The Grace in Grace

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

Not too long ago I thought my life came to an end. Everything was going well, way too well. I was having a job I like, facing my crush every single working day ( :D ), I passed my O level, I got into the polytechnic I want to get in... then God sure knows how to play a joke on me ( I thought). But I thank God for the body for all that and the check-up that revealed what I had but didn't know all along. If it would drag any longer.. I doubt I'll survive till now!

Gone are the days of needles and insulin. Gone are the days of looking at my tummy wondering where to poke that needle in. Gone are the nights crying myself to sleep and wondering why this had happened. Coming to think of that.. I manage to put a smile on my face right now :)

Damn it was difficult. But I survived. Thank you.

Without God, no chance. You had no idea how crushed I was. Try smashing your finger with a 100 ton weight. Ok, not in that sense of "crush". But it just seem like my whole world stopped moving. I dreamed no more, I cared no more.

God allowed me to be sad and depressed for a few moments, but not for long. I found new strength through this pain. Not long after, I was on my feet again. All ready to face it.

Still I was afraid of what diabetes might or some say would bring. Kidney failure, heart attack, hypertension, stroke.. All these scares me. I moved from injections to medications, but the fact is this sickness sticks to me all my life.. (who knoes maybe not!) Who wouldn't be afraid when you know that you are in the risk of getting all these other sickness. Who wouldn't grumble and ask why.. especially when you're not even in middle age? Who would think what might happen in future?

Well, I got it sort out..

From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.

What may happen; God permits them. He will guide me through. Uncle Tony's sermon today came as when needed. God walks before me.

Diabetes wouldn't be a stumbling stone in God's journey for me. It is a stepping stone.

Oh.. I might be going home to Malaysia this Wednesday!! It's exciting to think of it. I haven been home for 8 years.. Not confirm yet though..

See, when I say I turn red after being in the sun... I wasn't kidding. Here's the prove. In this picture, I was under the sun for less than an hour..

Ich denke zu viel manchmal. Die meisten sind leise Gedanken. Die Gedanken sind, das so tief, manchmal, das ich nicht weiß, was ich denke. Möglicherweise glätten Sie, was ich glücklich bin, verärgert, traurig oder drücken Sie ungefähr nieder. Das Leben ist wie das.

Ich muß erlernen ließ gehen und positiv sein. Seien Sie mitfühlender, wie ich wünschte immer zu habe. Lächeln Sie mehr und interessieren Sie sich mehr. Interessieren Sie sich mehr in der rechten Weise.

*&^^&#%^*@#!$$!!!
Es wird fast 2 Monate gewesen; 2 lange Monate und Zählen. Der Anblick dieser Person reizt mich und nicht fragt mich warum; Ursache I wissen nicht. Daß Stimme, Tätigkeiten und sogar Anwesenheit der Person mich reizt.

Stumm als diese Person kann schauen, oder, möglicherweise sich zu benehmen, ist diese Person sneaky. Schweine mein Raum und jetzt ist er in einer Verwirrung. Daß Schnarcher der Person andere im Koma aufwachen können. Warum kamen Sie an erster Stelle, was sind dort zu sehen oder sogar zurück?

Ihre Familie ist vollständig zurück an der anderen Seite der Welt, also gehen Sie zurück zu, wo Sie gehören. Welche Art der Person sind Sie, zum Ihrer Liebe eine zurück an der anderen Seite der Welt ganz ALLEINE zu entleeren? Essen Sie für freies, Aufenthalt für freies. Kaufen Sie eine einfache Fahrkarte hier und erwarten Sie uns dann, eine andere einfache Fahrkarte für Sie zu zahlen, um zurück zu Ihrem Land zu gehen?

Intelligent wie? Denken Sie nicht, daß Sie ein Experte in IHM sind. Sie noob.

We went Pulau Ubin on saturday. The day was nice, the sun was great! We arrived in the afternoon, cycled a little and spend most of the time just lazing around the island. It was a thrill to cycle with Ning on a double bike. We nearly died.

The brakes weren't working well. I was holding it with ever ounch of my strength, still it doesn't really matter.. we were pratically rolling down the slopes like mad people. Thank God, we survived. Never borrow bikes from that shop anymore..

We cycled to chek jawa and climbed all the way to the top of the viewing tower and then down to the jetty. Had a lot of insect bites and my skin was tanned, no burns this time. But as usual, I'm the reddest at the end of the day :) I guess that's my trademark.

