Monday, January 25, 2010
Living in your shadow
I don't know why, but this thought hit me yesterday morning.
"No card, no nothing.."
And there I was trying to tell myself that I shouldn't have expected anything in the first place, but on the other hand it still sucks. In the end... just had to let go. Anyway, I did everything on my own accord, blame who?
I was talking to Eugene about my degree course, so now I have the decision to make between a fun course or a professional course that I can earn big money after graduation. Who wouldn't want to earn big money, have a house (not an apartment), have plenty of reserves in your bank accounts and bla bla bla.. I thought of Elim and back then when I was 15. The dreams that I wrote on the paper were still so clear.. Yeah, I still wanted that.. I wanted to do so many things. Be an entrepreneur, a traveller, a missionary, an author and eveything that I can be.. Haha, I think my 15-16 years old dreams are slowly coming back.. I want to believe that I can still acheive all that.. God, help me how to.. in your will.
We then went on to talk about other things. 2009 has been a year of learning, exploring and stripping myself to bear minimum. I left Church's leadership, I picked up new skills, I met new people, I resigned from my job.. 2009 made me feel like I was picking up things from ground zero. I didn't want to lead, I just wanted to follow, I don't know what to do, I need to be told what to do, I have confused feelings, I learned to handle relstionships... 2009 was rather interesting. Lots of tears and laughter.
2009 was a year I lived in shadows. Maybe after such a long time, I found comfort and shade from the blazing sun. But I think I've been in the shadow for too long.. I need to get back the Grace Loo that has gone on vacation. It's time I walk out of your shadow and established my own identity.. Well, thank you for the shadow that was big enough to cover me.. haha!
God will make a way when there seems to be no way.
"No card, no nothing.."
And there I was trying to tell myself that I shouldn't have expected anything in the first place, but on the other hand it still sucks. In the end... just had to let go. Anyway, I did everything on my own accord, blame who?
I was talking to Eugene about my degree course, so now I have the decision to make between a fun course or a professional course that I can earn big money after graduation. Who wouldn't want to earn big money, have a house (not an apartment), have plenty of reserves in your bank accounts and bla bla bla.. I thought of Elim and back then when I was 15. The dreams that I wrote on the paper were still so clear.. Yeah, I still wanted that.. I wanted to do so many things. Be an entrepreneur, a traveller, a missionary, an author and eveything that I can be.. Haha, I think my 15-16 years old dreams are slowly coming back.. I want to believe that I can still acheive all that.. God, help me how to.. in your will.
We then went on to talk about other things. 2009 has been a year of learning, exploring and stripping myself to bear minimum. I left Church's leadership, I picked up new skills, I met new people, I resigned from my job.. 2009 made me feel like I was picking up things from ground zero. I didn't want to lead, I just wanted to follow, I don't know what to do, I need to be told what to do, I have confused feelings, I learned to handle relstionships... 2009 was rather interesting. Lots of tears and laughter.
2009 was a year I lived in shadows. Maybe after such a long time, I found comfort and shade from the blazing sun. But I think I've been in the shadow for too long.. I need to get back the Grace Loo that has gone on vacation. It's time I walk out of your shadow and established my own identity.. Well, thank you for the shadow that was big enough to cover me.. haha!
God will make a way when there seems to be no way.
# . Grace Eleora Loo : 1/25/2010 12:45:00 PM
