The Grace in Grace

Yesterday wasn't the best day. Got the news that Doulos was full and I wasn't talking to Freddy. The feelings sucked to the core. Many times when we pray, we say that we want God's will done and not ours. No matter what happen, we want to obey. But, when things happened the way we didn't expect or the way we didn't wanted; we can't help but feel angry and sad. That happened to me. Like a child who didn't get my toy that I have been eyeing for; I asked God why?

Pastor Sun's call made it worse; the call made me feel like I've caused trouble for the Church. I wasn't planning to tell Pastor Sun about the Doulos problem until Sunday, at least I still have a hope of going until Sunday! When he called, asking how was the Doulos thing going on; I somehow had difficulty telling him that the program was full. Was it his tone, or is it just me.

Bought my comfort food, yogurt, before I went home. That odd to make me feel better and it did! At night when I took out my syringe for the props; it brought back some memories. Looking at it brought back fear, sadness and also a sense of happiness.

Gone are those times that I have to inject myself half hour before meals, 2 times a day. Gone are those times looking for the ideal spot to poke the needle in. Gone are those times that I need to look for a place clean and private enough to have my injection when I'm outside. Gone are those days that with each needle I poke, my heart skip a beat. I'm sure glad gone are those times!! But it was those times that brought me so close to God, closer than I've ever been before. I recall those moments I cry myself to sleep, asking God has He forgotten me. I recall those days, those daaaaays.. Ahahaha!! Looking back, it's a blessing in the midst of the storm. The sight of insulin and needle scares me now. But I will not be afraid!! I've been through and done that.. Come what may! I'm stronger now, yes I am!
“This is my now” (Lyrics)

There was a time I packed my dreams away.
Living in a shell, hiding from myself.

There was a time when I was so afraid.
I thought I’d reached the end,
Baby that was then
I am made of more than my yesterdays.

This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubts
That was then, this is my now.

Had to decide
was I going to play it safe
or look somewhere deep in inside
try to turn the tide
and find the strength to take that step of faith

This is my now,and I am breathing in the moment.
I look around I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubts.
That was then, this is my now.

And I have the courage
like never before, yeah.
I’ve settled for less but I’m ready for more,
Ready for more.

This is my now I’m living in the moment
As I look around I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubts.
That was then, this is my now.

I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around
Can’t believe the love I see
My fears behind me,gone are the shadows and doubts
That was then.

This is my now.
This is my now.