The Grace in Grace

I guess it hit my breaking point. The trash from weekend plus yesterday's misunderstand just pushed the button. I thought I was strong enough when I shed no tears during the weekend, even when tears were rolling, I force them back in. Yesterday, it just couldn't contain anymore. What has to go, has to go.

My voice choked during the phone call, the tears flowed after it ended. It wasn't a very huge thing, but it's big enough to make me break. I sat there in my cold cold lab, wondering what the hell did I just do. So, they say it wasn't my fault.. but still I felt so wrong. It's not like these things never happened to me before, but yesterday just wasn't the same. Maybe I sat there for a good hour with tears flowing. That bugger stayed in the lab, I couldn't walk out to get tissue.

Sometimes I hate myself for being so emotional. Why the heck are the tears flowing, why the heck am I feeling like this, why the heck is all this happening? I sucked at handling mistakes, disappointments, misunderstandings and what-so-ever.

Makes me wanna run somewhere and just cry everything out.. Don't offer me hugs, meet-ups or anything that has to do with facing you, now; cause I know I would just break down again in front of you. If I could only manage a weak smile when you see me, trust me, that's the most my lips can bend, now. If I couldn't smile, not that I hate you, just that the face doesn't want to.

It will take some time to recover.. Grace is a tough cookie, she'll get by this.
I dragged my body to Dorcas' place for her birthday celebration yesterday. I answered no phone calls and smses, till I was better. Still, smiling and behaving like I always do was hard. People began asking what's wrong and why. Sorry people, I just didn't want to talk about it. But towards the end, all things went well. The mood was better after talking to Matthew, the smile was wider too. Life is like this lah...
Then this Princess had to sleep this way at the shoe rack. No amount of touching could wake her up.. I want to laze around like her too..
I could live life the way it should be.

Got scolded? Smile.
Misunderstood? Smile.
Sad? Smile.
Angry. Smile.
Downhearted? Smile.
Disappointed? Smile.

I still do remember this phrase: Smile, and the world will smile with you :)
It couldn't be that bad..

"Cry if you may, but remember to wipe those tears away and stand up strong again."