The Grace in Grace

I sat down at the comfortable chair, listening to what will take place during the Cambodia trip. Seeing the pictures showed, all the more I really want to make it for this trip. One problem, I don't have the 500 bucks they want to collect today. Worse, they want it by tomorrow 10a.m, else my name will be replaced. I prayed; by faith I put my name on the list of who's going and told the in-charge that I'll hand over the money tomorrow. At that moment, I really don't know how and where am I going to get that money from. My cheque can't cash in until this Saturday even if I can, it will be too late. I prayed and prayed. God answered my prayers finally. He gave me the courage to borrow the money from Aunt Helen and she agreed! When I got home, Grandma and Aunt Helen were very supportive of me going on this trip! Praise God, Hallelujah!!

Tomorrow all things will go on smoothly, I'll reach school before 10a.m, hand over the money, study hard for my term test, sit for the 5 papers and off I go to Cambodia! By faith!!

The trip is from 9th to 13th June, Friday to Tuesday. Leaving on an evening flight and coming back on a morning flight. Glad that Gerald and Jesher will be going to; it's a good chance to make some new friends! I'm totally excited about this trip!

Praise God!! And well, EC, thanks for giving me the sponsor's link so that I know where to get sponsors and offering to talk to EO about my case (Which I am not sure if you did). Anyway, thanks.

2 CDs this year! Two, liang ge, liong gor, 1+1=2!!

Just like Heaven and Precious Cross.

How I wish I would be part of the production; but anyway. All is done for God!

Instead of focusing on my weakness and fault, why not hand them over to God and let Him take it all away?! All those "feelings" and "unstableness" was just ways to make me fall. Term test coming up in a week's time, better start studying! In addition to submission of projects; God, help me manage myself to manage my time.

Something to look forward after term test is the coming Cambodia trip. I really want to make it for the trip; but still funding is still a question mark. 500 bucks, by faith it will be settled.

It has been a loooonnnngggggg time since I last sat infront of my computer to do some serious school work. Because I had to rush some Sofeware Engineering project, I had to sit down and think. Although I was blank for the first half, I thank God for clearing the blockage in the end. I was there panicking of what to do since I understand nothing of the qurstions asked and kept praying! God answers prayers.

That's one shock for that moment and before I can recover, another came by. Read the email send by GCC, the Cambodia trip is this June and not October as I thought it was! If we want to go, we'll need to bring forward 500 bucks next tuesday. 5oo bucks, where do I get such money. My bank account is almost zero, I have a few hundred dollars with me and a haven cash in cheque of a few hundred dollars. Plus together, not even enough! Yeah, maybe after the subsidy it will be lesser than 500, but still they needed 500 bucks just in case. I really want to go for this trip. It's like once in a life time you can go on a community project trip with your school and learn something out of it! Tired of the normal holidaying, I want something meaningful. This is my chance. I emailed asking for information on where to get sponsors and got some link to go to. However, all of them required at lease a month's notice! I have to make my payment next week! Well, I believe God will help me open up the path if I can go in His will.

In any case, if anyone would like to sponsor me. Please email me to know more about the coming project. 500 bucks, where am I going to get these money!!??

Church was alright today, that stupid feeling (depression I called) was gone when I broke the barrier I placed. Saw the Tan brothers! It's been a really long time I saw them since they change church with their parents. Still so cute and cubby, wanted to pinched that baby face; but no chance!

Cambodia... 500 bucks... Australia study trip... 1400 bucks... money money money, it's so funny yeah... Vietnam CDS... 1000 bucks...

Sponsors anyone??

Just came back from Daniel's (Pei Shen Lao Shi) wedding dinner. A short and sweet one. Took 812 from Yishun Interchange, but the bus never took me to the club. In the end, I had to take a taxi down. Then I got lost in the clud itself. Not knowing where the wedding is, I walked round and round. Till I saw Daniel in his suit and the reception table. The whole dinner ended quiet early and we stayed back to take some photographs with the groom and bride. I was someone getting green when I saw Daniel giving the girls red packet for being ushers. Almost all the girls got chosen to help out, except for me and Ning. If I could help, maybe I can get some pocket money and put some colours into my wallet.

Took the Kong's car home. Uncle Bao Ming drove off even before I can close the door. Can't you freakingly wait for me to close the damn door before you drive off? I know there's a taxi behind you and the light had turn green. Can't you wait for a damn second?

