The Grace in Grace

I was rather distracted these few days, no idea what was causing the restlessness. There was no focused, no patience and no motivation in the things I do. I gave training a miss last evening simply because I didn't have the mood. Where did that come from? In the past I couldn't bear to miss a single session, but yet I skipped training just because the mood wasn't there. Spend the whole evening with Goon, distracting myself once again that I ran away from training. We had a nice chat by the beach after dinner. Grace is still a quality time person; guess that will never change.

This morning, the whole mood was down. Half an hour before my first class, I still couldn't find any reason to smile for that day. I was reading through some blogs and the question suddenly came to me, "Who is/are my best friend(s)?" Actually, what's my definition of best friend? I really envy those who can openly declare that who and who are their best friends, they have been besties for how many how many years.. It never happened to me, or so. Often when I thought he/she is my best friend, that person didn't think or maybe react so. I should so set my definition of "best friend"; cause I think mine is waaaay different from the rest.

Maybe they didn't know that this Grace takes longer (much longer) time to open up to people, and when she does, you'll know her so much more that what you see. This Grace doesn't show that she cares openly, but when she does, she wants to care from the very bottom of her heart. This Grace has a fear that she'll be disturbing people whenever she has a problem to share or someone to talk to, she needs assurance that she's not troubling anyone. This Grace still has a sense of insecurities. This Grace still has wounds not healed. This Grace still have issues unsolved. This Grace is trying hard to open up and not be the "quiet one" anymore. This Grace is trying to break through. She knows who she is now, is not what exactly she is suppose to be.

Maybe all these while, the focus was shifted. Shifted from the cross to the world. I was looking for the "friend", "thrill", "accomplishment", "belonging" and whatsoever through people and things around me. And so, I heard God calling me back.. I heard this song from youtube, and instantly I knew what went wrong.. Thank you, God.

King of Wonders
We could try to count the stars,
You already know them each by name.
Every single galaxy was your design,
Your majesty displayed.

Your glory shines before our eyes,
The more we see, the more we love You

(Chorus)
King of wonders, we stand amazed,
Theres no other, other than you.
King of wonders, you know the way to our hearts and
The more we see the more we love you.

You reveal and we respond,
You have shown theres no one like you God
Your love and mercy welcomes us
Into the beauty of this Holiness.

Your glory shines before our eyes,
The more we see, the more we love You


The more we see, the more we love You. And so, I'm going diving again :D