The Grace in Grace

自己的路要怎么走，如何走，往哪里走。。。是一种选择。很多时候我们会想走简单的路，别人已经走过的路，那些不会遇到危险，伤害的路。因为怕走失，因为自己没有勇气面对一段全新的路，因为很少人尝试过。

失败怎么办？迷路怎么办？
人家会笑我傻，笑我笨，笑我愚蠢吗？

在这个现实的社会，想走一段跟别人不一样的路，很难。

毕业后不找一份 OFFICE JOB；你不是很正常。
出来工作不为钱；你神经有点问题。
想出国到处走走；你要先有很多钱。

对不起，我不这样认为。

为什么我那么想远走高飞呢？
为什么我那么想过不一样的生活呢？
为什么我不是一个HOME PERSON 呢？

我想，我一直以来都在想逃避。。。
想离开不去面对。
想脱离做“中间人”的痛苦。

离开可能对彼此都好。
可能以后我们的关系会更好，
我可能会更珍惜你们。

3 years of hard work ended with a ceremony, a gown and a diploma. The moment ended when my name was called and I went to collect the certificate from the director. Now, I am officially a diploma graduate. 3 years seems long when I was going through it. Now that it was behind me, it seem kind of short. Funny.

3 years was fun, of course it was hard as well. If you have been reading my post you'll realise how shitty it was during project submission period. Late nights, complie errors, reports and the list goes on. The fear of failing, the fear of taking sub paper, the fear of repeating!

No matter how shit it was; it's over :)

Now, maybe it's another 4-6 years of education to come. What should I study? A normal university or Bible College first?

Polytechnic friends are nothing but passer bys in my life? Well, maybe for some of them. But I am glad there are still a few that will remain as friends for life (I hope). Thanks for all the moments! Shout outs to Farabi, Azri, Joycelyn and the rest of my wonderful classmates.

Farabi aka Fara:
I thought your name sounds weird when you introduce yourself. We were highly motivated together and also went down hill together XD. First it was the Pacesetter thing, then GCC then it was uncountable number of events. I remembered ignoring you and rolling my eyes at you. HAH! But through all that, we stuck through them all and is still friends. Thanks for helping me with my projects and for all those encouraging words you said when I needed it. Thanks for also understanding and sharing my thoughts. I promise I will not forget to bring back a dolphin for you next time. Keep in touch, no matter where I am or where you are.

Azri aka Fat cat:
Thanks for "msning" with me with emails during attachment days, else my day are so hard to pass. It is a joy to know that you welcomed God into your life. Thanks also for helping me with my projects, especially during year 1. I just dump my error filled java project for you to debug.. HAHAHA! That's why I manage to pass. Thanks for also sharing my passion on backpacking and for planning the imaginary road trip from Singapore to North Korea to ends of the world. Thanks for also sharing your thoughts!

Joycelyn aka Joyce:
My take-bus buddy! I remember waiting for each other during year 1 at my house bus stop. When you'er late, we always chiong taxi. Thanks for also paying the fair most of the time knowing that I'm broke. Next time, my treat XD. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me. Your word of encouragement was what I needed when I'm down. Though we went our "seperate way" when we chose different options in year 2, we are still friends! Continue your passion for God and you will shine ever so brightly for Him.

"亲爱的恩华老师，

收信平安！多年没写信问候你们一家，大家还好吗？希望你还记得我！

每次写信给你都会想起以前在教会一起生活的日子，心里会顿时感到欣慰。我床前还放着你们那时结婚，我们一起照的相片。拿起来看时，心想时间过得可真快！我那时只有12岁，一转眼我今年都20岁了。虽然你回国多年，但你一直是我的推动力和学习的榜样。我很庆幸能认识你和东洋老师。。。"

I wrote this letter wanting to send it to 恩华老师. After I have not written to her in 3 years time, I thought it would be nice to write to her again. So, I sat down and wrote. There was so much I wanted to tell her and didn't know where to begin. I started and realise there are too much to write about. Writing in chinese also wears me out.. So, I stopped half way and till now I didn't touch it.

The news of the Cyclone came and my thoughts flew to 恩华老师 and family. Then news of it got worse and worse..

I don't know if she's alright. She has always been weak in health, I just hope she and family is alright.

Before she left, I told her I will visit her when I turn 25. Back then I had plans to save up from 12 years old to 25 years old. A few cents a day, so that I can visit her in Myanmar. How naive. Last year after attachment I wanted to go visit her, but I went to Logos II instead. I visited Cambodia, Thailand and Indonesia.. But not Myanmar..

As I recall the fond memories we all shared when she was in Church.. The prank calls in the hotel room, the birthday celebrations, the time sitting together to talk, the times we laugh, the moment we all ran out to meet her when she return to Singapore from USA... the last day of sunday school with her and the moment I saw her cry... I wish I had send out my letter. But what difference would it make, right?