I'm just getting so unstable with church. Feel like a total left out and maybe even a loser. Freaking hell, what's happening. I just feel that I'm not doing my job well as a committee member, not as a friend and not even as a church member. Putting up a fake smile, pretending that I'm alright. People might say I'm thinking too much and please take control of myself. Easily said than done. I know, I know... I'm not that pretty, not that "girly", not that responsible, not that smart and not that easy to be friend with. I just suck for now.

Term test coming, projects dueing and I still have the big mess to clear up in the church cardboard. I feel like I'm just walking around aimlessly, following people and being an "eatra". Shirly is busy with her exam, and couldn't get into contact with her cause her cellphone ran out of money. No one to shared my problem with and no one to talk to. Where are the people I thought they cared when I really needed them? Now that Shirly is back online talking to me; I just don't feel like sharing anything with her already. Stupid right? I know I am.

I'm gonna feel extra again in church tomorrow. I want my focus and purpose back, I want the realt me back.

Watched the Da VinCi Code with Aisha and Sheena yesterday, it wasn't that great as I was expecting. For the first half of the movie, I was trying so very hard to figure out what they are trying to say until the later half. The movie was so long that I almost fell asleep! For a few times Aisha and me thought that the movie was going to end soon, but it continued! Went to Popular and Sans bookshop for a while before meeting up with Gerald for lunch at Centuary Square. I was not hungry and have not money with me; so I just sat and watched them eat. Poor souls, I forgot I had brunch and the rest had their breakfast at 9.30a.m! No wonder they were hungry.

Pei Shen's wedding today, I'm still troubled of what to wear and how I will look. LOL

Oh, it just cross my mind. How do you handle people around you that gives you stress? Don't talk to them, avoid them or simply put up with them? I have a friend (maybe there's more. but I can't recall now), who has been adding stress in my life. Indirectly. That person will keep repeating how he/she is so busy, so many things to do and so little time. You know, it's good to know that you are one busy person but you don't have to go around telling the whole world you are! As a close friend to you, it affects me even more! Sometimes I just find myself wanting to drift further from you. "Wah, I am so stress. So many things to do..." What's the point of taking up so many things and doing so many things that you don't have to do? In the end come telling the whole world (or maybe me) that you are so busy with things and stressed up? Didn't you asked for it? Busy, busy, busy. There's the right and wrong way of keeping yourself busy. Plus, so much for remembering your other best friends' birthday and getting them a present and not a piece of sh*t for me? Yeah, I appear not to be affected when you told me you're not getting anything for me; but damn it you forget I'm still a female! Fancy watching you give away present to others and nothing to me. So, this is what BEST friends are for? Thank you SO much.

DO I MAKE YOU PROUD

I've never been
The one to raise my hand
That was not meand now that's who I am
Because of you
I am standing tall

My heart is full
of endless gratitude
You were the one
The one to guide me through
Now I can see
And I believe
It's only just beginning

This is what we dream about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I've ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
Do I make you proud

Everybody needs to rise up
Everybody needs to be loved
To be loved

I HATE THE ONE LIVING INSIDE ME WHICH DO NOT BELONGS TO ME! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!

Da Vinci is SUCH A LONG movie to watch.

I admire how some people could express themselves with words that flow and understandable. Maybe, it's all about me wanting to impress people with my blogging. Reminder to myself again, I blog to leave a memory, so that in near future I can review what I have gone through. Yeah, that's my purpose of blogging :)

"Why" By: Nicole Nordeman

We rode into town the other day
Just me and my daddy
He said I'd finally reached that age
And I could ride next to him on a horse
That of course was not quite as wide

We heard a crowd of people shouting
And so we stopped to find out why
And there was that man that my dad said he loved
But today there was fear in his eyes

So I said daddy why are they screaming
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is he dressed in that bright purple robe?
I'll bet that crown hurts him more then he shows
Daddy please can't you do something?
He looks as though he's gonna cry
You said he was stronger then all of those guys
Daddy please tell me why?
Why does everyone want him to die?

Later that day the sky grew cloudy
And daddy said I should go inside
Somehow he knew things would get stormy
Boy was he right
But I could not keep from wondering
If there was something he had to hide
So after he left I had to find out
I was not afraid of getting lost
So I followed the crowds
To a hill where I knew men had been killed
And I heard a voice come from the cross

And it said father why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for my clothes?
This crown of thorns hurts me more then it shows
Father please can't you do something?
I know that you must hear my cry's
I thought I could handle a cross of this size
Father remind me why?
Why does everyone want me to die?
When will I understand why?

