Saturday, May 28, 2005
Release me, Lord
The Bible says, "Honor your father and mother"
Honor them? That is really difficult for me, Lord teach me how to do that. Everytime I try to treat them better, talk to them nicely, things just goes the other way. I prayed and ask God to let me be nicer to them, but Lord.. I can't.
I know there are parents lot worse then mine, I'm not that alone after all. People, before any of you become a parents, ask yourself if you got what it takes to be a good one.
I know of one mother, she didn't treat her child well since birth. The child is her only child, but she treated the baby like not of her own. She seldom carry the child in her arm, most of the time the baby was on the ground. It's normal for young children to ask for sweets, but the mother never once gave the child one sweet. Therefore, the child never did really ask for things from the parents. Once the child drop a bottle of soya sauce on the ground, it will be normal if the mother gets angry. But besides getting angry at the child, she threw things at the child, straight at her. The child was defenceless..
The mother had never encouraged the child to study hard, she didn't even care if the child did studied or not. When the child was ill in school, the mother never made an effort to bring the child home. The father, after a long day at work, would be the one coming. From what I know, the child had no one to turn to if she has questions about her homework. Because if she ask the father, she would get scoldings and accused. She never did like asking her father any questions about school. The parents never brought her for holidays, not even out to play during holidays. How did she spent her holidays then? She went over to her Grandma place. There, she learn how to swim, speak good english, goes to church and went for holiday. Though the holidays were to places not very far, but she enjoyed them, always.
The parents never did believe in what the child is doing. During her PSLE, they never thought she would pass. It would already be a bonus if she can make it to Secondary school. The child believed that she can pass. Indeed, the child failed to be the rotten apple of her parents' eyes. She passed her PSLE and made it to the EXPRESS stream. In secondary school, the child aim to be the different. She worked her way up to be a prefect, a student leader, teachers' helper. Highly recognised and respected, but her parents knew nothing about it. All her achievements, her parents knew little about it. She don't expect her parents to compliment her, cause she know they will never. She did all these things not to get her parents' attention, but she just want to fulfill her potential.
In her secondary 3, she fell into anxiety, afraid of not being able to meet her expectations. She fell sick, but her parents never knew the reasons why she fell sick. She overcome the problem with the help from teachers and friends. For her O level year, she had a hard time struggling through, but she held on. Again, her parents never thought that she could pass O level. But, once and again, she surprise the people who looked down on her, she passed and made it to poly.
Just when things start to turn better, illness strikes her. She was found to have diabetes, inherited from her mother. Her world crashed upon knowing the news, but she brave it through and am living normally now. She started poly, but the problem with her parents never stop there. They discouraged her from studying, asking her to get married soon. She held on to what she believe, never letting her head down.
Parents, aren't they surpose to be the role model for their children? But why are they so many cases in which parents failed to be the child's role model?
The story above, the child mentioned is me, yes me. Who could have thought that I would grow up in a normal family in a not normal way? I have a father that drinks and gamble a lot while I was young. Though he stop gambling now, but his drinking habits never stop. When I was young, whenever he came home drunk, the one who suffered most is me. He would beat me up for no reason, scold me as instructed by my own mother.
I have a mother who never tried to understand me. People always tell me, there won't be any parents that would not love their child. I have one in front of me, how do you explain? She brought me down, real down in front of my grand mother. Swearing and cursing me like she had never done before.
Is she my Mother? Could she be a fake Mother? I have a Mother who calls her own daughter useless when she learns upon her daughter's illness. Hey, isn't it because of you that she got the illness?
My childhood hasn't been good to me, not for a moment with my parents. At a tender age, they left scars on my body, in my heart and in my memories. Scars so deep, that it still hurts when I think of them.
Lord, I still can't let go. You have saved me, healed me, but Lord, I still can't let go of this nightmare. It's too painful, the scars is too deep.
Lord, you told me to honor my parents, but Lord, how do I do that? How could I be nice to someone who murdered my childhood?
Lord, I tried. I tried to be nice to my parents, forget what they have done.. But God, I...
I don't blame them, I don't ask for anything more from them.. I just want them to be supportive. I can put the past behind.. But God, I hate them for what they have done..
I'm sorry God, I'm sorry
Release me..
I'm afriad that one day when I can no longer take it.. I would walk out from my parents, leaving them as what they are. Don't come and look for me when you have trouble, don't embaress me, don't tell others you are my parents. I would give you the money you need, don't come near me.
Lord, I am afriad of that..
