Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Pictures!! The Thanksgiving lunch was not at all good. The speakers were horrible, Cheryl and me sounds weird and the people giving their testimonies? Not bad I can say, but the speakers made it bad. Can we change location?
Countdown at Wan's place as usual; but I wonder will it be the same place next year.. *sight* I'm reading Lao Fu Zi :P Childhood favorite and still loving it now. So what if I like them?
Some random shots.. Sian Dan Chao Ren!
Grandma, with her Victory hand and smile :B
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Like I say, 2007 seems exciting and happening. Indeed it's going to be! I'll be doing my year 3 in polytechnic, going for attachment (hopefully on board Doulos!), travelling and etc etc.. One more thing; CHANGES!
Yes, this year seem to have a lot of changes going on. First, no more youth fellowship (change to youth service on Sunday). Then I just recieve a quite shocking news that almost all the youth MIGHT change church! How could that be? Let me show you a formula:
L=JY=A=(E+W)=(LEO+C)=S=.... ... ....
When one leave, the rest will just start. In the end like what Ern says "Left you alone to play with your dog" Actually it's Aunty Florence's dog.
Well, naturally when one goes the rest will follow. I have the urge also; but is it correct? Which Church am I gonna go to? What ministry can I serve in? Will I adapt? Starting all over again? What about my Doulos dream? What about what about what about what about....10+ years in Church.. WHY? I felt so afraid and sad suddenly. 2007 already. 10+ years of friendship, *poof*? I know some might not have taken me as a friend, just a church mate on Sunday; but I cherished those moments; happy and sad. But God, if it's so.. I'm unwilling to let go. Let it be in Your will, and I will obey.
Another quesation: When are my wounds in this Church gonna heal? These few days I kept recalling what happened in the past.. Moments I was mocked, look down, laugh at, ignored.. Moments where all gathered and I was left all alone with the adults. Moments where all the kids bond together but I'm not inside. Moments where others are talking behind my back. Moments where they treat me nicely when they needed me and not when they don't.
I knew from the start I couldn't fit in. All because of a few reason and one main one was my size. Fat people always get the cold shoulders and treated differntly. Fat people always something for others to talk about. Fat people are always the outcasted. Fat people are 'not' normal. Fat people can't have too many normal friends, the only friends they can have are fat people. Fat people can't wear nice clothes. Fat people can't do a lot of things. Fat people are always viewed as the strongest. Fat people are often made fun of. Fat people often get hurt. Fat people's wound takes longer time to heal because whenever it start to heal, someone or people would make it worse. Fat people. I'm one of them since I can remember. My fault? Maybe. Been inside for so long, I just want to let it out. That's what I feel. Tell me if I'm wrong. Don't say it just because you want to make me happy. I want the truth. Where has my confidence been? Where has my zeal been? I tried so hard to be strong; but in the end.. I'm still beaten by this FAT PEOPLE issue.
I just need to be stronger. (Wipe away tears. I will be stronger with each tear I cry) I'm just too sensative at times.
500+ a month, can my present church afford it? Will they be willing to sponsor? Is there any strings attached? Seriously now, I don't feel like working full-time for the church if I had to. No.
Haiz.. How God? It's only the second day of the year!
If we were given one more try; will things be different?
Countdown at Wan's place as usual; but I wonder will it be the same place next year.. *sight* I'm reading Lao Fu Zi :P Childhood favorite and still loving it now. So what if I like them?
Some random shots.. Sian Dan Chao Ren!
Grandma, with her Victory hand and smile :B
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Like I say, 2007 seems exciting and happening. Indeed it's going to be! I'll be doing my year 3 in polytechnic, going for attachment (hopefully on board Doulos!), travelling and etc etc.. One more thing; CHANGES!
Yes, this year seem to have a lot of changes going on. First, no more youth fellowship (change to youth service on Sunday). Then I just recieve a quite shocking news that almost all the youth MIGHT change church! How could that be? Let me show you a formula:
L=JY=A=(E+W)=(LEO+C)=S=.... ... ....
When one leave, the rest will just start. In the end like what Ern says "Left you alone to play with your dog" Actually it's Aunty Florence's dog.
Well, naturally when one goes the rest will follow. I have the urge also; but is it correct? Which Church am I gonna go to? What ministry can I serve in? Will I adapt? Starting all over again? What about my Doulos dream? What about what about what about what about....10+ years in Church.. WHY? I felt so afraid and sad suddenly. 2007 already. 10+ years of friendship, *poof*? I know some might not have taken me as a friend, just a church mate on Sunday; but I cherished those moments; happy and sad. But God, if it's so.. I'm unwilling to let go. Let it be in Your will, and I will obey.
Another quesation: When are my wounds in this Church gonna heal? These few days I kept recalling what happened in the past.. Moments I was mocked, look down, laugh at, ignored.. Moments where all gathered and I was left all alone with the adults. Moments where all the kids bond together but I'm not inside. Moments where others are talking behind my back. Moments where they treat me nicely when they needed me and not when they don't.
I knew from the start I couldn't fit in. All because of a few reason and one main one was my size. Fat people always get the cold shoulders and treated differntly. Fat people always something for others to talk about. Fat people are always the outcasted. Fat people are 'not' normal. Fat people can't have too many normal friends, the only friends they can have are fat people. Fat people can't wear nice clothes. Fat people can't do a lot of things. Fat people are always viewed as the strongest. Fat people are often made fun of. Fat people often get hurt. Fat people's wound takes longer time to heal because whenever it start to heal, someone or people would make it worse. Fat people. I'm one of them since I can remember. My fault? Maybe. Been inside for so long, I just want to let it out. That's what I feel. Tell me if I'm wrong. Don't say it just because you want to make me happy. I want the truth. Where has my confidence been? Where has my zeal been? I tried so hard to be strong; but in the end.. I'm still beaten by this FAT PEOPLE issue.
I just need to be stronger. (Wipe away tears. I will be stronger with each tear I cry) I'm just too sensative at times.
500+ a month, can my present church afford it? Will they be willing to sponsor? Is there any strings attached? Seriously now, I don't feel like working full-time for the church if I had to. No.
Haiz.. How God? It's only the second day of the year!
If we were given one more try; will things be different?# . Grace Eleora Loo : 1/02/2007 11:36:00 PM
