The Grace in Grace

Can't seem to find the mood to blog this few days. When ever I look at my blog, I just simply couldn't find anything to blog. So much to say, but I didn't know how to put it in words. Started a new devotion book, certain sensative entries are going inside there; so if you wanna know more.. Steal the book and read my hand writtings! Haa, but don't steal yeah.. The Bible said do not steal; and mind you it's in the 10 commanments!

Gonna give the friday christmas practice a miss, on shift that day and won't be able to make it. Darn, I don't wanna miss any practices, but it just so happens to be on a friday! I was kind of up sad when I received the sms that the practice will be on friday :( Why on friday? After a long day at school ( although I'm on holiday and others have finished their exams), come in the evening for a few hours and head back home? I would rather spend my whole Saturday in church. Tried suggesting for a change to Saturday since this week's guitar lesson is off, but her handphone seem to have malfunctioned or simply, don't bother about my request. I admit I'm pissed; a little.Christmas practices started on sunday, sang through all the songs; well not all.. Wasn't very happy about it, but I had fun overall.

Visited some blogs in the past few weeks, and seem to have notice that.. I'm quite "out" with my friends. What do I mean.. Well, how come I don't get called out for steamboat, outing and stuff? Yeah, I'm busy.. I know. It's just that "strange" element in me again. I'm still glad I had some friends standing by and of course.. God!

When I say I'm willing to serve God full time, I mean what I say. May be a little ku ku for some others, but you won't know how I feel inside.

Out, out, out.. sometimes I really feel very out. Does this place event belong to me? I mean, is this place where I am suppose to be? Sometimes looking at my church mates; I feel out. When you talk to some people; they seem to have shut their ears on you; or simply just couldn't hear my voice. Some remarks are so "meaningfull" that I had a hard time accepting it! Imaging singing a song and the pianist complains that the song is putting that person to sleep. Talk about my secondary school class mates, out also. When they are all into 5566, or what so ever thing.. I don't even feel connected. The topic they talk over meals are so.. "out" to me. Poly, the same thing happens. Animation? Outing? Bonding? It's all so out. Who understands my "language"? The people that might understand are either too busy, or simply.. Too far away..

Yeah, I know different people have different point of view and are made differently. I understand. Just let me be a "child" here. I know I should take things easy, don't think too much.. bla bla bla.. I know..

I'm hungry. Been fasting since the start of the week. Why? Done something terrible that's why. But thank God He disciplined me.

Grace arg... Your Mom gave up so many but you get the chance to stayed on.. Good wad! You're different, that's all.. God has His plan. You're not "out" to Him. That's all that matters.

No matter what, all the "outs" and stuff.. I still love the people around me. Even for those I couldn't stand at times. No offence if you think I have step on your tail in this entries (Notice no names mention) But this is just what I feel in me.