My precious sonI hear them screaming
I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming
But soon I will clothe you in robes of my own
Jesus this hurts me much more then you know
But this dark hour
I must do nothing
Though I've heard your unbearable cries
The power in your blood
Destroys all of the lies
Soon you'll see past their unmerciful lies
Look there below
See the child
Trembling by her father's side
Now I can tell you why
She is why you must die

Just a few days ago, Zeke, shared this song with me. It's even nice of him to show me the lyrics of the song. When I first heard it over the desktop's speaker, couldn't figure out what this songs means. The second time I heard it was from my MP3. Tears were rolling when I heard this song playing through my MP3. It srtike me, "God was hurt, and so was Jesus."

It always seems like I'm getting hurt or people around me was. I never thought that Jesus and even God was. Maybe it did once crossed my mind, but that didn't really matter until this song came about. I was just trying to imagine what it will be like for God to watch Jesus dying on the cross from Heaven and witnessing all that the enermies has done to His precious Son. Certainly it couldn't be a very nice feeling. If it's God will that Jesus don't have to take the cup; I'm sure Jesus won't want to suffer the way He had gone through. Who would? But Jesus was being obedience by fulfilling God's will and purpose.

With the Da Vinci code and gospel of judas getting popular, Jesus is coming soon too. God, let the heart of your children be frim and their faith be strong.

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day(Oooh.. a holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the bling
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong(yeah...)
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I

You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day


Sometimes all one need is some quiet time alone. Even the strong have their weakness; but what made them different is the ability to stand up and recharged when all their energy is gone. As I sat in the Main Hall prayer, God knew my strength was all gone. He knew I was tired and dishearted; He held on to me. Not like a naggy parent asking you what happen and all the "Whys"; God was quietly with me, catching the tears of mine. As I struggle with myself, He gave me strength to fight on.

Saturday evening, I sat on the floor arranging the "Big Mess" when this thought came to me, "What are you doing, Grace? Is it worth it?" Suddenly the past "feeling" came back and I remembered what used to happen when I was much younger, in Church. This afternoon while watching the kids' choir, it seem that what happened to me is happening again to someone. Though I appeared to have forgotten what was done and happened to me; I knew it was hidden so deep that some parts still remain. Sometimes I still get the feeling of being understood, dislike and left out.

Where to go after Church beside feeling like an "extra" in all the places that I can go in church? I don't have paitient like Lydia to handle the Kids' choir, can't teach music instuments, not really close to all the Church people. Asked about best friend in Church? I really wonder who treats me as one.

Faking a smile, telling myself to be strong; deep inside me I was hoping someone would notice and ask me what happen. Of course, if they do ask... Tears will fall. So, I'm not sure either to ask me or not to.

Again, felt extra at Church today. Went off on my own since Lydia and JY had their Macdonald's for lunch. Don't know where to go. Boarded the first bus I saw and it brought me to Parkway Parade. Through the journey, tears were rolling but I don't have any reason why I'm tearing. Walked around at Parkway and had lunch at Burger King. I used to being alone, I guess.

How I wish I can leave this country and start all over again. Maybe it's not as easy as said too. What I'm thinking, they don't seem to be. What I'm feeling, they don't felt it. What I'm going through, they don't have to. I asked for perfection, but they are easy going. I asked for discipline, but we are not. It's all me, me, me, me...

So, am I still looking forward to Church? Yes, cause it's God's house.

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ACTIONS SCRIPT, my next best friend. I'm so gonna love you...

This few days, I've been wondering whos birthday is coming. The day is so familar but yet so far from me. Then, I finally realised that it's Mary's birthday today! Happy Birthday, Mary! Though we contacted like 2 times through e-mail and blog, never talked to each other before; I still wanna wish you a blessed birthday. Busy with the vocal recording and production now? Remember to make time for rest.

Waiting for Gerald to finish his tutorial before we go for the GCC AGM. Went to help out a little at yesterday's rehearsal; the people there are enjoyable and fun to be with. Went to the big bookshop to shop for coloured papers and Farabi cut with with them! I'm gonna paper-cut you one day!! Wahaha..

On the reserved list for S2006, not confirm yet but at lease out of the 11; I was one of the 7 chosen! Still a chance of staying in Pacesetters. I thought I'm gonna get kicked out soon since I failed a subject and haven been turning up for events. Tresure the chance!

It's exciting to know that I might be helping out during SOP's event. Pris texted me yesterday asking if I;m still interested to help. Called Eden earlier on, but the sister wasn't in. Called later again. Boy, finally a backup choir for Singapore tour!!

