Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Day 0 - Taking the first step out

No tears, not a single drop; that's something worth celebrating actually! I can't imagine if it was the old me back then... I would have packed and unpacked, packed and unpacked. It wasn't easy, not at all. If I could, I wouldn't want to. It has gotten so comfortable, so familiar.. But I know some day I will still have to go through this. Maybe there is an easier way, maybe it wouldn't have to feel this way.. But for once, let the decision be made and let me not back out on it.

Those eyes told me the answer right away and knowing you, I knew there's nothing much to be done. After all, I've done all I could and since I've been saying it's time... then it shall be "it's time". I'll miss those times, how things were and not to forget the one who will always sit with me whenever I'm down..

Not an easy recovery road... But I'll live through it.

Could I have done things differently? Maybe.

# . Grace Eleora Loo : 10/27/2010 01:43:00 AM  0 comments

Monday, October 25, 2010


Drowning in my loneliness
Broken dreams and promises
How can I how can I carry on

Silence is the only truth
Words are empty so are you
Can't deny what I feel so strong

[Pre Chorus]
I just want to close my eyes
Till the world subsides
Then I hear a voice inside me cry

[Chorus]
I just want to live, I just want to live
I just want to breathe
To begin to believe
To be free and to love , once again
To try


I just want to live, I just want to live
I just want to breathe
Let the song of live begin

Opening my eyes again
Everything still looks the same
How can I how can I carry on

If theres life, there's always hope
Heaved a sigh but wisdom spoke
I know who I am , and I know what
my life can be

[Bridge]
I'll never understand the reasons
Why life can be unkind
And I'll never have the answers
To all the questions in my mind
But I can chose the way
I live my life
It's mine to give,
what's mine is mine to live
So I.
will live..
to breathe..
I wanna live.
to breathe

And live to breathe.
To liveI just wanna live

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I remembered this song when I saw it posted on Facebook. It was back in 2003 when Elim has just started on her My Voice project, if I'm not wrong the book was published in 2004. There's also this program to promote the book on Channel U's radio every weekday night and I would tune in to it while studying for Os. Those are the memories!
Went for my second dental appointment today and I kind of expected those questions the moment I stepped into the room. That aside... I had a lot of drillings and whatnots... and was even put on anesthetic.. my first, and now I understand how a stroke patient must have felt when half the face couldn't feel anything. Now, there's a 3rd.. I just hope that I can dive this weekend without any pain or problem.
YMCA this Friday... I got to nail it and hit the ground running.

# . Grace Eleora Loo : 10/25/2010 08:52:00 PM  0 comments

Sunday, October 24, 2010

it's like i need someone there, but when you're there.. i don't know what to say. who's willing to give a hug without asking why?

# . Grace Eleora Loo : 10/24/2010 02:37:00 AM  0 comments

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Everyone has a story to tell about visiting the dentist and most wouldn't be nice. Perhaps, it's nothing bad, really, but since young we were all instilled with this unknown fear of visiting the dentist, eh? Tell me, who actually likes visiting the dentist? Perhaps it's the dentist chair, the sound of the drill, the smell of the room and all the sharp tools going into your mouth... and not to forget that intimidating light that stares at your face the whole time you’re lying down.

My forbidden tooth forces me to visit Reggie today. Though it’s not as scary as it was to me when I was younger, still I was a tad nervous about it. I came late and it was my first time at his clinic. It was almost lunch hour and almost all the patient left, I was the only one there. When it was my turn to go in, I didn’t want to think twice about it at all. Thinking twice means I’ll be wasting some time. Reggie looked professional, never seen him in his doctor’s attire, it’s always him in his wetsuit or tee-shirt and shorts. I don’t know why, but his professional image puts me at ease. He wanted to take an x-ray of the tooth at first to see how deep the root is and at that moment I know it’s going to cost me quite a bit. Then he forgoes the x-ray plan and wanted to open up my roots or something like that I heard. All I had in my mind was, anesthetic. As long as I don’t feel any pain, whatever you want to do, I don’t care. Reggie started drilling at that tooth, and before that he said no anesthetic unless it’s really sensitive… It was a good 5 minutes of that, and then he began digging and screwing metal bits in and out of the teeth… All these done and no pain.

Second treatment next week… and I’m so looking forward to it… I just hope it doesn’t cause me any pain for the LOB trip.

# . Grace Eleora Loo : 10/20/2010 05:31:00 PM  0 comments

Saturday, October 16, 2010

I think it's time. Everything seems to have settled, chaos is almost over and people are moving on. There seems to be nothing I'm holding on to anymore, I guess... it's time. Looking at how things are now, I felt like... I've done everything I could, I've planted my seeds, watered them and now it has to grow on its own. Next come my turn.

I've come to realise that there's only so much you can do... as much as you would like to do more, but there's a limit. So, everytime I look at them.. I felt like I've accomplish my task and it's time I move on..

# . Grace Eleora Loo : 10/16/2010 02:44:00 PM  0 comments

Wednesday, October 06, 2010


I know this feeling. As much as I hate to admit it, there's still that essence in it. Bitter sweet, I suppose. It's a change too sudden, too sudden cause I didn't even had a second to see it coming. And when it happened, there are issues I want to deal with first. I pushed those emotions and granted period of bewilderment aside, there's something more important to be done. Now, I guess it's finally setting in. I don't like this feeling.
As much as I have planned the escape route, it still bites on me if it is the wisest choice I could make. It's like you are not quite use to it, but had to smile... cause in your heart, you have made that promise and this is what and maybe the only thing you could do. For now, I'll just put on the best smile till it settles. I just hope the smile doesn't tear... cause it couldn't affort to.
God, teach me and show me what You want to show me... Is this another lesson for me to learn?

# . Grace Eleora Loo : 10/06/2010 12:34:00 PM  0 comments

Monday, October 04, 2010


Twice, I was asked, "Why are humans so complicated?"

And my answer to the both that asked, were the same. I believe that humans are not complicated by nature, we just want to and chose to. Look at it this way, were babies complicated? They know what they want, everyone is a good person around them and they make sure they get what they want, no tricks played, no evil intentions.. There, plain and simple. So, we weren't complicated at the start!

So many things have happened, so many thoughts running through my head. I've never been a person who loses sleep easily, nothing can disrupt my sleep... but that night, I slept for 2 hours and I just couldn't sleep anymore. I didn't ask "why?" inside me, I am not even very shocked about it... and it's even almost like I couldn't be bothered. Now, that's when I asked myself... "Why? Why is my reaction like this now?" Then I realize...

I gave myself till midnight, and then I'm gonna let it go and move on... Such is life, life is such..

# . Grace Eleora Loo : 10/04/2010 03:05:00 PM  0 comments

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