Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Keep the dream alive
"I heard that you want to be a missionary?" Grandma asked while we sat in the kitchen on Monday's morning. I wasn't prepared for that question and looked back blankly. It wasn't long before I nodded my head and said my yes. Grandma knew that I've always talked about being a missionary but I guess she never knew if it was child's talk or not
"You'll have to go back to school (Bible school) to become one, right? You're not afraid of studying anymore?" Grandma continued.
As a child, I've always been afraid of school. Laziness was the main reason, lack of motivation and focus was next. Studying was never on my mind till the latter years of teenage. But from the moment I could think for myself, I knew I wanted to become a missionary. The years passed, many other dreams came and went away, but the mission dream never left. I strongly believe that it's God's calling and I'm just waiting for the right time.
I planned to leave for Logos Hope this year, but because of some complicating citizenship and passport issues, it has to be push over. "I'll go next year." I told myself and some around me. Then I began to have thoughts of maybe the year after next or a few more years to come. With a job, a steady income and the economy, I have to admit it's tougher to leave now. Maybe it won't be a problem for me, but what about my parents that I'm worried about? How would they handle? Or it's just me afraid of facing them?
2008 is coming to an end soon, if I were to go next year, my application would start in April. What is my direction? Do I take the step out as I wanted to, do I wait, do I push the dates back again?
I want to firmly admit that I want to be a missionary whenever people ask.. and not be lost for words, afraid to acknowledge my dream. Time is ticking by fast, where do you want me to go from here, God?