Gotta start on my story boarding and revision for coming term test!!

Prayers workd, really! It happens so many time and God never fail to surprise me! So tired last night, and realise I haven finish my tutorial. I had a choice, to do or not to do. I sat down, half way reading the Bible, I prayed to God. There was this lazy feeling coming up that pushes me to sleep instead of doing what I have to do. I prayed and after a little while, I was refreshed a little. Unwillingly, took out my CMath and started on the tutorial. Write, write, write... then!! Noticed I made a lot of mistake and didn't really understand what I was doing! Threw away the two pages that I wrote and re-did them!! Boy, if it wasn't for God's grace; I won't have re-do the whole thing again! Although I didn't finish all the question; I'm glad I did and didn't give in to my laziness. Thank you, Jesus!

Oh, I just remembered. I was suppose to plan out the Praise and Worship teams during this break of mine; but it slipped my mind again :P Haa...

No Monday blues, I'm feeling normal; happy I guess? Why so when I have so many things to do? Storyboarding, drawings, teaching tuition, studying for coming term test, designing websites, video fliming, editing the video, coming up with new teams for Praise and Worship ministry and so on.God's grace, that's the answer! Started my morning with God, afternoon coming to meet Him and ending my day with God; isn't that wonderful or what? All of my days, I wanna dwell in God's presence! Since I cannot be in God's house 24/7, I can talk to Him and come to Him 24/7!

I didn't get the assignment to teach that 5 year old kid colouring; what a waste.

Grace is good under God's grace

A little while more and I'm off to teach my kid tuition. Primary 2; Math, English and Chinese. Such a poor thing, tuitioning at such a young age. No life. I didn't start tuition until I was like in primary four and it didn't help me at all. Instead, I failed my Math because of tuition! Guess what? Just yesterday, I recieve news that an agent is looking for an experience Art teacher to teach a 5 year old kid coluring! Get that, teaching a kid colouring? Do you need to teach someone to colour? Come on, where the freedom to express our feelings? Such a poor kid; I would like to have an assignment like this!!

Talked to the Toh siblings today about their roles in the Praise and Worship team. Cheryl was alright, it's just Leonard that I'm concern about. When I told him of the expectation that was expected from him, his face somehow changed. Well brother, it all meant well! If you can't commit yourself to God, you won't less commit to Church as well. Let it be a learning experience, all we are asking is you come to church for service and stay on. Quite simple :) No use playing and playing, when the whole purpose and focus is wrong. In the end, you can't excel and made everyone sad; worse thrash the whole worship (I'm being mean here). We always learn things the hard way, don't we? Meeting yesterday lasted from 1.30p.m to 4.30p.m; how many hours was that? 3 hours meeting!! Emotions were flying high and a fight almost broke out? Wahaha!! We learn from each other, bad points and good points. We learn to tolerate, accept and team work. Finally, took out 2 people from the worship leader team, now it's left to 3. Looks like there's some misunderstanding when I said that; well... people in Singapore cannot wait for one to finish their sentence before cutting in; it always happen. So, one will have to go "Wait, wait, wait. Let me finish!!"

Congrats to Pei Shen Lao Shi on his graduation from the Bible collage and his coming wedding. Double happiness! It quite the same case of Tong Yang and En Hua Lao Shi. They graduated, then married, stayed at the same person's place then later fly back to their own country. Mentioning them, yesterday was their 6th anniversary and their son is like 2 years old already. Time flies like superman wearing pink underwear.

Got to go, no time when I have so much to type!

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to mmmeeee.... Happy birthday to me!!

Well, here it comes and gonna go again. 18, grown up and leaving teenage years! Woke up this morning, expecting SMSes to flood my cellphone; but it didn't happened. Came out from bathroom and I got 7 SMS from friends who remembered my birthday and those asking me questions. Ate a small piece of cake that I bake for myself and family last night. Off to school I went.

It's quite disappointing in school today! Walking around, knowing that it's my birthday and things seem all so normal. First, friends that I thought they would remember my birthday would wish me; but they didn't. Haha, thanks Azri for remembering, which in turn reminded the ones sitting around me. My birthday is always so. Well, at lease people in my class remembered and some new friends too. It's great to know old friends still remembers my birthday :)

DIDN'T get any wishes from people I've known for the past 10 years, those that I meet every Saturday and Sunday. It just shows how much we care for each other.. Maybe birthdays had lost its meaning already? Not that I'm angry for not recieving anything from them; but.. well.. Haa.. Happy birthday to me anyway.

