The Grace in Grace

Have you ever dream before? When asked what we want to be when we grew up during first grade; it's alright to dream as big as we ever wanted? The teachers smiled at your dream, your parents smiled at your dream, the people around you smiled at your dream. I guess, they smiled because they thought you weren't serious and looked so innocent with that bambi eyes. You were just a kid; what do you know about ambitions, dreams and plans?

Then as you grow older, they ask you again what you want to be. You told them the same thing, they smiled again. "She's still a child" they thought. Time will change you, you will find your "real" dream soon.

Years passed. You're a teenager now. They ask you the same question again. You told them the same answer. They continued smiling, but you can sense it's a different smile.

You graduated from college. It's time you step out to work or enroll into a university course that would decide your future career. They ask again, "What do you want to be?"

This time. You look into their eyes and told them the same answer.

They smiled no more.

"You got to be realistic! Why can't you be normal and get a good office job that earns well? You studied so much to waste it all away?"

If they are nice people, they might say.

"You're still young, there's always time to fulfill this dream of yours. Now, get a proper job and earn money first."

You stood there and wondered. "If my choice is despair or wonder. On the line between truth and belief. Do I just let the tide take me under? Or do I let the fascination come on and rain all over me?"

When you were in first grade, they told you that you could be who you want to be. When you were old enough to want to be who you want to be, they told you to be realistic and that you cannot be who you wanted to be. Complicated huh?

Now back to me. Many people and indeed many people have told me that I can put my dream on hold. I'm still young, I still have time. I can fulfill this dream of mine later. But may I ask, can you give me confirmation that I'll live to a ripe old age? And can you tell me when is the right time to fulfill dreams?

The day I have earn enough? That might just be the day I retire.
The day I have accomplish something? Define something.

Sometimes I wondered how many people are living with the regrets of unfulfilled dreams. Blinded by realistic that they chose to forego their dream and gave in to what seems practical.

Why? Why must I be like you who sits in the office from 9 to 5. Wait for the pay cheque to come at the end of the month. Forget dreams you dreamt before. Advice others to be realistic because you think the world works this way. Wait and see what happens. Sit and wonder through the day with "what if..." Carry regrets with you to your grave. Everyday, work eat sleep, work eat sleep, work eat sleep; Suffocating your delight?

"Asian believers are torn between missionary call away from home, especially with aged parents and family obligations. How do we reconcile the tension between God’s call to leave home and staying home because of perceived cultural barriers? How do we support Christians with sense of call to obey sacrificially?"

Lord, I want to be away. But is it from you?
Is it better when I'm away?
Or am I running away and using your mission as an excuse?