Release me, Lord
Honor them? That is really difficult for me, Lord teach me how to do that. Everytime I try to treat them better, talk to them nicely, things just goes the other way. I prayed and ask God to let me be nicer to them, but Lord.. I can't.
I know there are parents lot worse then mine, I'm not that alone after all. People, before any of you become a parents, ask yourself if you got what it takes to be a good one.
I know of one mother, she didn't treat her child well since birth. The child is her only child, but she treated the baby like not of her own. She seldom carry the child in her arm, most of the time the baby was on the ground. It's normal for young children to ask for sweets, but the mother never once gave the child one sweet. Therefore, the child never did really ask for things from the parents. Once the child drop a bottle of soya sauce on the ground, it will be normal if the mother gets angry. But besides getting angry at the child, she threw things at the child, straight at her. The child was defenceless..
The mother had never encouraged the child to study hard, she didn't even care if the child did studied or not. When the child was ill in school, the mother never made an effort to bring the child home. The father, after a long day at work, would be the one coming. From what I know, the child had no one to turn to if she has questions about her homework. Because if she ask the father, she would get scoldings and accused. She never did like asking her father any questions about school. The parents never brought her for holidays, not even out to play during holidays. How did she spent her holidays then? She went over to her Grandma place. There, she learn how to swim, speak good english, goes to church and went for holiday. Though the holidays were to places not very far, but she enjoyed them, always.
The parents never did believe in what the child is doing. During her PSLE, they never thought she would pass. It would already be a bonus if she can make it to Secondary school. The child believed that she can pass. Indeed, the child failed to be the rotten apple of her parents' eyes. She passed her PSLE and made it to the EXPRESS stream. In secondary school, the child aim to be the different. She worked her way up to be a prefect, a student leader, teachers' helper. Highly recognised and respected, but her parents knew nothing about it. All her achievements, her parents knew little about it. She don't expect her parents to compliment her, cause she know they will never. She did all these things not to get her parents' attention, but she just want to fulfill her potential.
In her secondary 3, she fell into anxiety, afraid of not being able to meet her expectations. She fell sick, but her parents never knew the reasons why she fell sick. She overcome the problem with the help from teachers and friends. For her O level year, she had a hard time struggling through, but she held on. Again, her parents never thought that she could pass O level. But, once and again, she surprise the people who looked down on her, she passed and made it to poly.
Just when things start to turn better, illness strikes her. She was found to have diabetes, inherited from her mother. Her world crashed upon knowing the news, but she brave it through and am living normally now. She started poly, but the problem with her parents never stop there. They discouraged her from studying, asking her to get married soon. She held on to what she believe, never letting her head down.
Parents, aren't they surpose to be the role model for their children? But why are they so many cases in which parents failed to be the child's role model?
The story above, the child mentioned is me, yes me. Who could have thought that I would grow up in a normal family in a not normal way? I have a father that drinks and gamble a lot while I was young. Though he stop gambling now, but his drinking habits never stop. When I was young, whenever he came home drunk, the one who suffered most is me. He would beat me up for no reason, scold me as instructed by my own mother.
I have a mother who never tried to understand me. People always tell me, there won't be any parents that would not love their child. I have one in front of me, how do you explain? She brought me down, real down in front of my grand mother. Swearing and cursing me like she had never done before.
Is she my Mother? Could she be a fake Mother? I have a Mother who calls her own daughter useless when she learns upon her daughter's illness. Hey, isn't it because of you that she got the illness?
My childhood hasn't been good to me, not for a moment with my parents. At a tender age, they left scars on my body, in my heart and in my memories. Scars so deep, that it still hurts when I think of them.
Lord, I still can't let go. You have saved me, healed me, but Lord, I still can't let go of this nightmare. It's too painful, the scars is too deep.
Lord, you told me to honor my parents, but Lord, how do I do that? How could I be nice to someone who murdered my childhood?
Lord, I tried. I tried to be nice to my parents, forget what they have done.. But God, I...
I don't blame them, I don't ask for anything more from them.. I just want them to be supportive. I can put the past behind.. But God, I hate them for what they have done..
I'm sorry God, I'm sorry
Release me..
I'm afriad that one day when I can no longer take it.. I would walk out from my parents, leaving them as what they are. Don't come and look for me when you have trouble, don't embaress me, don't tell others you are my parents. I would give you the money you need, don't come near me.
Lord, I am afriad of that..
Release me, Lord
# . Grace Eleora Loo : 5/28/2005 03:56:00 PM
