The Grace in Grace

Last weekend was ADEX. Imelda got me 10 tickets and I manage to bring her there into the diver's world. But all that woman care were the good-looking guys around. Bought board shorts and rashies, my very first diving gear! Quite a lot of divers around. We send down for a couple of talks, walked round and round before heading to girlfriend's place to chill. Oh, did I forget to mention the oh-so-sinfully-delicious laksa steamboat? But bloody expensive though.

Don't know how, but we started talking about Logos Hope. I had great fun telling them ship's stories and all the rules we had to follow. Sounds tough, but actually when you're in it... it's not that hard. More of like self-discipline and setting the focus right.

I hope girlfriend will give Logos Hope's STEP some serious thinking. I wait for you on the ship, then I can be your BIG sister :DMet on Monday to do some website work. Went for a swim, been a zillion years since I last swam. Diving do not count as swimming. I had girlfriend's jet fins on and woooohooo, I'm fining much faster then the fastest swimmer there; gliding through with ease. Finally got our ass out of the water and head to her house to get some work done.
Somehow or another, this reminds me of.. Moray eel?
There's the pretty sunshine!

I can't wait to dive again this Thursday.. TIOMAN!!

Weekend came too slow and gone too fast. The whole week we look forward to weekend, only to be over and done with in 2 days. How irony. But we are still always looking forward to it, don't we :)

Saturday was sleep- in day, woke up at 2.30p.m (woots!). Lazed awhile, watched some TV, before heading out to meet Dawn for Ben's birthday present. That lost woman didn't know how to drive to Bedok from Pasir Ris! Spend like an hour for/at the car park lots. There are zillions of people out there during weekends! By the time we reach Ben's place, it's 7ish, to think that we met at 4ish.

Ben's cupcake party was nice. Good seafood, sashimi, ice cream, cupcakes and people! That was my Saturday :)

I wanted to wake up earlier for Church, at least for once in the longest time make it to worship on time. Plan failed. BUT! For the longest time ever, I paid attention during sermon (though not 100%). Went down for tea, catch up awhile with the youths before waiting for Gloria and Ben to pick me up to GMC. Their 15-20mins lasted at least 30 mins. I had to text girlfriend that the sun was setting before she said, "OK! 2 minutes!"

Late for her Church's worship session too :P Went back to girlfriend's place, crashed her room, changed, before heading to Balestia Road for some food. Picked up Eugene from his pool session. Boy... when I saw the pool and the tanks, I wanted so much to grab one and dive. It wasn't too long ago I was doing my pool session.
Bloody hot that day.. But look at the very happy instructor. PADI has it right, divers are happy people :D
The master instructor giving some packing advice.
Then, Ben, the birthday boy decided to show us how strong he is. Yeah lah, you can carry 2 tanks at one go lah..Head back to Eugene's place, unpacked a little and then we drove out to Cheesecake cafe. Nice ambiance, freaking high prices; 5 of us managed to cover a $90 bill. Went back to Nua-bai; I worked on the website, Grace worked on her thesis.
Taffy: "You come... come closer.. come any closer and I'll tear your face! MUHAHAHAHA!"
Must be the most nua cat I've ever seen. Kicked her out from the bed, but she always comes back up to nap.. doesn't matter how many of us were already on the bed.
Gloria and Ben came back to join us after their dinner.. and they bought ICE CREAM!
So did Dawn and Lance who came to join in the fun.. Look at poor Dawn, still marking on a Sunday night.
Oh well, that's my weekend. Apart from Church, this is what weekend is about. I want more weekends like this... and the next weekend is coming in... 3 more days!

Father,

My soul is downcast. I know the direction I want to go and where you have called me to, but I'm afraid. How am I to break the news to my family, how am I going to explain everything to them? Lord, you know what I'm afraid of, running away from and what needs to be reconcile.

Time and time again I ask for your assurance, you gave them to me. But Father, I am of little faith, please give me more assurance. The application deadline is July, a mere 3 months to finalize the decision. I want to go, Lord; but is it your will or mine? Lord, give me courage, knowledge and wisdom to handle what's coming.

I'm discouraged, Lord. I find myself holding back at scrums, not pushing myself hard enough; to the point I'm giving up. It was good opportunity to play in the 10s, but Lord, I felt like I was of no use. No stamina, no skills; what am I, Lord, a burden?

I wasn't made to give in, I wasn't made to give up. But Lord, I am tired. My soul is dry, my physical strength is low, emotionally I'm almost a wreck. Lord, I need to feel your power renew. Tell me how, teach me how.

The perfect friendship should come from you, Lord. Looking for it in humans may just bring me heartaches. Teach me not to rush, but to take time just as I needed time. Let me be myself, who you have created me to be and not be another person. I don't have to live in their shadow, I don't have to walk in their footprint; for I believe that the path you laid out for me is in your perfect plan.

Walk ahead of me, Lord. Guide me with your light and wisdom. Let my heart not be harden and not hear the very voice from you. Just a few more months, Oh Lord. Let me hang on and wait for you. I shall then rise on eagle's wing.

I want to trust in, Lord. Let me do so. Take away things that doesn't come from you. Bring me anything that will bring you glory. Keep me strong and keep me in sight.

May your will be done, as it is in heaven and on earth.