_______________________________________________________________

Monday went for Zoo's show presenter interview. I like the job and hope I can get it.. Besides presenting shows, we take care of the animals too.. cool eh? Then Ah Bu introduce me to a freelance job that teaches mandarin to non-chinese students in school. According to her, that's the new MOE rules. Chinese students learn malay and malay students learn mandarin.

Well, anyway. I just send in my resume, still need to go for itnerview.

Tuesday went to immigration to see what they can do about my passport issues. NOW they tell me the most they could do was send the letter earlier to me when I'm overseas. You see, at first the letter for me to take oath will only be send to me on the day of my birthday. Hopefully when they send the letter earlier to me, I can make it in time to take oath..

You know what? Actually I like the idea of going to UK now.. Since the ship might not be sailing when I join this year.. So maybe a year in UK would be a better choice?

Living expenses in UK cost about 50 pounds a week, without counting rent. That means a month I need about SGD600.. and according to my friend, it depends on where I live and whether I eat out or cook.

Do you think I can cook? Maybe I should learn now.

Yeah, I'm open to UK now.

What you think?

Actually I was thinking if I get the job at the zoo, I might stay.. but.. I would want UK too...

Decisions, decision, decision...

Well, it's decision time again. Sometimes I wished I was those that can make decision by flipping a coin or closing their eyes and point.

You see. It's complicated.

Because I wasn't born in Singapore, the government ordered me to take my oath when I was 21. With this issue, my passport expires in 2009 November. Like I mentioned before, the immigration officer said I am allowed to take my oath at any Singapore embassy.

But the thing is... IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE!

The ship sails around. Who knows where I will be in May 2009? Maybe in Latin America, Eastern Europe or some unknown places?

The officer said a letter will be send to me when it's time to take my oath. So, are you gonna send on my birthday itself or earlier? Letters send to me via ship's address takes 2-3 weeks to reach me. If this is the case, I MUST TAKE MY OATH WITHIN MAY 2009. Else, I couldn't travel. Taking my oath in June or later eats into the 6 months validation I'm left with.

And who knows if there's an embassy nearby? I might need to take a flight, a train, a bus to take that oath and then get my passport extended. What if it's not an english speaking country?

Too much work for the ship and the time is TOO tight. TOO TIGHT! While entering into new ports, we may need new visas.. I might not be granted a visa when I have only 6 months validation left.

Isn't it complicated?


So, OPTION 1:
Speak to immigration again. Beg them to let me take my oath earlier or give me extention. Or something that works.

OPTION 2:
Pospond my serving until 2009 September. Which is more than 1 years later. In the mean time I can work in the circular world. Earn some money, get some rat race experience. May be a plus for me.

But I'm only worried that the rat race will caught onto me.. and the idea of staying in Singapore one more year and working... turns me quite off. QUITE.

OPTION 3:
As suggested by T. Extention of my committment. One year in UK and then 2 years on the ship.

I was suppose to go to UK for my internship with OM's IT head office, but things didn't work out then. T said I could serve there for a year until Sept 2009 and then move on to the ship; if I don't want to wait anymore. ( OF COURSE I DON'T WANT TO WAIT!!)

Why did T suggested UK? Well... getting my oath taken and stuff is a lot more easier. It's an english country. TRUE.

Well. Now. Of course I want to go UK rather to stay here. But.

Cost of living in UK is HIGH. VERY.

Alrighty, I don't have to rent a room. It's provided. But maybe food, transport and other expenses alone can kill? I don't get paid serving in the IT office. It's volunteer. Just like on the ship. Oh, I realise everyone working with OM is volunteering.

And.. IT again? T said "use your expertise in UK". EXPERTISE???
Oh no no no... I'm not.

But if God wants me to. OK. A chance to brush up on my IT skills.

I want IT as a skill, not a career for life.

So, that's where I am now.

Decision, decision, decision.

What's your take?

I PASSED!!

I'M DONE WITH POLYTECHNIC!!

I'M DONE WITH INTERNET AND MULTIMEDIA DEVELOPMENT!!

I CAN KISS PROJECT GOODBYE!!

I CAN START MY LOGOS HOPE APPLICATION!!

THANK YOU, JESUS!!!

YEAHHHH!!! YAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!!!

