freedom-loving and compassionate Life Path. Your love of freedom extends to humanity at large, and concern for your fellow man, his freedom and his welfare, may be foremost in your mind. A great Life Path 5 American President, Abraham Lincoln, issued the Emancipation Proclamation, and ended slavery in America. As the ultimate progressive thinker type, your potential in government, the law, and other positions of authority is unlimited.<---true!

You are a good communicator, and you know how to motivate people around you. This may be your strongest and most valuable trait. Because of this skill, and your amazing wit, you are a truly natural born salesman. This ability to sell and motivate extends to any sort of physical product all the way through to whatever ideas or concepts you may embrace.<---true!

You abhor routine and boring work, and you are not very good at staying with everyday tasks that must be finished on time. On the average, the number 5 personality is rather happy-go-lucky; living for today, and not worrying too much about tomorrow. It is also important for you to find a job that provides thought-provoking tasks rather than routine and redundant responsibilities. You do best dealing with people, but the important thing is that you have the flexibility to express yourself at all times. You have an innate ability to think through complex matters and analyze them quickly, but then be off to something new.<---true!

A love of adventure may dominate your life. This may take the form of mental or physical manifestation, but in either case, you thrill to the chance for exploration and blazing new trails. Surely you belong to a group considered the most worldly and traveled. Clearly you are not one to pass up a good venture. You have quite a lot of the risk-taker in your makeup. If you aren't putting your money at stake, you are surely open to a wide variety of risks in your everyday life. Taking the conservative approach is just not in your nature.<---true!

In romance, you hate to be tied down and restricted. This doesn't necessarily mean that you are unfaithful or promiscuous, but it does mean that a good partner for you needs to understand your nature. A relationship based on jealousy and having tight reigns is not going to work at all for you. A partner who understands your need to be free and trusted will find you trustworthy, even if you aren't constantly available and totally dutiful. It is important for you to mix with people of a like mind, and to try to avoid those that are too serious and demanding.<---true!

If you are living on the negative side of the Life Path 5, you are apt to be multitalented, but suffering from some lack of direction, and there is confusion surrounding your ambition. Restless, discontent, and impulsive, you may bounce from one job to the next without accomplishing much at all. A negative Life Path 5 can become very irresponsible in tasks and decisions concerning the home and business life. The total pursuit of sensation and adventure can result in your becoming self-indulgent and totally unaware of the feelings of those around you.

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10 May 1988
Your date of conception was on or about 18 August 1987 which was a Tuesday.
You were born on a Tuesdayunder the astrological sign Taurus.Your Life path number is 5.Life Path Compatibility:You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 3 & 9.You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path number 8.You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 6, 11 & 22.The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2447291.5.The golden number for 1988 is 13.The epact number for 1988 is 11.The year 1988 was a leap year.Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/17/1988 and ending 2/5/1989.You were born in the Chinese year of the Dragon.Your Native American Zodiac sign is Beaver; your plant is Wild Clover.You were born in the Egyptian month of Epipy, the third month of the season of Shomu (Harvest).Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 24 Iyyar 5748.Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 25 Iyyar 5748.
The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.18.15.0.7 which is12 baktun 18 katun 15 tun 0 uinal 7 kin

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Tuesday, 23 Ramadan 1408 (1408-9-23).
The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 3 April 1988.The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 10 April 1988.The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 17 February 1988.The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 22 May 1988.The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 29 May 1988.The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Monday, 12 September 1988.The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Saturday, 2 April 1988.The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 16 February 1988. As of 1/3/2007 9:25:14 PM ESTYou are 18 years old.You are 224 months old.You are 973 weeks old.You are 6,812 days old.You are 163,509 hours old.You are 9,810,565 minutes old.You are 588,633,914 seconds old.Celebrities who share your birthday:
Kenan Thompson (1978)
Amanda Borden (1977)
Paul 'Bono' Hewson (1960)
Phil and Steve Mahre (1957)
Sid Vicious (1957)
Donovan (1946)
Gary Owens (1936)
Pat Summerall (1930)
Nancy Walker (1922)
David O. Selznick (1902)
Fred Astaire (1899)
Max Steiner (1888)

Top songs of 1988
Roll with It by Steve Winwood
Every Rose Has Its Thorn by Poison
One More Try by George Michael
Look Away by Chicago
Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley
Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N' Roses
Anything for You by Gloria Estefan & Miami Sound Machine
Get Outta My Dreams, Get into My Car by Billy Ocean
Man In the Mirror by Michael Jackson
The Flame by Cheap Trick

