The Grace in Grace

My heart was broken for a moment today at work.. Seriously, I don't look forward to working each time; I don't know why. I tried so hard to meet her standard, but each time I just can't seem to. I know I'm not that fast, not that able and unsure about work and preparation.. But, I'm trying so very hard. I can feel my heart break that moment when that manager said those words. " You have been working here for 1 or 2 months, why are you still asking me? You can't work like that!" A few simple sentence, but it pierce through my heart. My heart sank, very much wanted to cry; but I held on to tears. Is it my fault? I'm slow; much slower than other people, maybe the slowest of all the people you have employed. But, can't you see I am doing my best each time?

Yeah.. I know maybe my looks detest you, maybe because I'm fat..But I really want you to know.. each time, I give my all.

I feel so useless. As compared to others, I'm slow. I'm not very sure of what to do, I'm not fast in my actions. I even need a new comer to teach me what to do. Boy, how bad can it get? Why am I isolated during dinner time? Why am I doing the job of two person? Why do you compare me with others?

Looks like the SOP cell group couldn't be formed since Winnie will be busy and can't commit.

How? Lord, You tell me how? You gave me this calling, You want me to answer it.. I want to and I am! But Lord.. how? I approach people but Lord, none showed me interest. They thought that I'm joking with them! Lord, can I do anything great for You? I know I can't expect results overnight, but Lord.. at least show me some hope. I'm weak, I don't have the strangth to hold on. I'm tired of praying to You, telling myself that You will give me strength even when i don't have it. I'm tired of telling myself that I can make it, tired of telling myself to hold on..

Lord, I'm scared... It's so hard to walk with You..

I'm holding on to You, but...