Till now, she's still the best sunday school teacher I've ever had. And so I guess, no one could replace her. Looking at the current sunday school teachers and looking back at the sunday school teachers I had.. I'm so glad I met 恩华老师. Her footprints in my heart will never fade :)

恩华老师, I'm praying for you and your family.

Meet Iggy! Her chinese name as given by Cleo and Si Yun is Xiao Bai Long( 小白龙). Her english name as given by me is Iggy.

Si Yun and Cleo gave Iggy to me for my birthday. Female, pearl white hamster. One month old. They said when they saw this hamster, they knew she was for me.

When they first saw her, Iggy was sitting quietly at one corner. But the moment they bought her, she showed her true colours! She began kicking saw dust out of her cage, very naughty. So, now they say Iggy is so much like me. Quiet on the outside, wild on the inside.

Do you think so?

It's weird to be taking care of a pet once again. It's been so long since Fei Zhu left me. I'm like looking over the internet to refresh myself on how to take care of a hamster. But having a pet to look forward to everyday after work.. sure is an experience.

Now I have no hamster food for Iggy and lost her water bottle while on the way home. I shall buy them tomorrow or very soon.

Well, once a year, it's my birthday.

Happy Birthday to me!

A quiet birthday, maybe? Went to Church to make mothers' day flower and now I'm home. Later in the evening Si Yun is celebrating for me. I wonder who will be there.

Seems like a quiet birthday. The last time I had a birthday BBQ was when I was 14. It was fun, I think.. Couldn't remember :) Hopefully next year is my last birthday in a good few years..

I should celebrate my 21st birthday and it should be grant huh?

Well, birthday is always cakes, presents, chalet, bbq and food.. Is there anything more interesting than this?

I want an interesting birthday.

I'm glad some of my friends still do care :)

Just a simple question of "How have you been?", meant a lot to me. Now it makes me wonder, how often do we take time to ask one another "How have you been?". For me, most of the time I assume that someone is doing aye alright. Maybe he/she is busy with life and I shouldn't disturb him/her. Maybe the answers I will get are the usuals. Or simplty it didn't cross my mind :P

But I guess. It really doesn't hurt to ask. Sometimes people around us really need it. Doesn't matter if that person is a close friend, not so close friend or you get to meet them every week or so. A simple act of kindness will go a long way.

Well anyway I'm back to my job of feeding, selling ray food and watching over the stingrays. The past week I was posted to the dessert store. It was fun, but not the purpose why I applied for the job in Underwater World. Many others don't want to take up the stingray job because of the low pay. I don't mind, because I want to be near them and I can really take some time to chat with the people who came. If I wanted a high pay job, why then would I work in UWS? But yeah, I won't be staying for too long.

Hmmm. Life is alright now. Calm and nothing really eventful.

I want breakthrough in life! Breakthrough in my spiritual life. Breakthrough in my worship. Breakthrough in my attitube. Breakthrough in my mission life. Breakthrough in knowledge and wisdom!

Would you pray for me? Just a simple prayer. Example "God, you know what Grace need. Bless her in your will and timing. Amen." Hahahaha... something like this lah huh.

Anyway, I'm still so blur from my nap. It's like I force myself to wake up when I wanted to sleep somemore. For a moment I though my "soul" is still in dream world.

Have a blessed week :)

"God ask us to wait. You might not find that idea bold, daring or very impressive, but it's obedient and our obedience catches God's attention. Waiting for God's timing requires trusting in His goodness and wisdom. We develope patience as we trust that God denies us with what we think is good only cause He has something better for us; both now and in future."

I receive this text from Cindy a few days ago. I didn't tell her I am not going to Logos Hope this year nor did I mention in this blog yet.

God knows. And this was the assurance I needed from Him.

Because of my passport and citizenship issue, everything have to be pushed back to next year. Plans to go UK didn't work out as well because of this annoying oath issue. So, all have to wait till I pass my 21st birthday and my oath taken.

Now, I have more than a year to prepare for Logos Hope.

And so the question came. What job should I look for? Working in Underwater world is interesting, but it isn't the place to stay for a looooong time. My department's staff are mostly aunties (90%). I should have choosen Guest Service Officer, at least it's 70% young people. It get annoying working with the aunties and sometimes they are pushies.

OM offered me an option to work part time with them. I am considering that option.. They say I need talk to Church, but I feel as though they are too busy to hear me. Everytime I tried to find time or a suitable opportunity to talk, it never came. When it did, the answers I get were all so surfaced. Don't anyone take me seriously when I say I want to be a missionary? Or maybe this is all satan's work.

Freelance job? Full time job? Part time job?

More training and preparation for full time mission?