The Grace in Grace

I came across this quote, "When a deep injury is done us, we never recover until we forgive." It's only then I realize, I'm still holding on. Though we are perfectly fine now; we hugged, we talked, we laughed, we bitched... but a part of me is still recovering.

"Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time."

Tell me how, teach me how... to release and let you breathe.. This shouldn't be complicated at all. Let it sink into me that there is only so much I can do. Let it sink into me that I just can't be that someone I want to become. Let it sink into me that I don't have to try that hard.. Let me believe in you, let me believe what we have between us... And trust God in this friendship.

I don't quite know where to begin. So much has happened, yet it seemed like nothing much has. My last post was about my dream of a fancy toilet with high-tech toilet bowls, other than that I really couldn't remember. I'm sure a whole load of things happened, a ton of entries I could have posted... but I guess I couldn't really be bothered, just couldn't find the motivation to or nothing really excites me nowadays. Now... I have Narnia on TV distracting me... But I looooooooove Narnia!

Things are almost back on track, but it will never be the same as before just like what Shireen told me before. People move on, things move on... I should move on to. Easily said, but it's always hard to do. I learned that things change, people change, and it doesn’t mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. It simply means that you move on, and treasure the memories. But believe me, it's so bloody hard. I'm the kind of person that takes me forever to forget something, both good and bad. Some say it's good memory, some say I'm not letting go. If it was good memory, I would have top the whole level back in school and remembered all of my students name back in KC. Ah, that's different kind of memory work. Asked me what you were wearing the first time I met you, maybe I remembered :)

I felt like I've fought in a battle; a long and brutal battle that is... maybe... still on going. I fought to get you and I out of the war zone, to keep you safe, to protect you... even though I know I couldn't do that much. I've had enemies pointed their guns in my face, I've been captured and thrown into the POW prison, I've gotten lost and I've almost given up... Finally, someone boarded the safety truck, the fire ceased a little but I still had to stay and fight.. I know my safety truck will come soon, but.. I just don't know when, please come soon.

Reign in us
You thought of us before the world began to breathe
And you knew our names before we came to be
You saw the very day we'd fall away from you
And how desperately we need to be redeemed

Lord Jesus come lead us
We're desperate for your touch

[Chorus:]
Oh Great and Mighty One, with one desire we come
That you would reign, that you would reign in us
We're offering up our lives, a living sacrifice
That you would reign, that you would reign in us

Spirit of the Living God fall fresh again
Come search our hearts and purify our lives
We need your perfect love
We need your discipline
We're lost unless you guide us with your light