The Grace in Grace

The last time I went for rugby was some time back in October, I guess. That was after 5 months of not attending any trainings. Tonight I went back for another training after that last one in October; I'm horrible, I know. 20 minutes of touch rugby, 45 minutes of circuit, skills and small-area games.. I'm ready to throw in the white flag. The 45 minutes circuit was a killer... really a killer. Well, that's for not training (proper) for nearly a year. I'm still blur as ever on the pitch :P Where to run, when to run, what to do.. I'm so lost. My weakness is my fitness and stamina.. how to play a 40 minutes 15s game like that? Train, train, train... It's like back to basics again, oh well. But I'm quite enjoying the muscle aches, bruises and the after-training tiredness... sadistic :D

Eugene and Gloria came to pick me up after training, I didn't bother to shower. I guess no body showers after Wednesday training. Everyone wants to rush home, or maybe because guards are chasing to close the gates. Dinner was good, and finally they serve tom yam soup after 897846 times of asking for it but they don't have it. Anyway, it's not the best but just need it to fix the soup dish urge.

I think this year's Chinese New Year is long, very loooong like it's not gonna end. I keep thinking that yesterday was Wednesday. Not much of a happening this CNY, maybe because Grandma got warded and the festive mood ended there and then. I didn't even bother counting my ang pao money, they are there sitting inside my cardboard.

Every time Grandma gets warded or when she's sick, I would want her to get well and be back to normal again. Somehow this time, I'm just taking it easy. She's 85, what more can I expect. Some would say I'm being heartless, but seriously.. if she's suffering so much in old age, why don't we let her go, emotionally, to where there's no suffering and pain? We'll meet again some day, but I guess.. It wouldn't be easy still. When was letting go ever easy..

Many lessons learned from the past few weeks, and it's only the beginning of the year. Letting go was never easy, but sometimes it's a must. Eugene said I shouldn't build up a wall against anyone.. I don't know.. I don't know if it's a wall built up, or... I'm learning to be stronger.. but one thing I know, the love is still the same. More? Less? I really don't know.. I was even prepared to not get the hope up high, just in case it falls and the one badly wounded would be me again.. I'm a sucker when it comes to dealing with disappointments, still. I have such high expectations, it suffocates not only the ones involved, but myself too. Well, as the saying goes.. " Sometimes we build up walls- not to keep people out but to see who cares enough to tear them down.." It's a process.. It's time to let the chapter close and let the wound heal.. Who can guarantee that such events wouldn't happen again, maybe it would be me next. HAHA! Laugh it off, Grace.. you have learn a lesson this time, good job :)