The Grace in Grace

Father,

My soul is downcast. I know the direction I want to go and where you have called me to, but I'm afraid. How am I to break the news to my family, how am I going to explain everything to them? Lord, you know what I'm afraid of, running away from and what needs to be reconcile.

Time and time again I ask for your assurance, you gave them to me. But Father, I am of little faith, please give me more assurance. The application deadline is July, a mere 3 months to finalize the decision. I want to go, Lord; but is it your will or mine? Lord, give me courage, knowledge and wisdom to handle what's coming.

I'm discouraged, Lord. I find myself holding back at scrums, not pushing myself hard enough; to the point I'm giving up. It was good opportunity to play in the 10s, but Lord, I felt like I was of no use. No stamina, no skills; what am I, Lord, a burden?

I wasn't made to give in, I wasn't made to give up. But Lord, I am tired. My soul is dry, my physical strength is low, emotionally I'm almost a wreck. Lord, I need to feel your power renew. Tell me how, teach me how.

The perfect friendship should come from you, Lord. Looking for it in humans may just bring me heartaches. Teach me not to rush, but to take time just as I needed time. Let me be myself, who you have created me to be and not be another person. I don't have to live in their shadow, I don't have to walk in their footprint; for I believe that the path you laid out for me is in your perfect plan.

Walk ahead of me, Lord. Guide me with your light and wisdom. Let my heart not be harden and not hear the very voice from you. Just a few more months, Oh Lord. Let me hang on and wait for you. I shall then rise on eagle's wing.

I want to trust in, Lord. Let me do so. Take away things that doesn't come from you. Bring me anything that will bring you glory. Keep me strong and keep me in sight.

May your will be done, as it is in heaven and on earth.

Amen.