Miss those good old days where birthdays are still celebrated.

Dinner with Grandma, Aunt and Uncle later. Birthday!!

Start of the week, no Monday's blues! After two weeks of school, today is the first full Monday class. First week, the lecturer was not present for the lap and lecture. Second week, it was a public holiday and finally this week everything is normal. Took the RUP test just now, it wasn't as easy as what I thought it was. Praise God that we are allow to use the RUP program during the test! We were given an hour, but I guess most of us finished it within 45 mintues. Class ended early, half an hous earlier; that's why I have the time to blog now. Wahahaha...

Think it's time to change my blogskin again. Many people complained that they can't view my blog from their own desktop! Personally, I find my skin a little messy :P

Guess what? I made Grandma cry on Saturday!! That's so mean of me; oh gosh! Well, it all started when she asked about the PDF program that I have deleted. I thought it was not going to be use again, so I deleted it from the computer to save disk space. Then she said that I was being selfish! Of course, I reasoned with her. My weakness: Can't really take it when others comment on me (bad comments). Somehow I raise my voice and we started quarelling :X... Long long story; but I'm glad everything is alright now. Grace, really got to change.

Birthday celebration this Wednesday with my family members! Si Yun wanted to book me on that day, but too late.. my family came first! Wahaha.. Besides Si yun, Dad is trying to book my time to bring me out for dinner. Busy week ahead of me!! Tuitioning that kid this week and Kim Choon is back on the third week! Tuitoring Kim Choon takes a lot of me!!

Every body is changing their cellphone around me; it's gonna be my turn soon! Wait till I get my pay from that cafe, monthly allowance from church, pay from tuitoring the young kid and Kim Choon. My cellphone value is dropping fast; gotta get it off hand! Mom was asking me why must I change phone once every year or two. Well, cellphone is like an investment! After a year or so, change it to keep the value of your cellphone high! If you didn't change your cellphone after a long time, the value will drop and if you wanna trade in to a better model; you got to pay more! Haaaa.. logic.

My voice is so sexy now. Thanks to Adeline @#%&@$%^#

Projects, projects, projects.. Term test coming soon..

God's blessings on: Shirly, Chang Chi, Cindy, David and Gracy, SOP, Church, Shirly's pastor, myself, family people and many many more.. Take care yeah..

Went town today with some church mates; although didn't buy anything, we chatted a lot! JY and Aaron bought some tee-shirts for 50 bucks each; that's madness to me! Some brand from UK, simple looking tee-shirt, huge in size and very expensive. Can't believe a 30 bucks looking jacket can cost 999 bucks! You will never find me buying such stuff. EC once said such things don't last. I do agree with her. It's like, how many times can you go back to the shop to buy the shirts, bags or jeans? If you are one that's super rich; it's another case.

Couldn't reach the high notes today, losing my voice. Praise God I am still able to lead Praise and Worship. Still coughing...

SWEN test on RUP tomorrow, haven study for it. Gonna study for them later after shower. Eunice were laughing at me when I told her I'm siming for Director's list. She gave me a comment that somehow didn't hurt me but pushed me on. She said, " What Director's list? You took sub papers before!" Yeah.. so what if I took sub papers before? The past doesn't equal to the future! Put your past behind and press on towards the goal God has called me unto. Like what Pastor Dennis mention in WNW, "Allow your past to help draw you closer to God!"

Quite a number of things to do. CMSK3 oral presentation rehearsal, STMD story boarding, INMM story boarding, SWEN test, arrange song files, meeting on Saturday, teaching tuition on Wednesday and Sunday..

Give me strength, God. Change me, to change this world!

Baby J looks cute. Babies are all so cute and innocent. Better enjoy the moment before they turn into little monsters! Brother David and Sister Gracy, add oil! Oh yeah, happy to see Shin in church again. Miss that little boy and his brother. Babies :)

Another week has ended, it's gonna be week three of school soon! Projects are dueing and term test coming! Boy, this term is moving on fast! So far, I'm coping well! Praise God, attended almost all my lectures except for some CMath1 since what they are teaching now is managable :P

Darn, someone just passed her cough to me! I just recover not too long ago and now it's back. Argg!! God has been good, in fact always good in all the weeks and days! I was getting so tired in reading the Bible one night and wanted to just sleep and do everything tomorrow; knowing that I don't have the time. Somehow, after I clear that thought of my mind; I suddenly became refreshed! So, I manage to finish my tutorial and quiet time with God. When I was about to sleep, I was getting tired to pray; but again it happened! As soon as the thought got over me, I was refreshed again! This has happened for a few times!! God is indeed my strength eh?

