Saturday, December 04, 2010
Relink!
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
“思绪不断阻挡着回忆播放，盲目的追寻仍然空空荡荡”It's not a mopey post, really not. A nostalgic one, maybe. Even with Jay's 回到过去 playing in the background, I'm determind to not let it be emo. Pictures really do bring back memories, memories that you have forgotten and chucked aside. I was just looking through the Bali photos on Facebook, it sure made me miss that trip. Not that it was anything very fascinating, not very adventurous (compared to the ones with Gloria) or extreamly exciting... but it was a good trip. Very simple, very simple and very simple. Maybe that's why it's urber memorable. Being the youngest on that trip, not having to worry about where to sleep, where to go or what to do during the trip... it was the most relaxing bo-chub trip. I didn't even know where we were staying, how much the whole thing cost or when we were returning. More of such trips should come my way.
I guessed everyone have moved on, willingly or unwillingly. It's a strange feeling to see how people that I've spend most of my time with these 2 years have found new groups to hang out.. The place that we used to gather at is nothing much but an empty normal house now. It's not a dive center anymore, it's a house. It's dead quiet without the bustle of random divers moving in and out, a dead town without random laughters and lifeless without the usual happenings. I am missing those dinner times, movie nights, festive gatherings and occasional drinking sessions. As much as I try not to show it, I'm still not use to how things are now.. But as the saying goes, life moves on and I'm moving on... bit by bit. How would Christmas be like this year? No usual Church groups, no dive groups... no more other groups...
December would be a busy month, with 18 out of 31 days out of town.. reports to write, job orientations, lots and lots to learn and not to mention Christmas season... Quite the exciting!
Thursday, November 04, 2010
Amos
I think for the very first time in my history, I dreamt of my boyfriend... a few nights ago. He was a tall chap, so tall that I had to jump to give him a hug. He has messy short hair, like those who don't bother to comb or style. Wearing a light blue t-shirt, bearded and he carries the look of a japanese... but doesn't speak like one. I think his name was Amos or some sort, I can't really remember that. It's funny, but it was quite a nice dream... :D So, this Amos came to look for me while I was at work, in the midst of a busy project during lunch break. Some one called out for me, told me Amos was here and... I remembered I was surprise, didn't expect him to show up and how much of a little girl I felt like inside me... HAHAHAHAHAHA!So, finally at this age now... yeah, this dream was nice.
I don't know what kind of partner I'll be. Will I be paitent, open, possesive, easy to anger because of expectation, accomodating or... ? It seems like so far Mr. Right hasn't arrive, or I haven been looking. Perhaps I've never felt good enough, still waiting for the right moment (which never came) or simply, afraid to commit. As much it doesn't seem like it, yeah.. I think I do have this afraid of commit trade within me. Not that I'll be a player, having flings one after another... Maybe I'm afraid of giving too much and getting hurt. Maybe I'm afraid of the expectations I will develope. Perhaps. I could come up with a million other reasons why, but seriously... heh!
So, what am I looking for exactly? I guess it's the model answer that everyone will give.. But I believe I will know, when "Amos" finally appeared.. I think maybe I don't have the priviledge of having a 10 years relationship before settling down.. Well, priviledge or not, it depends on individuals. Hahaha... My oh my..
It's going to be quite eventful tomorrow. Meeting at YMCA, final theory e-trial test and then final theory test.. I hope I'll just have to do it once :D and that YMCA will be fine with whatever I wanna meet them for..
I should travel this November before I start work...
Monday, November 01, 2010
If I ever need to remember how it feels like to see sunshine after the rain, this is the moment. The safety truck that I've been calling, the breakthrough that I've been waiting and all that I've prayed for has finally arrived. Maybe the picture wouldn't be as perfect as I've wanted it to be, but who knows how all this may turn out? It was afterall, the what I have asked for and waited for.
