Saturday, November 19, 2005
Dictator
I would have been a dictator without God. Didn't know why but I was all turned off when Lydia's Mom was giving the sermon. Sometimes I like talking to her, hearing her advices; but in times I just find her naggy and yes, irritating. Sorry Dia if you are reading this. I was so trying very hard to kill that stupid feeling, but it came on and on. I had to distract myself by writting what on the paper on to my book. What's going on; period coming? LOL :P It do affects my mood when it's near alright.
School started and somehow I think it's much more tougher then last semester. Sometimes I really wonder, did I chose the right course or had I made another stupid mistake? How the hell I don't understand JAVA, during tutorial I was a complete turn off or simply catch-no-ball. How I wish I could answer and understand JAVA like Azri or Joycelyn; life might be easier. But didn't I mention before life cannot always be easy? I trust that the Lord will guide me.
This is really something alright. I think my brain and JY's brain are somehow connected in some sense. I was thinking of leading Ye He Hua Zuo Zhe Wei Wang for next saturday's fellowship, but he chose that song to lead today. Once, I was thinking of ordering Green Apple Ice; the next moment JY blured out my order and yeah.. I have to change mine to Kiwi; to prevent some comments that I don't wish to hear. When I thought of going to CHC, the next day his SMS came asking if I wanted to join him and Dai. Physco!! This cannot be prevented, whatever I'm thinking, I think 20% is what JY might thought of also! Arg!!! Haa.. Chill lah..
I was feeling down on the bus ride home. Didn't talk in Uncle Tony's van. I was in the edge of feeling sad of choose to face what I'm facing with a smile. Drop a bus stop earlier and walk back home.Really wanted to travel the world, be a missionary and spread God's word. Just like Stream Of Praise, touring Asia, USA and other countries. Guess this is the kind of life I yearn for. Don't expect me to settle down and stay on a job for years; that's so not me ( at least for now) Somehow I know God is preparing me, but I'm not very sure of His plans for me. Is it me not sure, or me wanting a clearer answer?
Went for the friday's practice. Talked to my backups when the whole practice was over. Guess what was they reaction while I was talking? One was looking at the ground, the other looking at the hand and only one looking at me. I was telling them how I felt and my expectations on them. Told them our purpose and that's about it. Talk to Aaron also about his last week's Praise and Worship; glad that he listen and whether he will take them it or not, it's up to him. When will I get the seriouslyness I want from my fellow brothers and sisters. I understand that we are all youths and some fun should be instill. But have we forgotten that there's a time for everything. Keep forgetting their parts and musicians forget to play the parts that I requested. Not serious with thei Christian life, not serious with life, with church, with fellowship. I have no right to care and jufge over that, yes I know; but sometimes it just dissapoints me. Seeing them as my brothers and sisters, grew up together and a longer way to walk together as a family. Yeah, some may say I think too much or take things too tightly; but how can I not feel for them? Many are older than me! How can the church grow? How can new people come in if the internal problems weren't even solved in the first place? I do like the times when we went out together, have fun and laugh along; but had we forgotten that we need to grow together also?
I had never like talking about such things with church people, some of them not all. Each time they have excuses to back themself up.. Lord, guide me. Maybe one day I will fly away to somewhere and never come back. Hah.. or when I come back, they will tell me what I said then was true. Haa.. but I really wanna go away, Singapore is my home alright, but many people out there need me and other God's child :) Travel the world for God, Grace! To the end of the earth! See you guys in heaven sometime later.. I need sleep now :)
School started and somehow I think it's much more tougher then last semester. Sometimes I really wonder, did I chose the right course or had I made another stupid mistake? How the hell I don't understand JAVA, during tutorial I was a complete turn off or simply catch-no-ball. How I wish I could answer and understand JAVA like Azri or Joycelyn; life might be easier. But didn't I mention before life cannot always be easy? I trust that the Lord will guide me.
This is really something alright. I think my brain and JY's brain are somehow connected in some sense. I was thinking of leading Ye He Hua Zuo Zhe Wei Wang for next saturday's fellowship, but he chose that song to lead today. Once, I was thinking of ordering Green Apple Ice; the next moment JY blured out my order and yeah.. I have to change mine to Kiwi; to prevent some comments that I don't wish to hear. When I thought of going to CHC, the next day his SMS came asking if I wanted to join him and Dai. Physco!! This cannot be prevented, whatever I'm thinking, I think 20% is what JY might thought of also! Arg!!! Haa.. Chill lah..
I was feeling down on the bus ride home. Didn't talk in Uncle Tony's van. I was in the edge of feeling sad of choose to face what I'm facing with a smile. Drop a bus stop earlier and walk back home.Really wanted to travel the world, be a missionary and spread God's word. Just like Stream Of Praise, touring Asia, USA and other countries. Guess this is the kind of life I yearn for. Don't expect me to settle down and stay on a job for years; that's so not me ( at least for now) Somehow I know God is preparing me, but I'm not very sure of His plans for me. Is it me not sure, or me wanting a clearer answer?
Went for the friday's practice. Talked to my backups when the whole practice was over. Guess what was they reaction while I was talking? One was looking at the ground, the other looking at the hand and only one looking at me. I was telling them how I felt and my expectations on them. Told them our purpose and that's about it. Talk to Aaron also about his last week's Praise and Worship; glad that he listen and whether he will take them it or not, it's up to him. When will I get the seriouslyness I want from my fellow brothers and sisters. I understand that we are all youths and some fun should be instill. But have we forgotten that there's a time for everything. Keep forgetting their parts and musicians forget to play the parts that I requested. Not serious with thei Christian life, not serious with life, with church, with fellowship. I have no right to care and jufge over that, yes I know; but sometimes it just dissapoints me. Seeing them as my brothers and sisters, grew up together and a longer way to walk together as a family. Yeah, some may say I think too much or take things too tightly; but how can I not feel for them? Many are older than me! How can the church grow? How can new people come in if the internal problems weren't even solved in the first place? I do like the times when we went out together, have fun and laugh along; but had we forgotten that we need to grow together also?
I had never like talking about such things with church people, some of them not all. Each time they have excuses to back themself up.. Lord, guide me. Maybe one day I will fly away to somewhere and never come back. Hah.. or when I come back, they will tell me what I said then was true. Haa.. but I really wanna go away, Singapore is my home alright, but many people out there need me and other God's child :) Travel the world for God, Grace! To the end of the earth! See you guys in heaven sometime later.. I need sleep now :)
# . Grace Eleora Loo : 11/19/2005 11:52:00 PM