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 2.66614481409002 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)
There are 127 days till your next birthdayon which your cake will have 19 candles.Those 19 candles produce 19 BTUs,or 4,788 calories of heat (that's only 4.7880 food Calories!) .You can boil 2.17 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1988 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.In 1988 the US population was approximately 226,545,805 people, 64.0 persons per square mile.In 1988 in the US there were 2,389,000 marriages (9.7%) and 1,183,000 divorces (4.8%)In 1988 in the US there were approximately 1,990,000 deaths (8.8 per 1000)In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.In 1988 the population of Australia was approximately 16,687,082.In 1988 there were approximately 246,193 births in Australia.In 1988 in Australia there were approximately 116,816 marriages and 41,007 divorces.In 1988 in Australia there were approximately 119,866 deaths.Your birthstone is Emerald -->The Mystical properties of Emerald
Though not meant to replace traditional medical treatment, Emerald is used for physical and emotional healing. Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Agate, ChrysopraseYour birth tree is
Poplar, the Uncertainty
Looks very decorative, no self-confident behaviour, only courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, artistic nature, good organiser, tends to philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership serious.There are 356 days till Christmas 2007! There are 4 days till Orthodox Christmas!The moon's phase on the day you wereborn was waning crescent.
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You entered: Grace Loo Yan Tin
There are 14 letters in your name.Those 14 letters total to 69There are 6 vowels and 8 consonants in your name. What your first name means:
Latin
Female
Grace.
Irish
Female
A variant of the Irish name Grianne, meaning love.
English
Female
From the word 'grace', derived from the Latin 'gratia', meaning God's favor. Famous bearer: American actress Grace Kelly became Princess Grace of Monaco.
Your number is: 6
The characteristics of #6 are: Responsibility, protection, nurturing, community, balance, sympathy.

The expression or destiny for #6:
The number 6 Expression provides you a truly outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance. The 6 is helpful and ever conscientious, making you quite capable of rectifying and balancing any sort of inharmonious situation. You are a person very much inclined to give help and comfort to those in need. You have a natural penchant for working with the old, the young, the sick, or the underprivileged. Although you may have considerable creative and artistic talents, the chances are that you will devote yourself to an occupation that shows concern for the betterment of the community.
The positive side of the number 6 suggests that you are very loving, friendly, and appreciative of others. You have a depth of understanding that produces much sympathetic, kindness, and generosity. The qualities of the 6 make the finest and most concerned parent and one often deeply involved in domestic activities. Openness and honesty is apparent in your approach to all relationships.

If there is an excess of the number 6 in your makeup, you may exhibit some of the negative traits associated with this number. There may be a tendency for you to be too exacting and demanding of yourself. In this regard, you may at times sacrifice yourself (or your loved ones) for the welfare of others. In some cases, the over zealous 6 has difficulty distinguishing helping from interfering. You may have difficulty expressing your own individuality, because of involvement with responsibilities and causes. Like all with the Expression of the number 6, it's quite likely that you worry much too much. <---true!

Your Soul Urge number is: 1
A Soul Urge number of 1 means: Your Soul Urge is the number 1. With a Soul Urge number of 1, you want to lead and direct, to work independent of supervision, by yourself or with subordinates. You take pride in your abilities and want to be recognized for them. You may seek opportunities to display your strength and usefulness, wanting to create and originate. In your desire to manage the big picture and the main issues, you may often leave the details to others.

The positive 1 Soul Urge is Ambitious and determined, a leader seeking opportunities. There is a great deal of honesty and loyalty in this character. If you possess positive 1 Soul Urge qualities, you are very attainment oriented and driven to success. You are a loyal friend and strictly fair in your business dealings.

The negative side of the 1 Soul Urge must be avoided. A negative 1 is apt to dominate situations and people; the home, the spouse, the family and the business. Emotions aren't strong in this nature. If you possess an excess of 1 energy, you may, at times, be boastful and egotistic. You must avoid being too critical and impatient of trifles. The great need of the 1 Soul Urge is the development of friendliness, and a sincere interest in people.
Your Inner Dream number is: 5

An Inner Dream number of 5 means: You dream of being totally free and unrestrained by responsibility. You see yourself conversing and mingling with the natives in many nations, living for adventure and life experiences. You imagine what you might accomplished.
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http://www.paulsadowski.com/NameData.asp

Seems like before 2006 ends, a lot of things happen. PS told us that his teacher passed away, so did a few friends back in China. Then today I got an prayer request mail from Uncle Gary that Dane met with an accident on New Year's eve back in California and his dad is falling quite ill now. He's trying to get tickets back to bid him good-bye but all are full. Oh man..