Amen.

不知道自己在害怕什么， 也不知道为何担忧。我想要的到底是什么？我还在寻找吗？我还在徘徊的边缘吗？那莫名的恐惧为何占据了我。。。

After walking endlessly in Orchard and AMK Hub, I finally found Dopie! And to think I was so near yet so far from it. I was at Heeren the other day looking for this weird looking flip flop. I didn't know the name, the brand; I could only remember where I last saw it.

But damn, I can't remember exactly where I last saw it. I know it was in Orchard, but Orchard has so many bloody shopping malls and girlfriend was overseas, can't call to ask.

I was giving up my search in AMK (Ning say she saw it there) when I turned into this lane of shops blocked from the renovations. For the first time I saw some hope of finding that flip flop. I looked and looked and looked.. that hope fading away. And so, I asked the shop keeper, trying my best to describe the weird looking flip flop. Hope came back again; Heeren!

Wasn't cheap man.. but after reading the reviews, I hope it's gonna worth the money. I took off the strap and took a walk around school, still getting use to it. I'm used to walking in silence, Dopie without strap made it hard to do so.. I can't really embush with this flip flop anymore :(

Let me fall in love with Dopie!

Train harder, Grace. Push yourself, have more will power. We lost this time, you are only a small fly in the team; but you can do your part well. I should be more disciplined.

Get well soon, Wing.

Damn, another player down.

There's no agenda, no specific thing I want to blog about. So, here goes.. It might not make much sense to you if you aren't part of me :D

Students were never on time, so that gave me some moments alone to bask in the sun at my favorite spot. As I was looking at the kids play dotch ball, it reminded me of the good old times back in secondary school's PE lesson. Looking through girlfriend's yearbook last night made me regret not keeping good copies of them. The sun was nice, bright and warm. Then out of nowhere a plane appeared in the midst of those dense clouds.. It brought me back to those boarding planes moments. I enjoyed the journey walking from the departure hall to gate, the feeling was indescribable. Minus the waiting time to board the plane, seats that's almost 90 degrees straight; all else was nice. For long flights, the movies was what I stayed awake for and occasionally the food cart. I want to fly again, long flights that is.. Back to Europe?

I've been wanting to get out of the house after work since Monday, but it didn't happen till yesterday because there was training. So, finally I was not my way home after work and actually looked forward to meet a friend after training. I was quite disappointed when the meet up canceled, after all I would love to show some care and concern. Not that I'm a very good friend, or offer good advices all the time. Most time I sit and listen, or just stay by the person's side. I don't know, that was the best I could give. I'm not good with words and I'm afraid the things I said wouldn't make sense..but let me sit beside you.. You can go ahead ramble, remain silence, hit me, cry, do whatever you want.. I'll just be beside. Maybe to that person, my presence wouldn't be that all important, but if it could make you feel a little better.. that would make my day.. Call that simple happiness or stupidity.

Many times I felt misunderstood. I'm not expressive and I'm not the talking one. My support, care, concern, love and whatsoever comes in the silent way.. Just so hard.. I need a friend that understand that, besides Jesus. I should learn to be more expressive, but yet I'm still afraid.. Actually, WHY SHOULD I BE AFRAID OF WHAT PEOPLE THINK? I should be MYSELF, not someone they want me to be. Keep that in mind, Grace. The best friend(s) will come by soon.. Not that I don't have friends around me, but just that special friend I have always wanted.. since I can remember.

I seriously need to open up more..

I'm tired.

I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from it's sunshine,
For it's skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.

Refrain
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.

I don't know about tomorrow,
It may bring me poverty;
But the One Who feeds the sparrow,
Is the One Who stands by me.
And the path that be my portion,
May be through the flame or flood,
But His presence goes before me,
And I'm covered with His blood.
________________________________________________________________
The perfect timing could only come from God.

The letter was long forgotten, ask me about it and I will tell you it didn't existed in my memory. But yet when I picked it up last Saturday, it was all so familiar. Barely a month after I return from Logos II, Imelda made me write a letter to myself. When will it be posted; she didn't say and I didn't ask. But for sure when I wrote that letter I wanted to encourage myself to purge on, no matter where I will be in life. As I read the letter and saw the date on top, gosh.. it's been nearly 2 years!

For the past few days I was rather nostalgic. Looking at my own ship's photographs, browsing through Logos Hope's picture; made me wanna pack up and go.

I am of little faith, I need assurance. God has always been faithful, time and time again He gave me the assurance I needed. The letter came at the right time.

Logos Hope; would you support me?

It's Saturday! And finally it's a Saturday without events, diving or whatever things going on... Woohooo! That could only mean...

I can..

sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep

till afternoon!

Then it's meeting :D

Sunday is Church Easter preparation, training and maybe meeting again.

But all I care now is sleeeeeeeeeeep.. ok, at least till I finish my rugby "tuition" with the pro first.

As I googled through the web looking at Logos Hope pictures, it brought me back to 2007's summer. Out of the blue I applied to go for Doulos' Step but in the end, I ended up on Logos II instead. That year was unforgettable, that 2 months was the best so far. And so, I thought I will be back on the ship pretty soon. I was into my final semester in polytechnic, I talked through my parents to let me go for 2 years... Then things change, plans change.