The Grace in Grace

2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weekness"

I've been holding on to this verse; it has become a source of comfort and strength for me. I'm not strong on the inside, although I am on the outside. But sometimes, the one that appears to be strong on the outside is actually very week on the inside. I'm one of them; I admit that.

Fear drove me to tears just now, fear or what? I can't even answer to that question. I guess I just didn't want to study, didn't want to face the upcoming exams. I wanted to take a nap before I study for the exam tomorrow, but I could sleep. When I was on bed, I was hit by fear. Didn't know why, but tears just came out. I cry out to God that I'm not strong, I don't want to study.. I played the songs in from my CD, and from that.. God comforted me. I thought of the above verse, and yes.. God's power is made perfect in my weekness. It's only through time of pain, sadness, sorrows.. I experience God the most. Through the valley of shawdows, He walked with me. When I couldn't see the way ahead, He held my hands; telling me things will be alright. With God by my side, what's there for me to be afraid of?

Easier said that done; I know. But, blessed are the ones who held on, who fought the fight of faith. Nothing is every easy before it is difficult. If you were to live a life without worries, fears, sorrows, pains.. How then will you learn what life really is? People often prayed for a life without worries, without sorrows, without pain, just live it happily and that's it. Who wouldn't want that? I wanted that kind of life too.. But coming to think about it, will it be meaningfull? Life is going to be so boring, my relationship with God wouldn't be deep also. Through tears, we see the vision of the cross; through pain, we see the grace of God; through sorrows, we learn to run to God; through hurt and loses, we learn to forgive and cherish.

Coming to where I am today, hasn't been easy. Wasn't easy, but I have brave and made it through. Come what may in my life, I will face it with the strength from God and win the race for God. I may have said it many times before, but achieveing it isn't easy. Reading through my past entries, I have seen how I have fallen and got lifted up again. God's grace is sufficient for me.

Looking at how brothers and sisters serve the Lord, it pushed me even more to want to serve God more. Each and everyone has a different destiny, and God is going to use each of us. For the first time in church, I have a passion to want to help out in the children's choir. Naughty, but Jesus loves little children. Have a little more patient and smile more. I agree with what Siang Qing Lao Shi said, to influence someone is not that easy.

EC told me this before. Each time she speaks, she cannot make sure that she can influence or touch the hearts of many; but even if she were to touch one heart, she would have felt she has done something. This reminds me of my last sunday's praise and worship service. I was the worship leader, and I had started preparing for it days ago. From the start, I told myself this worship is going to be for God and it's going to be wonderful. I felt God's presence while preparing for the worship. I read the Bible and God has given me testimony to share that sunday. On that day, Steph came late. I thought she wasn't coming; I got tense up, and started preparing for the worse. I prayed.. Steph came just in the nick of time. My mood for the worship was somehow affected, but I commit all to the Lord. During the worship, it wasn't exactly what I expected. I saw teachers yawning, brothers and sisters talking.. It was discouraging, but I know a few was actually worshipping God. I didn't think I did my best, but still my purpose of leading the worship is to being brothers and sisters to God. At the end of class, Sam came and told me that he was touched by the service and it was one of the best. I was happy. Just like what EC said, even when I can only touch one soul; I felt I have done something, not because I spend days preparing, but because I brough him to God, close to God. I'm looking forward to leading again, bringing them to God.

I hope to spread my zeal, passion for God to others; so that they may experience God like the way I do, or even more. Like what Dia said before, all things take time :)

Had a chat with Sian Qing Lao Shi today, shared with her what I think of the children's choir and the ways it can be improved. Also, I shared with her the calling from God. She offered me some advices and I think it's worth taking. Didn't know there's a team in Singapore like Stream of Praise also. I'll do my best to get their contact and see where I go from there. Haven got a chance to talk to Andgelita, try again next week.

I love spending time with mature people, be it matured christians, or adults. I love to hear of their experiences and advices. Listening to them, you can learn. You'll get to know about their mistakes that they committed and how they over come them. The Good Lord has placed a lot of such people in my life too :)

Alright, I have quite a lot to study for tomorrow. All unto the Lord, whatever grades I get.. It's for God. Amen