Prayers goes out to them all.

Hang on, Uncle Gary.

Pictures!! The Thanksgiving lunch was not at all good. The speakers were horrible, Cheryl and me sounds weird and the people giving their testimonies? Not bad I can say, but the speakers made it bad. Can we change location?Countdown at Wan's place as usual; but I wonder will it be the same place next year.. *sight* I'm reading Lao Fu Zi :P Childhood favorite and still loving it now. So what if I like them?Some random shots.. Sian Dan Chao Ren!
Grandma, with her Victory hand and smile :B
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Like I say, 2007 seems exciting and happening. Indeed it's going to be! I'll be doing my year 3 in polytechnic, going for attachment (hopefully on board Doulos!), travelling and etc etc.. One more thing; CHANGES!

Yes, this year seem to have a lot of changes going on. First, no more youth fellowship (change to youth service on Sunday). Then I just recieve a quite shocking news that almost all the youth MIGHT change church! How could that be? Let me show you a formula:
L=JY=A=(E+W)=(LEO+C)=S=.... ... ....
When one leave, the rest will just start. In the end like what Ern says "Left you alone to play with your dog" Actually it's Aunty Florence's dog.

Well, naturally when one goes the rest will follow. I have the urge also; but is it correct? Which Church am I gonna go to? What ministry can I serve in? Will I adapt? Starting all over again? What about my Doulos dream? What about what about what about what about....10+ years in Church.. WHY? I felt so afraid and sad suddenly. 2007 already. 10+ years of friendship, *poof*? I know some might not have taken me as a friend, just a church mate on Sunday; but I cherished those moments; happy and sad. But God, if it's so.. I'm unwilling to let go. Let it be in Your will, and I will obey.

Another quesation: When are my wounds in this Church gonna heal? These few days I kept recalling what happened in the past.. Moments I was mocked, look down, laugh at, ignored.. Moments where all gathered and I was left all alone with the adults. Moments where all the kids bond together but I'm not inside. Moments where others are talking behind my back. Moments where they treat me nicely when they needed me and not when they don't.
I knew from the start I couldn't fit in. All because of a few reason and one main one was my size. Fat people always get the cold shoulders and treated differntly. Fat people always something for others to talk about. Fat people are always the outcasted. Fat people are 'not' normal. Fat people can't have too many normal friends, the only friends they can have are fat people. Fat people can't wear nice clothes. Fat people can't do a lot of things. Fat people are always viewed as the strongest. Fat people are often made fun of. Fat people often get hurt. Fat people's wound takes longer time to heal because whenever it start to heal, someone or people would make it worse. Fat people. I'm one of them since I can remember. My fault? Maybe. Been inside for so long, I just want to let it out. That's what I feel. Tell me if I'm wrong. Don't say it just because you want to make me happy. I want the truth. Where has my confidence been? Where has my zeal been? I tried so hard to be strong; but in the end.. I'm still beaten by this FAT PEOPLE issue.

I just need to be stronger. (Wipe away tears. I will be stronger with each tear I cry) I'm just too sensative at times.

500+ a month, can my present church afford it? Will they be willing to sponsor? Is there any strings attached? Seriously now, I don't feel like working full-time for the church if I had to. No.

Haiz.. How God? It's only the second day of the year!

If we were given one more try; will things be different?

I had an early bath, I sleep early and I woke up ealier then I had to. What a way to start 2007! This morning when I woke up, notice it's MORNING, it felt so 'holiday'. It's been a long time since I had this feeling. Feels like Chinese New Year, feels like something good is going to happen, feels like I'm going away on a trip! Great feeling.

Today I had my resume send for SIP/OSIP, done my Values Reflection and the last thing left was my Media Law paper.

I had a great night of sleep.. Thank you God for the day!

Not a good way to end the year and to start the year. Hang over from as long as I can remember, so giddy when I wake up this morning.. I lost count of how many wine I took. So paiseh also; blabber out all the rubbish and what's buried inside me :P

I was awake, but just couldn't help blabber out nonsense. Oh man; never am I gonna get drunk again.. Apologies to the people I disturbed :P
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The new year is here! Boy, where did 2006 go to? After my O levels, the years passed super fast. Yesterday was refered to as "last year" already.

Okok, I'm still hanging over.. the giddy spell is still there..

Hit the bed