The Grace in Grace

Going back to the hospital tomorrow. Been months since I last went for check up.

I was thinking about it this afternoon and briefly I told Farabi I was worried. At first he thought I was worried about some other things; but in fact I was worried about my health. Tested blood sugar about a week ago; it shot up real high. Then it went down, and up again. That was a roller coaster ride for me.

Am I not reacting to the medicine already? Has my body stop producing insulin? Am I gonna say good-bye to medication and hello to injection?

I don't know. At first I was so afraid of going back to injection. The pain, the needle.. and the thought of injecting myself once again.. But then, somehow I got over it. I remembered, my body is only for a little while. What matters is my soul :) Illness can destroy my body; but it can't destroy my faith in God.

It's easy just reading what I'm typing here; but no one can really experience the journey of it. Who wouldn't want to be healthy and eat all those chocolates and ice creams? Who can be that strong to not shead a tear when there's so many things on you? Who wouldn't be weak? Don't tell me you didn't cry in your whole life; you did, when you were a baby. We came to the world crying, but the people around us smiling. We left with a smile, but the people around us crying. Funny?

I had so much wanted to quit my job; but I can't be selfish and left Winnie all alone. What if it's you? Yes, in times I have to; but... It's tiring on me, doing the job of two person and getting paid as one! It's no use getting paid as two anyway. Stop stressing me to quit; I will when the time is right.

Lord, suddenly I want to tell you this:

I don't know how far I can go for you, but as far as I can go.. Lord, let me finish the path for you. Before you call me home; please let me finish what I have to do. Before you call me home; let me take one last look at the ones I love and maybe tell them how much they have meant to me. Let me know of my past, where do I come from, who is my real parents, what's my past like. Lord, maybe I shouldn't know; so the wounds can heal. It's all in your will. Lord, I have told you that wherever you want me to go, I will go. Lord, my life is before you; use me as you will. I want to do something for you. Illness can take away my health, my friends or even my look; but I know it cannot take you away.
I may not be as tall as some people, as pretty as some girls or as talented as some others. But all these are defined by humans, aren't they? Lord, what matters is how you are looking at me. Lord, take away the fears that not from you and hold me close to you. Hold my hand and walk with me. Tell me that everything will be alright; I will be going home soon :)