I couldn't have done it on my own, never. I wasn't even certain if they are going to call me back after that first interview, it was almost hopeless. 90% of the time my brain was blocked and I couldn't even make out what I was saying.. 2 weeks of waiting was torturous, and when the phone call finally came.. I knew it was God's grace and He showed me so. It was the first time I actually did my research online for interview questions and spend days preparing for it. It was also the very first time I was nervous about it, like sitting for an important exam. Thank goodness those butterflies didn't stay long.
I don't know how all this will go, how the journey ahead will be like, who am I going to meet and how well will I adapt to the new environment. Everything is changing, everything that I was so familiar with. The pharse "life goes on" couldn't have made more sense now than before. Perhaps it was a good beginning/ending, everyone has something to move on with.
New life starts in December and maybe now I can sing...
it's good to stay work at the YMCA!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Day 0 - Taking the first step out
No tears, not a single drop; that's something worth celebrating actually! I can't imagine if it was the old me back then... I would have packed and unpacked, packed and unpacked. It wasn't easy, not at all. If I could, I wouldn't want to. It has gotten so comfortable, so familiar.. But I know some day I will still have to go through this. Maybe there is an easier way, maybe it wouldn't have to feel this way.. But for once, let the decision be made and let me not back out on it.
Those eyes told me the answer right away and knowing you, I knew there's nothing much to be done. After all, I've done all I could and since I've been saying it's time... then it shall be "it's time". I'll miss those times, how things were and not to forget the one who will always sit with me whenever I'm down..
Not an easy recovery road... But I'll live through it.
Could I have done things differently? Maybe.
Those eyes told me the answer right away and knowing you, I knew there's nothing much to be done. After all, I've done all I could and since I've been saying it's time... then it shall be "it's time". I'll miss those times, how things were and not to forget the one who will always sit with me whenever I'm down..
Not an easy recovery road... But I'll live through it.
Could I have done things differently? Maybe.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Drowning in my loneliness
Broken dreams and promises
How can I how can I carry on
Silence is the only truth
Words are empty so are you
Can't deny what I feel so strong
[Pre Chorus]
I just want to close my eyes
Till the world subsides
Then I hear a voice inside me cry
[Chorus]
I just want to live, I just want to live
I just want to breathe
To begin to believe
To be free and to love , once again
To try
Broken dreams and promises
How can I how can I carry on
Silence is the only truth
Words are empty so are you
Can't deny what I feel so strong
[Pre Chorus]
I just want to close my eyes
Till the world subsides
Then I hear a voice inside me cry
[Chorus]
I just want to live, I just want to live
I just want to breathe
To begin to believe
To be free and to love , once again
To try
I just want to live, I just want to live
I just want to breathe
Let the song of live begin
Opening my eyes again
Everything still looks the same
How can I how can I carry on
If theres life, there's always hope
Heaved a sigh but wisdom spoke
I know who I am , and I know what
my life can be
[Bridge]
I'll never understand the reasons
Why life can be unkind
And I'll never have the answers
To all the questions in my mind
But I can chose the way
I live my life
It's mine to give,
what's mine is mine to live
So I.
will live..
to breathe..
I wanna live.
to breathe
And live to breathe.
To liveI just wanna live
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I remembered this song when I saw it posted on Facebook. It was back in 2003 when Elim has just started on her My Voice project, if I'm not wrong the book was published in 2004. There's also this program to promote the book on Channel U's radio every weekday night and I would tune in to it while studying for Os. Those are the memories!
Went for my second dental appointment today and I kind of expected those questions the moment I stepped into the room. That aside... I had a lot of drillings and whatnots... and was even put on anesthetic.. my first, and now I understand how a stroke patient must have felt when half the face couldn't feel anything. Now, there's a 3rd.. I just hope that I can dive this weekend without any pain or problem.
YMCA this Friday... I got to nail it and hit the ground running.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
it's like i need someone there, but when you're there.. i don't know what to say. who's willing to give a hug without asking why?