GC Shanghai is posted up. I really wanted to go at first, with the fare of only $800. But today just found out that it was $1400!! $600 more!! Oh my goodness... At first I thought I could save enough for the fare if it's $800. Well, even when it was $800 I had my worries also. God heard and felt my worries and He answered to them. On the way home, I listened to SOP's sermon; God spoke to me through that. Pastor Dennis mention, " Often we made decisions with fear. Have we forgotten that God mention that He is the provider of all?" This sentence really hit me. I was like, "Yeah? God is our provider!" God made so many promises to us; we say we know and remember. But during those hard times, we forgotten those promises! Had a great sharing session with Joycelyn in the taxi today; I shared with her this and she agreed too. God is a simple God, don't make Him complex. Believe with simple faith, don't doubt! That's just so simple but we humans made it so complex; especially those in developed countries.

Again, people around me are saying it's so hard to be this and that, to do this and that. But have you ever wonder that all we need to do is just let go and let God? The way you talk to yourselves and the way you think affects you. Remember the great difference between " Try to" and "Do your best to"??

Brother David's and Sister Gracy's Baby Joycelyn is born! Born in the same month as me; May babies are a blessings! By the way, reminding again--->Grace's Birthday is coming!! 10th May!! Hahahaha...

I really want to go for Shanghai study trip. Anyone to sponsor me? S$1400.

Gonna have dinner with Dad and Mom at the Bedok later; Mom wanna get herself a microwave oven and think I can offer some advice.

My first birthday gift from the class; heavy and nice. I wonder where I will put it. Guess what? When I return home; I found it under my bed! Must be Dad who did it :P

Read from some classmates' blog that they aren't happy with the celebration. Well, it was kinda normal for me. Happy that they did made an effort to remember that it's the April's and May's birthday.

Hey, people!! My birthday is coming soon!! 10th of May alright!? Haa.. *Grace is not SHY to remind you that her birthday is coming*

I can't believe I slept my holiday away! I slept at 1a.m on Monday's morning and woke up at 11a.m; then slept again at 2p.m till 6.30p.m and later from 10p.m to 10.30a.m! Grace can sleep; take that note down.

On Sunday, we had the long awaited BBQ at Eunice's place. It didn't happened as what I wanted it to be *Sheesh* The youths were singing in the Karaoke room and the adults haveing their own chats at the pit. Where's the bonding that I wanted to acheive? Alright, there's a tiny winny little bit of bonding.

Alright, someone has just left the church and I think it affected some people. It wasn't really a shock to me; I knew someday she will go. Who knows who will be the next one that we never expect? Life in the youth ministry is full of ups and downs. In times I looked forward to the lunch gathering and the coming together; sometimes I just hope things can change a little. For all the conversation we had on the church, the pastors and the people.. I wonder how many times the conversation did "come true". Well, most of the time we just mentioned it and it was forgotten. From a certain number of people, what they mention and what they carry out through their actions is totally poles apart. Someone can tell me how unhappy they are with certain things, but no action can be seen from them; get what I mean?

What we used to talk about, the things we discussed in meetings.. seems to be useless. Seldome carried out or should I say NEVER? Well, make it "seldom" or maybe "failed-to-carry-out-action". For example the Bible reading thing; is it working in the ministry? How many of us are following the reading plan as given? Maybe one or two? Do the teachers cared? Come on, we have 2 youth teachers and 1 youth pastor in the ministry; but I think their presence is USELESS. Understood that two of them is busy with Bible studies and one with work; what about us then? We are like little chilren left to walk in front of them, when we fall and hurt ourselves then they will come and lecture us, " See lah! Told you not to wander around. Arg, now fall down liao!"---> You know the usual asian "lectures" that will come from the parent's mouth if their child fall and hurt themselves.

I know non of us in the committee is a good leader; we all have our weakness. But I really hope that even thought we have our own weakness, we can still help each other in one way or another. Like an example, JY reminding me to come up with the time slot for Praise and Worship for the month of May! So far, I guess I can only interact with some people in the committee lah!!

I really wonder where will this church be in 5 years time?

Strangly, the thought of leaving the church I'm in is not longer coming into my mind; at lease not leaving as long as I'm in Singapore. I guess the time I'll leave the church is the time I'm leaving Singapore.