The Grace in Grace

Lessons ended at 7p.m but I'm still sitting in the school library thinking if I should go home or just borrow a book. Well, guess I'm still not use to going back early to my parents' place. It's funny.

I was suppose to get my blood test result today but the clinic didn't call. I was waiting the whole day for the news! I asked Dad what his' and Mom's blood type and he hestitanted to tell me. I kept asking and eventually he told me it wa A+, both of them. But if I didn't remember wrongly, Mom should be an O type. Oh well...

I always finds it hard to arrange for a common time for Priase and Worship practice when it comes to my turn. I just wonder, do the rest of the worship leaders get the same problems too or is it just me? So many times I get upset with this issue; cause I have to keep changing my time and maybe even cause others to be irritated too.

Recently I did some thinking about my church, not a lot; just a tiny little. About the churchies and what happened over the years. Si Yun commented to me on my church and what she thought about some of us; which I think I somehow agreed to. Well, like what PS said to me, " We serve God, not people."

A lot of times it's easier to say then to do. Often we tell those without faith to have faith. Those who need advices to pray and those who are sad to cheer up. How many times do those words really help? When you're lacking in faith, do you really need someone to tell you to have faith when you know you should? When you need advices, do you really need someone to tell you, "Pray to God and seek His way."?

I guess what I need when I approach people with problems is to give me your ideas and your advice. They can leave the model answers at the back for signing off. By the way, do we take time to listen nowadays or simply brushed them off with, "Orh, I'll pray for you." And by saying that do we really pray?

I am a dreamer, so many dreams I have in my lfie. But I wonder how many friends and family members knew about it. Maybe it was me who didn't share.
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Last sunday's youth service topic was about our past and how it affects us. I thought about my past, how dark and unhappy it was. But then I realise it was the past! If I kept thinking that as dark and gloomy; it will forever be. Yes, had to admit that my childhood wasn't really that great compared to others; but God replaces what I didn't have with something else.

I'm an introvert, yes I am. People just find me quiet and kept to myself. I don't know how close friends find me, but that's what people often say. I guess it is related to my past. I appear confidence, but inside me I'm quite fragil. I'm afraid of being commented on. And when I got commented on, I want it to be good. I dislike people talking about me behind their back if it's bad. I am sensative to advices given to me. I care about what people think about me. I care about what others are going to say about me. I want attention and feel important. I want rank, recognision and people to trust me. I want to be out-going but I'm afriad to. I want to care, but I'm afraid to. I want to share my problems but I'm afraid to. I want to talk, but I'm afriad to.

Over the years, I have been trying to over come this. First is the ego issue which I'm still working on. Well.. I read it somewhere.. the author wrote. "Lord, I commit all my thoughts, good and bad unto you."

Give me time people, to be the real me. Give me time to walk out of my past. I don't want my past to haunt me, but using it as a testimony to help others.
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So many trips going on in the month of March and April. So far, if every thing goes right I will be going to Shanghai for my Global Citizen. So if you need anything, just let me know :)

Meanwhile, I will be bringing back some gifts for people who reads my blog! I'll post the details later. Got to run, even the school library is closing...