The most stupid thing happened to me today. My mobile killed itself when it fell into the toilet bowl. It fell, flickered for a while, and then died. The last thing I saw on my mobile phone was the picture of me and frauke set as the wallpaper.

I tried doing CPR on it, but no chance. I swing out all the water droplets, no chance.. Dad say put it under the sun to dry it; yeah right... it has been raining for days.

All my pictures, smses and ring tones are gone. Even the picture of Mas Selamat that I have kept was gone...

The good thing is, the toilet bowl was clean. I had just flushed it and then it dropped.. Thank God it didn't choke the toilet bowl..

Now I need a new phone.. Currently I'm using my grandma's phone.. YES, grandma's Nokia 6610i.

I need a job .. There's so many things I need to buy before I go on the ship.. Haha.. This wish list was so loooong ago; but still it exist.A new trekking, the one I have is so worn out and old now..
A laptop! For my emails, design software and pictures while I'm on the ship.
A new wallet. Mine is almost breaking apart...
A digital camera! This one above is my dream camera. It cost a few thousand dollars man..
A backpack, 60-70 liters. Deuter would be the best.
New glasses.. plastic frame, maybe... so it wouldn't rust.. for the next 2-3 years

Oh great. I have 2 impacted wisdom tooth. One of them is hurting.

Both of then couldn't fully erupt from my gum, it's half way in and out. According Changi Hospital and many websites I read, it's wise to remove them now. The ideal age to remove your dear wisdom tooth is between 17-24.. Well, it read "even if it may not bother you, it's ideal to remove them to prevent any future problems."

Why do they exist, anyway?

The top one irritates me at times, brushing against my cheek when I talk or eat. Today, the bottom one start to hurt.. I don't know why but the gum around it is rather soft now and of course painful when you touch it.

Actually I didn't even realise I have a second wisdom tooth until today; when it hurts while trying to eat a soft papaya...

I guess I have another one, but still hidding in the gum.

I'm afraid of the operation to remove them actually. Your side of the face becomes swollen from it, it hurts and there are risk of infections.. And me being diabetic will take a looooonger time to heal. The great thing is, both of them is on the right side of my face, upper and lower jaw.

But I should get it fix before I bored Logos Hope. The top wisdom tooth have been irritating me before I even went on Logos II.. Thank God nothing happen on the ship.

I guess now it's the right time that it decides to hurt.

Wisdom tooth, why must you hurt?

Wisdom hurts; I guess.

I was debating whether I should go back to school today or totally ignore the project. I don't really care about the project show, neither do I want the recognition or "fame" that follows. I am just really glad that we are out of the project show! I guess today will be the last time I went back to school for project matter.

Anyway, I dropped by the Immigration today to check out my passport and citizenship issues. The thing is I can take my oath overseas at the embassy, and then my passport will be extended there. BUT...

To travel to the US or Australia, I need the new bio-matrix passport. Mine is not. If I change my passport to bio-matrix now, it will still carry the same expire date. When I take my oath and have my passport extended, I will have to send my WHOLE pasport back to Singapore. The whole process of extending and bla bla bla will take about a month. Which means I have to stay at that country for a month. Knowing that the ship moves around every 2-3 weeks; will it be possible?

Well, if I don't change my passport into a bio-matrix one, I can't travel to the US or Australia. But my passport get extended on the spot.

Well, what should I do?

We went fishing in Iceland! After watching whales, the boat sailed to a certain part of the sea and there... we started fishing. I remembered Rahel was the fastest to get her fish on hook. As fast as dropping it into the water and the next second there's fish..

Well, I wasn't that good at it. Maybe it's my location.. I caught 2, small-medium fishes. But I enjoyed the thrill of getting fish on the hook!

I guess I'll never go fishing in Singapore. Cause all I've ever caught is catfishes... at least the small fishes I caught in Iceland is fit for the table. Don't ask me what fish they are..

Meeting with AH later, but I have done NOTHING.. Bless me.

原本沉默的我好像变得更沉默无语。今天和两位好友见面，一个告诉我说：“你好像变得比以前更沉默了。”我自己也有同感。最近发现我说话的次数少了，说出来的话也好像没什么意义。可是，我却有好多话想说。有很多的思想，感想和感言想说；但却不懂得如何说。就连来到上帝面前我的话也不多。我是多么想把心里的话说出来，可是现在的我做不到。